Are You a Moonbat? (I am a bug on the zotmobile’s windshield)

Hmmm...You're lucky I'm here. You see, I'm a professional editor, and I can fix your stuff. Edits are in bold:

If you think all Americans should have access to affordable health care and you support single-payer government mandates that will make that impossible, then you’re a moonbat.

If you ~~want American kids to stop dying in Iraq,~~ are so ignorant of history that you think we've taken heavy casualties in Iraq, and you want to leave the Iraqis to the tender mercies of Al Qaeda, then you’re a moonbat. You're also a moonbat if you think we're going to buy the idea that the movement that came up with calling our soldiers "babykillers" really gives a damn how many Aermican "kids" are dying in Iraq or anywhere else.

If you believe ~~a livable wage should be available for all Americans,~~ a person trying to raise a family on a minimum wage paycheck is anything but a complete moron, then you’re a moonbat.

If you believe it is wrong for the Government to spy on our private phone calls, then you're a conservative. If you believe that listening to contacts between Americans and Al Qaeda operatives is remotely the same as spying on our own citizens, then you’re a moonbat.

If you think it is wrong for America to torture prisoners, then you're a conservative. If you think the occasional pointed interrogation at a place where you get orange glazed chicken for din-din is torture then you’re a moonbat.

I f you think people who fire from behind women and children, and seek out UN peacekeepers to use as human shields are morally equivalent/superior to Israeli fighter pilots, America and Israel should be above killing civilians, then you’re a moonbat.

If you think embryonic stem cell research could help save lives, then you’re ignorant about science and also probably a moonbat.

No charge for the editing...I know moonbats like you have no jobs and spend your rent-a-protester pay on doobage.

"but is that a ZOT? I'm corn-fused, please help me!!"

(from the Hoary Archives...)

ON THE NATURE OF ZOT!

"What actually happens when a zot happens?"

Are you sure you wanna know?

Ok. The rest of you, I thought you might find this amusing. Here y'go:

The first thing that happens is that the troll's daddy and its other daddy feel that "special way" about each other.

Then, about nine months later, the stork does a flyby of the expectant parents - but not just any stork, no... this is a SPECIAL stork. A leprous, blighted, tattered, pus-dripping noxious braindead zombie stork, bearing its bundle of oozing misery - the gurgling drooling idiotic leftist democratic meatpuppet we know as the "troll".

Then, some decades later, when the troll matures (should I say, instead, "ripens"?) to the mental age of three, some benevolent but misguided soul shows it how to operate a net-linked computer when the circus freakshow keeper is not paying attention.

In a virtual case of water (though "water" is not precicely the fluid I mean) seeking its own level, the troll automatically finds its bumbling way to that hot-spot of all drooling retards, democrappicundergrown.compostheap.

The troll is so delighted to at long last be among wits of its own base level that it dissolves in a feculent bubbling mass of outgassing putrescence. When it re-coalesces in its new blighted environs, it takes the form and function best suited to the Elite Masters of its race - the mindless slobbering sightless clammy-fisted eunuch known publicly by many names (Deaniac being one, Clintoonista another, and a more recent species called a JKoff) but known privately to their owners as "useful idiots."

These useful idiots are spewn forth like the gibbering overflow of a well-used and fermented satanic port-o-let, to contaminate, stain, and stink up the more wholesome and cleanly realms of the internet, so that the great old ones - Cthulhu, Nyarlathotep, and the Unmentionable One (Teddy Kennedy) among them - can spread their glandered dominion ever farther.

Such purulent squamous masses soon or late wash up upon our shores.

They invariably burble their flatulent war cries.

This sudden gust of methane and stinks of less describable nature rouse the denizens of this fair land to wrath and vengeance.

Cruel and merciless warriors known as the Viking Kitties descend upon the hapless blob of noisome jelly, gashing it with barbs of wit and pith.

Such martial valor alerts the Almighty Mods of this land.

Jove thunders.

Lighning strikes! (ZOT!)

Methane emanations ignite!

And they detonate, flashing into an expanding pink mist of DUh.

There you have it, then. The short (and postable) version.
***
I cannot believe I forgot to use "puling" and "yammering" in there somewhere.

You May Be A Left Wing Moonbat If...

You may be a left wing moonbat if you believe Michael Moore is a great patriot.
You may be a left wing moonbat if the war on terrorism means the defeat of George Bush.
You may be a left wing moonbat if you believed France would have sent troops to Iraq, if John Kerry was elected.
You may be a left wing moonbat if you believe Hollywood stars are the "heart and soul" of America.
You may be a left wing moonbat if you believe Islam really does mean peace.
You may be a left wing moonbat if you wear environmentally friendly garments.
You may be a left wing moonbat if you believe KFC is committing the holocaust of chickens.
You may be a left wing moonbat if you have protested against globalization or Starbucks.
You may be a supreme left wing moonbat if the protest was more than 1,000 miles away from where you reside.
You may be a left wing moonbat if you believe the NY Times is a centrist newspaper without an agenda.
You may be a left wing moonbat if you cried when Dan Rather and Tom Brokaw resigned.
You may be a left wing moonbat if you voted Dennis Kucinich for President.
You may be a left wing moonbat if a Christmas tree offends you.
You may be a left wing moonbat if you believe the Iraqi terrorists are the good guys.
You may be a left wing moonbat if you believe Eminem and P. Diddy are the voices of the young generation.
You may be a left wing moonbat if you drive an electric car.
You may be a supreme left wing moonbat if you drive an electric car and own a Gulfstream jet.
You may be a left wing moonbat if you have posted on DemocraticUnderground more than 1,000 times.
You may be a left wing moonbat if you take Jon Stewart seriously.
You may be a left wing moonbat if you listen to Air America for news.
You may be a left wing moonbat if you believe Rush Limbaugh is evil.
You may be a left wing moonbat if you think taxes are too low.
You may be a left wing moonbat if you went to a Woodstock concert, more than once.
You may be a left wing moonbat if you believe Howard Dean would be a great DNC Chairman.
You may be a left wing moonbat if you moved to Canada because Bush won the election.
You may be a left wing moonbat if you thought Arafat was a great leader.
You may be a left wing moonbat if your name is George Soros.
You may be a left wing moonbat if you have attended a gay marriage ceremony.
You may be a left wing moonbat if you wore a Che Guevara t-shirt to work.
You may be a left wing moonbat if you believe Al Gore invented the internet.
You may be a left wing moonbat if you question what the definition of is--is.
You may be a left wing moonbat if you lied about being a war hero, in order to get elected President during wartime.
You may be a left wing moonbat if you still believe John Kerry won the election.
You may be a left wing moonbat if you went to Israel or Iraq to be a human shield.
You may be a left wing moonbat if you consider the events at Abu Ghraib an atrocity.
You may be a supreme left wing moonbat if you believe the beheading of innocent civilians is fair game.
You may be a left wing moonbat if you were insulted by this article.

If you think all Americans should have access to affordable health care, then you’re a Communist.

If you want American kids to stop dying in Iraq, then you’re a Caring Person. that has no vision for future Freedom

If you believe a livable wage should be available for all Americans, then you’re a Anti Capitalist.

If you believe it is wrong for the Government to spy on our private phone calls, then you’re Naive to think they haven't been doing it since forever started.

If you think it is wrong for America to torture prisoners, then you’re a Pacifist who would trust piranhas in their bathtub while bathing.

If you think America and Israel should be above killing civilians, then you’re a Dumb ass who thinks they actually target civilians.

If you think stem cell research could help save lives, then you’re a Murderer who thinks you can't do the same thing with cord and adult stem cells.

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