What kind of driver are you?

The Daily Bulletin ^ | 03/12/2007 | Michelle Groh-Gordy

[SteveMcKing]

I firmly believe that Auto-Pragmatics and Auto-Bahners combined are causing 95% of all accidents, both minor and those with multiple fatalities.

The Pragmatics are just annoying.

The Bahners ("Boners") are literally homicidal.

[Gil4]

I don't really fit well into any of the categories. I think the auto-matic might be the best fit, except the car I drive is hardly "distinctly styled," "attention-getting," "trendy" and "extravagant" (unless to consider the rust spots on my 1995 Opel Astra "attention-getting" and the Diet Coke cans scattered about "extravagant.")

I'm on the real Autobahn a lot more often than the Auto-bahner-wanna-be's, though. It's nice being able to "make good time" without worring about tickets, but after the first hour the first time it's no big deal. It's still kind of cool seeing the occasional Mercedes fly past at warp speed, though.

[Michael.SF.]

LOL

Definitions:

Idiot = Someone in front of you who is driving slower then you want to go.

Maniac = Someone who passes you up.

[Ditto]

O.K. that rules me out, what's the classification for folks who admit driving over 50 miles over the speed limit?

Fatalities?

[swain_forkbeard]

You and I both know that there are only two types of drivers, other than oneself, on the road:

Those driving too slow, who are morons, and those driving too fast, who are idiots.

[doorgunner69]

Banner=Bahner

[Old Professer]

I think someone is autoerotic-ing us.

[BearCub]

When teaching my daughter to drive the full size van, I cautioned her to not exceed 80mph on the freeway until she gets more wheel time.

Nice. When someone cuts her off and she rolls that van down an embankment, please come back and tell us so I can laugh about it.

[from occupied ga]

Typically, when in front of you in the lane, will sit for 5-10 seconds before moving out on the green light

Another of their favorite traits is to relentlessly crawl at 35 - 40 max on an entrance ramp when the traffic that you're trying to merge with is going 70 - 75. Then, when they can't find a large enough gap they stop at the end of the ramp blocking you from merging.

Another is to sit in the passing lane going at or slightly below the speed limit smugly thinking how they're enforcing the traffic laws.

[MortMan]

When I die, I want to go peacefully, in my sleep. Just like my Grandpa.

Not screaming and yealling like the passengers in his car! ;-P

[GSlob]

There also are paranoiacs, who seem to tailgate and follow you no matter where you go.

[tfecw]

"I firmly believe that Auto-Pragmatics and Auto-Bahners combined are causing 95% of all accidents, both minor and those with multiple fatalities.
"


In combination, I'd agree. I think the speed gap, or someone going 50 and someone passing them at 80, is def more deadly than 2 people going 50 or 2 people going 80.

[Charles Martel]

Last week, after sitting in morning rush-hour traffic (backed-up for miles when an 18-wheeler smooshed a small car), I cleared the accident site and the related law-enforcement presence - and the interstate lay nearly empty before me. I cranked the ol' SUV up to 75 mph and made up most of the time lost sitting in that traffic jam.

Just as I was beginning to feel guilty about zipping along at 15 mph over the posted limit, a guy in a Toyota Prius went by me at what had to be 90 mph. I wonder if he's some sort of sub-sub-category.

[RightWhale]

I was on the Autostrada somewhere north of Firenze with the gas pedal mashed to the floor and getting ready to speedshift into fourth when a Jaguar starship passed doing about 100 mph faster than my VW van like we were going the wrong way. Almost missed the shift, which would have cost ten minutes of progress toward high gear.

[highnoon]

Currently an Auto-Matic, with a genetic predisposition for -Bahnism. Funny, when I had 4 hondas in a row, then a slow pickup, I drove like a bat out of hell. Now that I have something very fast, I drive much more responsibly (94% of the time!!!). Or maybe I'm finally growing up.

[Richard Kimball]

Sounds like somebody remembers the old George Carlin car routine.

Everybody in front of you is an idiot driving slowly. Everybody behind you is a maniac trying to get past you. Everybody's an idiot or a maniac, because nobody's driving my speed. Somebody drives my speed I slow down so I can keep an eye on them.

[Jagman]

I think they missed some, namely Auto de fe (popular among "middle ages" drivers), auto-destruct (first phase of road rage) to Autopsy (final stage of road rage)!

[Obadiah]

There are two types of drivers, those who drive Buicks, and everyone else!

Although I really don't drink, I'm more like an Auto Bahner. I drive seriously and am constantly alert yet admittedly somewhat aggressive. I have the presence of mind and the visual depth perception that I DO NOT need to sit at a corner and wait until both horizons are completely clear before I move out!

One more thing you rubber neckers: Go rent a crash video from the safety of your couch and stop impeding traffic!

Whew! I feel better already.

[2 Kool 2 Be 4-Gotten]

I'm an excellent driver.
/Rainman

[tfecw]

"Nice. When someone cuts her off and she rolls that van down an embankment, please come back and tell us so I can laugh about it"

Nice, very nice.

My friend did just that on a 75mph road. To be fair he was only doing 75, not 80, so do you still get to yuk it up?