Posted on 08/10/2006 8:32:26 AM PDT by digitaldisaster77
August 10, 2006
Beirut, Lebanon
How could I vacation while bloodthirsty Zionists were again attacking helpless oppressed Arabs? I flew to Lebanon last week to do whatever I could to help the Hizballah freedom fighters defend themselves.
After an uneventful flight, I arrived in Beirut and immediately was driven to the front lines where I joined a crack squadron of Hizballah soldiers bunch of smelly guys in dirty t-shirts carrying guns. After being somewhat roughly forced to don a burqa and serve lunch to the troops, I had an opportunity to interview several of them. I wanted to hear of the pain they had lived with all these years under the brutal Israeli occupation, and how they had been driven to this point of conflict due to the intolerable treatment and oppression they had endured. Unfortunately these men were all from Iran and Syria, so they couldn't really tell me what I needed to know. They did say, however, that it's common knowledge throughout the Middle East that Jews are lousy tippers, and for that reason alone need to be eliminated.
After they made me do the laundry (how do they get those prayer rugs so dirty?), serve snacks, belly dance, and dig some foxholes, my captors comrades presented me with a special honor they called the "Infidel's Reward" - I was chosen to fire some rockets at Israel! I knew this was a very special honor since women over there aren't usually allowed to mess with mechanical things, so I was very grateful. They took me about a block away to the backyard of this little house, where under a big tarp was a launcher loaded with a bunch of rockets mounted on the back of an old truck. After making some adjustments and showing me where to stand, they told me to count down from 100 and then push this big red button. I noticed once I started counting, my fellow fighters took off running back to camp like they were being chased by Bigfoot. Strange.
At zero I pushed the button and the rockets blasted into the sky. All the fire and smoke scared the crap out of me, but after rolling on the ground and extinguishing my flaming burqa, I realized I was okay. I stood and gave the thumbs up sign to my friends down the street but they were nowhere to be seen. Right about then I heard something whistling overhead and the next thing I knew, there was a deafening explosion and I, the rocket launcher, the yard, the little house, and most of the surrounding neighborhood went flying through the air. After coming to and rolling around to extinguish what remained of my burqa, I decided I'd had enough of this war, even if it was for a good cause. I ran for my life.
I sure wish my Hizballah soldier friends would have told me that the Israelis have satellites and stuff which see those rocket launches, but I guess it slipped their minds. Later I heard the whole group took an express train to Paradise courtesy of an Israeli Apache helicopter gunship, and to tell you the truth, I wasn't that upset.
Boooooaaaaaaaarrrrrrd!
Bump! :)
Jill Carroll... is that you?
that was frighteningly amusing.
I should hate myself now for liking that story.
When the war's over, I'll be sure to whip myself back into shape. you betcha.
...Raytheon AN/TPQ-36 and AN/TPQ-37 Firefinder weapon
........good grief....! just how old is that picture,
anyway....? wasn't that "turtle shell" steel pot
helmet, dating back to the Second World War, replaced
at least a decade or so ago by the Kevlar model...??
But I'm sure they have a modern day equivalent using satellites as well radars to locate the sources of outgoing ordinance.
Rockets don't kill people. People do.
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