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New Vaccine Discovered To Prevent Liberal Stupidity
The National Ledger ^ | 08/4/2006 | Chris Davis

Posted on 08/04/2006 12:11:30 PM PDT by writer33

Houston, TX—In what may be the biggest medical breakthrough of the millennium, Dr. “Red” Duke claims to have discovered a vaccine that will prevent liberal stupidity. The vaccine, currently in the throws of a study, is reported to stop the spread of absurdities and other abnormalities associated with liberalism.

In some cases, Dr. Duke notes, the rampant disease can be halted altogether, giving hope to many families that have given up on ever finding a cure for their relatives. Testing, according to Dr. Duke, was done largely on monkeys, because of the similar characteristics between monkeys and liberals. The incessant, childish behavior, he explained, was the key to the link between monkeys and liberals.

Unlike the new obesity vaccine—which leaves reasonable doubt to its validity—this vaccine is reported to definitively trim the level of stupidity that many liberal families suffer from on a daily basis. Dr. Duke explains that he advanced on the problem as if it were a neurological disorder, that the target of the vaccine was to attack the useless, lazy cells that were attached to liberal spines, creating a moody, depressed person that is generally unengaged, unemployed and doesn’t care about society.

The vaccine, according to Dr. Duke, transformed the useless cells—referred to as liberal cells—into active, productive cells, creating a more animated and engaged monkey. After five and a half long years, Dr. Duke thinks that his tireless research has come to fruition.

Basically, Dr. Duke details, that during the experiment, they took six monkeys and placed them in front of the television with the usual liberal propaganda on network news. They showed them ABC, CBS, NBC and CNN, and, according to Dr. Duke, the monkeys remained mesmerized, almost as if they were zombies, until after the injection of the vaccine to four of them.

“After thirty days, the four monkeys that were given the vaccine wouldn’t watch network news,” Dr. Duke said. “It was amazing, a real breakthrough in science. The possibilities are endless. I’ve already asked for volunteers from The New York Times. Every one of them should be injected immediately!”

If it works on New York Times’ reporters, Dr. Duke thinks that it should be recommended to the U.S. Food and Drug Administration for immediate circulation in New York, Massachusetts, California, and liberal states across the nation.

Dr. Duke does admit, however, that takers of the vaccine would suffer some odd side effects. He noted that the vaccine takers would suffer from an enlarged backbone, they would stop picking their nose, start working regularly, and became more engaged via logging onto the internet.

“All of the monkeys began logging onto a site called Free Republic to get most of their news. Some of them even posted. Other times they began listening to the Rush Limbaugh Show,” he states. “It was awe inspiring. To see these monkeys go from a near zombie, to an informed group, almost brought me to tears. Just imagine what we can do with the U.S. Senate.”

“The vaccine is a very novel approach for the treatment of liberalism,” says Mattias Chop, a liberal researcher at the University of Columbia. “This could save America. I think we owe Dr. Duke a big thank you, and a steak dinner. You can’t pay a man enough for something like this. Keep up the great work!”

“I hope this vaccine works,” cried Maureen Bittle, a housewife from Boston, MA. “I can’t get my 35-year old to get off the couch. All he does is sit there and watch shows like Fear Factor. I’ve even threatened to kick him out of the house, but all he says is that it’s Bush’s fault that he can’t get a job. You’ve given me so much hope, Dr. Duke. Don’t stop now!”

“I think Senator Ted Kennedy should be the first senator we test it on,” stated Sen. Jon Kyl, R-AZ. “He’s definitely ripe for the vaccine. Bring it on, Dr. Duke!”

These findings mark a turning point in the treatment of liberalism by confirming the effectiveness of vaccinations to combat this serious and growing American problem. In his quest to end liberalism, Dr. “Red” Duke has taken a leap that may have saved the country from further disease, a disease that has created liberal stupidity across the nation.


TOPICS: Business/Economy; Constitution/Conservatism; Crime/Corruption; Culture/Society; Government; Miscellaneous; News/Current Events; Political Humor/Cartoons; US: Texas
KEYWORDS: chrisdavis
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Chris Davis is the author of 'Elective Decisions' and 'In Defense of Liberty.'
1 posted on 08/04/2006 12:11:31 PM PDT by writer33
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To: writer33

Were any liberals injured in the creation of this vaccine?


2 posted on 08/04/2006 12:13:25 PM PDT by HonestConservative ((It's SNOWING!))
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To: HitmanLV; colorado tanker; Arizona Carolyn; new yorker 77; fieldmarshaldj

Ping!


3 posted on 08/04/2006 12:13:34 PM PDT by writer33 (Rush Limbaugh walks in the footsteps of giants: George Washington, Ronald Reagan and Noah Webster.)
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To: writer33
“I think Senator Ted Kennedy should be the first senator we test it on,”

Is it alcohol-soluable?

4 posted on 08/04/2006 12:14:00 PM PDT by My2Cents (A pirate's life for me.)
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To: writer33
“I think Senator Ted Kennedy should be the first senator we test it on

Next should be Ronnie Earle

5 posted on 08/04/2006 12:14:07 PM PDT by Bad~Rodeo (Texas Longhorns National Champions)
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To: HonestConservative
Were any liberals injured in the creation of this vaccine?

No, PETI (People for the Ethical Treatment of Idiots) made sure.

6 posted on 08/04/2006 12:14:51 PM PDT by dirtboy (Why does Israel take border security seriously but we do not, when Islamists wish us both harm?)
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To: writer33
Dr. James H. "Red" Duke Jr. (Aggie)

7 posted on 08/04/2006 12:15:41 PM PDT by evets (beer)
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To: writer33
currently in the throws[sic] of a study

... but the spell-checker said it was OK!...

8 posted on 08/04/2006 12:16:18 PM PDT by Izzy Dunne (Hello, I'm a TAGLINE virus. Please help me spread by copying me into YOUR tag line.)
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To: HonestConservative
Were any liberals injured in the creation of this vaccine?

Not that we're aware of.

9 posted on 08/04/2006 12:18:03 PM PDT by writer33 (Rush Limbaugh walks in the footsteps of giants: George Washington, Ronald Reagan and Noah Webster.)
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To: My2Cents
Is it alcohol-soluable?

I don't know if he figured in a high blood alcohol content.

10 posted on 08/04/2006 12:18:39 PM PDT by writer33 (Rush Limbaugh walks in the footsteps of giants: George Washington, Ronald Reagan and Noah Webster.)
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To: Bad~Rodeo
Next should be Ronnie Earle

:-) Definitely.

11 posted on 08/04/2006 12:19:31 PM PDT by writer33 (Rush Limbaugh walks in the footsteps of giants: George Washington, Ronald Reagan and Noah Webster.)
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To: evets

Great picture, evets. Thanks for posting. I appreciate it.


12 posted on 08/04/2006 12:20:01 PM PDT by writer33 (Rush Limbaugh walks in the footsteps of giants: George Washington, Ronald Reagan and Noah Webster.)
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To: writer33
"a disease that has created liberal stupidity across the nation."

Curing Stupid, who wooda thot? Does the vaccine automatically create a thirst for knowledge tho?? Curious mindless folks want to know....

13 posted on 08/04/2006 12:26:23 PM PDT by litehaus
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To: writer33

Leaders of Muslim terrorist groups and the United Nations denounced the vaccine as another American imperialist effort to obtain another "weapon of mass instruction" for use on Arab women and children.


14 posted on 08/04/2006 12:29:13 PM PDT by Navy Patriot (Striving to obtain liberal victim status.)
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To: writer33

Looks to me we are going to have a lot of people leaving the liberal and demo movements if this is true.


15 posted on 08/04/2006 12:32:25 PM PDT by betsyross1776
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To: writer33

What is it called??? The ID10T pill?


16 posted on 08/04/2006 12:32:40 PM PDT by ConservaTexan (February 6, 1911)
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To: writer33
“All of the monkeys began logging onto a site called Free Republic to get most of their news. Some of them even posted.

So! That explains where all those curious posts came from quoting Shakespeare...


17 posted on 08/04/2006 12:36:16 PM PDT by Paul Ross (We cannot be for lawful ordinances and for an alien conspiracy at one and the same moment.-Cicero)
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To: writer33

Give an extra large dose to members of NOW, please!


18 posted on 08/04/2006 12:44:42 PM PDT by lilylangtree
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To: All

Monkeys everywhere are insulted for being compared to an animal of lower intellect.


19 posted on 08/04/2006 12:48:10 PM PDT by texan75010
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To: HonestConservative
Were any liberals injured in the creation of this vaccine?

Sadly, no.

20 posted on 08/04/2006 12:53:46 PM PDT by null and void (Bolton/Rice '08)
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To: writer33
I know this is a sarcasm post, but we need at least a tiny shred of believability.

The fact that Dr. Duke's vaccine targets brain cells tells me it might work on monkeys, but will fail miserably on liberals.

21 posted on 08/04/2006 1:45:16 PM PDT by ZOOKER ( <== I'm with Stupid...)
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To: Navy Patriot
Leaders of Muslim terrorist groups and the United Nations denounced the vaccine as another American imperialist effort to obtain another "weapon of mass instruction" for use on Arab women and children.

Good one.

22 posted on 08/04/2006 1:49:48 PM PDT by writer33 (Rush Limbaugh walks in the footsteps of giants: George Washington, Ronald Reagan and Noah Webster.)
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To: betsyross1776
Looks to me we are going to have a lot of people leaving the liberal and demo movements if this is true.

It's ugly out there and there's a lot of work to do.

23 posted on 08/04/2006 1:50:16 PM PDT by writer33 (Rush Limbaugh walks in the footsteps of giants: George Washington, Ronald Reagan and Noah Webster.)
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To: ConservaTexan
What is it called??? The ID10T pill?

That's it. :-)

24 posted on 08/04/2006 1:51:13 PM PDT by writer33 (Rush Limbaugh walks in the footsteps of giants: George Washington, Ronald Reagan and Noah Webster.)
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To: Paul Ross

Thanks for the picture, Paul. It's perfect. I appreciate it.


25 posted on 08/04/2006 1:51:43 PM PDT by writer33 (Rush Limbaugh walks in the footsteps of giants: George Washington, Ronald Reagan and Noah Webster.)
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To: writer33

Does it make them want to go to work?


26 posted on 08/04/2006 1:53:00 PM PDT by Luke21
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To: My2Cents
"Is it alcohol-soluable?"

No. But, it has a very high lead content.

27 posted on 08/04/2006 1:54:08 PM PDT by azhenfud (He who always is looking up seldom finds others' lost change.)
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To: lilylangtree
Give an extra large dose to members of NOW, please!

Come on. You aren't defending your sisters in arms against us evil, conservative pigs.

:-) Hehe!

28 posted on 08/04/2006 1:57:57 PM PDT by writer33 (Rush Limbaugh walks in the footsteps of giants: George Washington, Ronald Reagan and Noah Webster.)
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To: ZOOKER
The fact that Dr. Duke's vaccine targets brain cells tells me it might work on monkeys, but will fail miserably on liberals.

I should have known, Zooker. Thanks for pointing that one out. :-)

29 posted on 08/04/2006 1:59:48 PM PDT by writer33 (Rush Limbaugh walks in the footsteps of giants: George Washington, Ronald Reagan and Noah Webster.)
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To: Luke21
Dr. Duke does admit, however, that takers of the vaccine would suffer some odd side effects. He noted that the vaccine takers would suffer from an enlarged backbone, they would stop picking their nose, start working regularly, and became more engaged via logging onto the internet.

:-)

30 posted on 08/04/2006 2:00:56 PM PDT by writer33 (Rush Limbaugh walks in the footsteps of giants: George Washington, Ronald Reagan and Noah Webster.)
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To: writer33

well, let's get ready.let's get set , and let's go! Look these guys are easy , give them enough rope and they will hang them selves. When they do, we pull it shut! Don't worry, before the election ,the demos will stick their foots in their mouths. They have so much to work with, the foolish and the dumb!


31 posted on 08/04/2006 2:03:32 PM PDT by betsyross1776
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To: writer33
Good!   Maybe it'll counter the stupid injections that Dem leaders have been giving humans to turn them into DemoGnats.



32 posted on 08/04/2006 2:33:45 PM PDT by Lady Jag (Hatred is the coward's revenge for being intimidated)
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To: writer33
"The vaccine, currently in the throws of a study, is reported to stop the spread of absurdities and other abnormalities associated with liberalism."

Apparently does not, however, prevent the spread of that public school disease, "kant spel!"

(hint: throes...)

33 posted on 08/04/2006 2:36:18 PM PDT by Redbob
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To: Redbob

I'm glad you're bored.


34 posted on 08/04/2006 4:03:10 PM PDT by writer33 (Rush Limbaugh walks in the footsteps of giants: George Washington, Ronald Reagan and Noah Webster.)
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To: Redbob

Hint: Go teach.


35 posted on 08/04/2006 4:04:13 PM PDT by writer33 (Rush Limbaugh walks in the footsteps of giants: George Washington, Ronald Reagan and Noah Webster.)
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To: 4CJ; A CA Guy; abigail2; AgThorn; Alia; alisasny; an amused spectator; AmeriBrit; ...

Ping!


36 posted on 08/04/2006 5:09:50 PM PDT by writer33 (Rush Limbaugh walks in the footsteps of giants: George Washington, Ronald Reagan and Noah Webster.)
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To: ladyinred; lainde; Lancey Howard; Lawgvr1955; lawnguy; Lazamataz; Lexinom; LiberalBassTurds; ...

Ping!


37 posted on 08/04/2006 5:10:15 PM PDT by writer33 (Rush Limbaugh walks in the footsteps of giants: George Washington, Ronald Reagan and Noah Webster.)
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To: writer33

is this the same disease I called Autonomous Irrational Leftism???


38 posted on 08/04/2006 5:16:08 PM PDT by GeronL (http://www.mises.org/story/1975 <--no such thing as a fairtax)
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To: writer33

Bring back lobotomies!


39 posted on 08/04/2006 5:19:50 PM PDT by wagglebee ("We are ready for the greatest achievements in the history of freedom." -- President Bush, 1/20/05)
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To: writer33

Well, you didn't do ME any favors! The downside is that I had cheetah trained to get me a banana, and now he tells me to get off my leopard skin covered ass and get my own banana! The upside is that he can recognize what is and what is NOT a vine.

40 posted on 08/04/2006 5:27:59 PM PDT by Enterprise (Let's not enforce laws that are already on the books, let's just write new laws we won't enforce.)
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To: writer33

Pong!


41 posted on 08/04/2006 5:33:51 PM PDT by Soaring Feather
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To: GeronL

It's the same disease.

:-)


42 posted on 08/04/2006 6:03:50 PM PDT by writer33 (Rush Limbaugh walks in the footsteps of giants: George Washington, Ronald Reagan and Noah Webster.)
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To: wagglebee

Lobotomies are a viable option if the vaccine fails to work. However, we don't want to lobotomize a potentially good conservative later.

:-)


43 posted on 08/04/2006 6:04:56 PM PDT by writer33 (Rush Limbaugh walks in the footsteps of giants: George Washington, Ronald Reagan and Noah Webster.)
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To: Enterprise

Great picture, E. Thanks for posting it.


44 posted on 08/04/2006 6:05:14 PM PDT by writer33 (Rush Limbaugh walks in the footsteps of giants: George Washington, Ronald Reagan and Noah Webster.)
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To: writer33; potlatch; ntnychik; Smartass; Boazo; Alamo-Girl; PhilDragoo; The Spirit Of Allegiance; ...

ping bump


45 posted on 08/04/2006 6:08:21 PM PDT by bitt ("And an angel still rides in the whirlwind and directs this storm.")
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To: Paul Ross

haha! we LOVE monkey posts!

they have such great words like "kaka" in them......


46 posted on 08/04/2006 6:10:53 PM PDT by bitt ("And an angel still rides in the whirlwind and directs this storm.")
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To: writer33

Now this is a GREAT one!


47 posted on 08/04/2006 6:11:23 PM PDT by SouthTexas (It's summer, of course it's hot.)
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To: Paul Ross; potlatch; ntnychik; Smartass; Boazo; Alamo-Girl; PhilDragoo; The Spirit Of Allegiance; ..
"I work with a bunch of monkeys...."

"but they are SMART, CONSERVATIVE monkeys..."

Click Here

Click Here

Click Here

48 posted on 08/04/2006 6:27:27 PM PDT by bitt ("And an angel still rides in the whirlwind and directs this storm.")
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To: bitt; Czar; nicmarlo; texastoo; Kenny Bunk; EternalVigilance; janetgreen; hedgetrimmer; potlatch; ..
HILLARY CARE...


 

49 posted on 08/04/2006 7:09:44 PM PDT by Smartass ("In God We Trust" - "An informed and knowledgeably citizen is the best defense against tyranny")
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To: writer33; potlatch; Paul Ross; ntnychik; PhilDragoo






50 posted on 08/04/2006 7:10:28 PM PDT by devolve (fx 9125_AMERICANS_KILLED_2003_BY_ILLEGALS MEX_ILLEGAL_GOT_911_TERRORISTS_ID NO_NUEVO_TEJAS)
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