Posted on 08/10/2006 4:13:23 PM PDT by Fishtalk
Below is a little missive I ripped out just as soon as I heard about MS. Magazine’s attempts to recruit abortion supporters by asking them to supply their names and their stories.
In a fit, an absolute fit of pique, I typed up my own abortion story. Then I saved it on the hard drive and pondered all week how to deal with my narrative of anger and angst.
I don’t want to put it on my own Blog as frankly-MS. Magazine doesn’t realize this-I am certainly not at all proud of my story.
Yet I wonder if the millions of women (yes, I bet there are that many) who had abortions REALLY told their story, well I wonder if MS. Magazine would be so damn smug with itself on this cause they champion so proudly.
Abortion is NEVER a happy thing, no mind the harpies who brought us this so-called “constitutional right”.
I also pondered the consequences of both identifying myself AND the male player in my sordid tale. I don’t want to get sued.
Still considering and steaming with a message that I desperately want to share, I think of submitting it to one of the online Blogs and punditry sites. But I get concerned. It might not be something they want to post and then I would have gone and identified myself to complete strangers for nothing.
So I decided to post my story in its entirety right here on FreeRepublic. Understand I am scared senseless to do this as I am a right regular poster on this site and really don’t want to be judged harshly.
Then again, when a story sits and boils inside, well it keeps boiling inside.
Below is my own abortion story in response to MS. Magazine’s request. Anyone may link to this post if it is deemed worthy. Someday I might get brave enough to post it on my Blog. If I’m lucky maybe no one will see this story and hey, I still worry about the guy involved in all this. No I didn’t put his name but he’ll know it’s him. Just hope I don’t get sued.
Understand also that this happened to me thirty years ago. Yes indeed, yon ladies and gems, I was a fresh young thing. Roe versus Wade had just been decided. I was bright, happening and intelligent. I was a liberated woman.
Now let MS. Magazine know how a woman feels deep into mid-life when past deeds are re-visited and thought processes change.
Do you think I should send my abortion story to them?
Do You Really Want to Know About My Abortion?
"Ms. Magazine's latest pro-abortion message invites women and girls who have undergone the procedure to submit their names for inclusion in the magazine and sign an online petition stating that "I have had an abortion."The petition targets the recent South Dakota abortion ban, which has been stayed until voters in the state decide on the November ballot whether they want to overturn the ban."
So this missive passes over my Internet-surfing monitor and I pause.
Ms. Magazine. Once upon a time I subscribed to Ms. Magazine. Was a subscriber for over ten years. Once upon a time I was a women's libber of the highest order. Once upon a time I had an abortion and now is the time for me to step right up, be a "manly man" about it, and tell my story.
Ms. Magazine is not going to like it all.
In my pause I ponder publicly identifying myself. For as the article in the link indicates, women are very reluctant to admit beyond girlfriend confidences that they have had an abortion. Although Ms. Magazine and the feminists behind it truly want women to be proud of that which they have managed to gain for the females of this nation: that of abortion on demand. Once upon a time I thought this was a very neat thing. It was 1976, a mere five years after the Supreme Court invented the new abortion right that they somehow saw in our constitution. I was a fresh 25 years of age, divorced and heartbroken after my childhood sweetheart and husband left me. I had a very good job, my own home, was three years into college, night school and it was tough, and not at all unattractive in that manner of 25 year old females. Hey, I was happening, hip, cool and all that the feminists should have adored.
Next I must ponder, seriously, telling my story in any public fashion for fear of identifying the male involved in this abortion. Not that I know if he can do anything about it, like sue me or anything. And not that I've laid eyeballs on him for almost 30 years, but if he should read the story, he will know it is him. Though I won't give his name, I'm not going to be kind to him at all.
So I will identify myself via a link to my Blog. I will not post this to my Blog but I will show some courage because, well Ms. Magazine wants me to and I can't let down Gloria Steinham, who was part and parcel of my own abortion experience.
His name was Gregory (NOT!) and he came into my life when my life had finally settled down after my sad divorce. I had a house, a result of my divorce settlement. Gregory had a job with a government contractor which paid well. We were both college educated, free, monetarily secure and we talked of a future together. We often talked of our future children, which Gregory would refer to as "little Yegory" in a play on his name. I knew what I wanted: a happy marriage, perhaps two children, my college degree and a good job. Gregory knew what I wanted as I often told him. What I wanted was fairly typical of females my age although it was archaic to admit it in that era of raging feminism.
It's no mind how on earth I got pregnant because birth control pills were widely available. I don't know why I didn't use them but I did use some form of birth control. Which didn't work.
Because I was young and had no children as of yet, I wasn't paying attention to such as cycles. At some point the pregnancy advanced beyond the first trimester before even my naïve self got a clue. We didn't have pregnancy tests that could bought in the grocery thus it was a way bigger deal to check a possible pregnancy test than it is today.
There was little time. On Wednesday I found out I was pregnant and on the following Friday I had an abortion.
Gregory, sweet thing, had arranged the whole thing. As I recall, earlier that week Gregory told me to please don't call him at work with the pregnancy test results and I told him I wouldn't. It would "upset" him. As I recall, when I got the results from the doctor I called Gregory right up and told him because why should only I know? Goes to Gregory's character.
My company-paid health insurance covered the abortion but there was a $200 deductible. Which Gregory paid out his own pocket, driving over fifty miles to the hospital that would be doing the abortion because they wouldn't even schedule a room until the deductible was paid. Goodness Gregory even spent the night at my house the night before the abortion (no, we didn't live together) as he was "concerned" for me.
Come the Friday, Gregory helped me to the car and drove steadily and purposefully to the abortion clinic.
Why did Gregory and I choose to have an abortion? Frankly, I have no idea. I do know that when something so monumental happens and there is only a space of two days to make a decision, common sense and morality sometimes goes out the window. I also know that Gregory suggested the abortion because he wasn't "ready" and as my young self saw it, I didn't want to have a baby with a man of age 35 who wasn't "ready". Had I more time to think about it, had Gregory not jumped through every hoop on the planet to facilitate all this, had the abortion clinic not been in such a hurry for as it was they were pushing the limit with my abortion then well beyond the first trimester, had any or all of these things changed in terms of the timing, I don't think I would have had that abortion.
Which does not matter, frankly, because Gregory and I are both murderers and it isn't easy admitting you're a murderer. To add to the intrigue, Gregory was a dyed-in-the-wool Conservative, was even a member of the John Birch society. He regularly ranted about politics, liberals and the coming domination of the Communists. I was, a sweet, young and dewy-eyed thing, a liberal. This was during the era of Richard Nixon. I brazenly put a bumper sticker on my car that read "Don't Blame Me, I Didn't Vote For Him". Gregory ripped the bumper sticker off of my car, my car! Right in my own driveway in front of my own house!
We fought about politics all the time-I the liberal, he the "manly man" conservative. I urge anyone reading this to visit my Blog as this is not meant as a slam against male conservatives. I am much older now, and much wiser. Gregory was no manly-man and now I truly understand the definition of the term.
The man killed his own child.
Gloria Steinham and Ms Magazine aren't going to like this at all.
After the abortion, which was so painful that I suffered physically for almost a month afterward, Gregory and I continued to see each other but not for long. I threw Gregory over the bow just as soon as I could because, hey, he was a creep and a hypocrite. At some point we've all been there and done that.
I am quite sure that Gregory has never been married because, well that was the whole problem as any discerning reader, especially female readers, could see way up in this missive. To his "credit", I suppose, Gregory did have quite the mental breakdown after that abortion and begged me to forgive him. While I, in the meantime, waited until an appropriate amount of time then I dumped him. He threatened to kill himself. He called my co-workers and begged them to put me on the phone. Finally I had to call his parents and ask them to please go over there and deal with Gregory. I was nice about it and everything but Gregory was out of my life and it was my legal right to decide this.
As for me, I went on to get married and I did have a daughter. A daughter who would not be here if it were not for that abortion. Had I not had that abortion I would have been giving birth to Gregory's baby around the time my daughter was conceived. I've often justified that abortion by rationalizing that one child was lost but another child was born that wouldn't have been.
What a crock.
Hey, Ms. Magazine...that's my abortion story. If you really cared about the females you purportedly represent, you'd have ensured that pregnant women considering an abortion would have a required length of time before actually undergoing the procedure. If you really cared about the females you represent, you would have set term limits and prevented women like me from aborting a child that might well have survived outside the womb. If you really cared about the females you represent, you'd have demanded counseling and care for women like me who have Gregorys behind the scenes and pulling the strings. Gregory likes Ms. Magazine, however.
I changed fate, God's plan, and murdered a baby. While I might be tough on Gregory, I admit my part in the crime. I can't change it and for sure I will pay some eternal price for it after my death. Not to mention the hurt and pain I suffer when I ponder what that little life would have been had it not had two of the most selfish parents on the planet.
It's not nice. Not nice at all.
That's my abortion story.
Thank you for telling something that needed to be told. God comfort you in your pain. Your baby is safe in Gods arms
Not exactly the same thing.
Well I must say I'm warmed by the response to this thread. You have no idea how many years I've belonged to this forum feeling like an utter hypocrite. And yet damn, I've got a story to tell and whoever commented that if more women were to tell their abortion story people would really think twice about it was right on.
Then I recall hearing that goofy woman's abortion story on Rush Limbaugh, don't know if any of you heard this...she couldn't get a morning after pill and she blamed the whole thing on Bush.
As for the mythical "gregory"...well my fear is, laughable though it might be, that he might actually be a Freeper!
I've described him as a staunch conservative although in that era, I dunno. He really did belong to the John Birch society, don't know if any of you heard of this. I am now 55 years old so many of you might be younger.
And I did detail that he was upset, AFTER the fact, so hey, it's possible the guy is a Freeper as in this day and age FreeRepublic is a hangout for self-confessed conservatives. He was a computer type of guy and even as I type this my heart beats wildly in my chest as my strong hunch is that he does visit this forum.
As for being pro-choice, hey, I suppose I'm pro-choice too. When I think of a 13 year old impregnated by her own father or a rape victim being forced to carry her rapist's child to term, well I have plenty of thoughts about this.
I don't pretend to have any easy answers. No one does. I only know I had an experience and while it's anecdotal, I've talked to plenty of women who have had abortions and NOT ONE was at all happy about it. It just irks me to no end that the NAGS just keep on going, and going and going, like that annoying rabbit.
IF MS. magazine really, and I mean REALLY, wanted to do women in this country a service, they'd collect true stories about abortion from women. A woman does not want to have an unborn baby ripped from her womb I don't care how blase she pretends to be. It's part of our natural instinct.
And I don't care if people call me a murderer, on this forum or elsewhere. I think I am a murderer so it's not like this is new to me.
So I told my story. So sue me. Go on and link to it, share it with everyone, I don't care. Who knows, maybe I'll start collecting my own little not-so-nice abortion stories to counteract the smug libbers who think they did such a good thing.
As to how I transformed from a liberal to a rather rabid conservative, as I like to consider myself, well age and maturity tends to change one's perspective. Of all the liberal causes I've chased during my life, I was a rageing woman's libber. Raging. Why I even dressed in green and went to D.C. to attend Reagan's inauguration. Why? Because Gloria Steinham told us to. We were told that women across the nation would show up wearing green to protest what was then perceived to be Reagan's male chauvinist stance on things.
I marched against the Vietnam war, I hated men because they were, well, men and wanted to keep females barefoot and pregnant and were all male chauvinists. I bet only you older folks remember that phrase, heh.
I burned the flag, smoked dope, made love and not war and voted proudly for George McGovern. Man, I was a freaking nut job.
I'm not proud of it. I am further incensed to learn in my middle years that I was also a victim of a lying media that distorted the Vietnam war, foamed at the mouth over Nixon, a basically nothing thing, and in general shaped public opinion the way they saw fit.
I will read your personal freepmails to me and hey, Gregory, if you're out there, why don't YOU tell the story?
I think it's the difference between a badge of shame - recognizing the damage and reconciling a life long consequences of a decision - or wearing a badge of honor in a purported conservative forum.
Bump
"I'm pregnant."
"So? It's not mine."
"Do you think if I was going to "invent" a father, it would be you?"
(I didn't say that though. Instead I said, "Whatever. I thought you'd like to know is all." Never saw him again after that.)
I have yet to feel any kind of physical pain equivalent to the abortion I had a week after that conversation.
Karma ran over my feminist dogma though -- I was left sterile afterwards.
More importantly, God loves you.
Bless you for your courage. I know how you feel.
He would have been 18 this year.
Is this woman a Christian?
Please, can we leave the prosetylization to the Religion threads? The poster did mention Jesus or God.
The proselytizers are the ones hijacking the thread.
My dear, sweet sister, Christ will forgive you. He loves you. It takes a lot of guts to talk about this. I pray you get the healing you need by being honest about such a horrible time in your life. You'll meet your baby someday in heaven, if that is your desire. God be with you.
I've told my story repeatedly on this site. I have NEVER been called baby-killer.
Maybe because I'm not still "pro-choice."
First, May God keep you and heal you. My son just hit me with the news that he has impregnated his "girlfriend" (He is 27, She is 22). It has really strained our relationship. He married the girl as soon as they found out. He has recently done some very stupid things and has suffered as a result of his poor choices. The only thing he did right was HE AND SHE DID NOT MURDER THE BABY (THE ONLY INNOCENT PERSON INVOLVED)As bad as an abortion is, I think God can and will forgive if we ask in the right spirit and with humility admit our mistakes. There are no "little sins". BTW, this is my opinion, Other people on this thread are free to agree or disagree, We will all be held accountable for our actions and thoughts.
If I were you, I'd save it for the repentant.
Don't let those responses silence you. God bless.
You are a very brave persons, and, no, he can't sue you.
Not all abortion accounts are equal.
"I had an abortion; it was wrong and I regret it."
"I had an abortion; I'm glad I did it, and still think it was the right decision."
This post is the former. Mine is as well. Yours is the latter.
There is an ocean of difference between the two accounts.
Same here...and I always have to bite my tongue (tie my fingers?) when I see these same freepers claim, on other threads, just how passionately Christian they are. I didn't realize Christ was so picky about who and what He died for!
Please believe this. We are all sinners, every one of us. And we can all have forgiveness. That's what the Savior died to do for us. Several Christian denominations offer individual confession and absolution, if that would help you (Catholics, Episcopalians, and Lutherans come to mind). If, by any chance, you are a member of any of these denominations, consider availing yourself of this help. If not, I suggest (with love) that you consider joining a church that offers this.
To the other posters who have offered you blessings, I add my own, "God bless you," dear friend and sister. I am a sinner, just like you.
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