Posted on 07/05/2007 2:59:08 PM PDT by Diana in Wisconsin
Bobby Grady, a convicted felon in secure detention, didn't know for more than a year that he had a son.
When he finally learned of his son's existence, it was only to discover that his parental rights were about to be legally terminated.
Now, Grady wants his son.
Jeffrey, a Milwaukee doctor, raised Grady's son since the boy's birth (he is being identified only by first name to protect the boy's identity in the community). The 3-year-old has had serious medical problems, which required Jeffrey and his wife to take him for treatment several times a day at some points. Over the years, the foster child grew to feel like part of the family.
Now, Jeffrey and his wife want to adopt the child.
Last month, the Wisconsin Supreme Court ruled that a circuit judge erred in trying to terminate Grady's parental rights - to pave the way for an adoption - without a jury trial. According to experts and the parties involved, the decision could have longstanding implications for adoptions in the state. It also could have implications for the rights of fathers who are late to discover that they have a child.
The mother of the 3-year-old named two other men as possible fathers before naming Grady, who learned that he was the father in the fall of 2004 through a DNA test.
"Ultimately (the decision) says a father must be given some type of opportunity to participate in a child's life," said James Troupis, the lawyer who represented Grady.
Stephen Hayes, who represented the foster family, said Wisconsin "is one of the most difficult states in the country to free a child for adoption."
And, he adds: "This makes it worse."
Despite its broader implications, the written decision emphasizes the technical aspects of the case. Chief Justice Shirley Abrahamson wrote for the majority that the Milwaukee County Children's Court judge should not have tried to move to summary judgment on terminating Grady's parental rights without gathering more facts and allowing a jury trial.
Grady's attempts to build a relationship with his son occurred after the state had moved to terminate his rights because he did not know he had a son until that point.
"People get their day in court - that's essentially what they are saying," said Joe Ehmann, the first assistant state public defender.
In a strongly worded dissent, Justice Jon Wilcox wrote: "Could a cocaine-pushing, woman-battering man, who does not even know about the existence of his child, have accepted and exercised 'significant responsibility for the daily supervision, education, protection and care of his child?' "
Grady pleaded no contest in 2004 to manufacturing and distributing cocaine. According to Wilcox's dissent, Grady was facing charges in the battery of a woman at the time that his son was born.
More delays for child
Both sides lamented that the decision prolongs the uncertainty for the child, who turns 4 in August. The boy was born at least six weeks prematurely and has suffered from respiratory problems and pneumonia. Over the last couple of years, multiple adoption dates have come and passed because of legal delays.
"We have treated this child as part of our family since he joined us at birth and have certainly bonded very closely with him," Jeffrey said. "To have this continued uncertainty and stress has been really hard on our family."
Neither Jeffrey nor his wife, Karen, set out to be foster parents. Jeffrey said that through his work as a doctor with an "urban underserved population," he recognized the "incredible need" for foster parents.
The couple has three birth children, who are 7, 5 and 3 months old.
Jeffrey worries that other potential foster or adoptive parents will be discouraged by the decision.
"It's really tragic that the best interests of the child were lost in this case, and it was decided on technical interests without consideration of the best interests of this child, of us as foster parents, and of the system as a whole," he said. "This will have a chilling effect on other potential foster homes."
Over the last several years, the number of foster homes has dropped from more than 2,800 to about 600.
In an interview at the detention center last week, Grady thanked his son's foster family for their efforts but said he "absolutely" wants to start building a relationship with the boy when he is released this year.
"I respect them for taking care of my son; in fact, I love them for that," he said. "But my son deserves to know who his father is. He deserves to know where he came from."
Crucial to the decision in his favor was Grady's point that he made every effort possible to contact his son, once he knew that he had one. He said he sent the boy a money order and shoes through the foster family, and he wrote letters to his son's social workers.
Grady has never met or spoken to his child.
He said his hope is to build slowly a relationship with his son when he is released, starting with regular visits. Eventually, he said, he would like to get a stable job and live with the boy. The Supreme Court ruling does not determine issues such as visitation and custody - it just opens the door for Grady to fight for them.
If he prevails again and eventually gains custody of his son, Grady said, "I still would give the foster parents a chance to see him and spend the night with him.
"What kind of human being would I be if I didn't? It would break their hearts, and it would break my son's heart."
He has a right to his day in court. I could be wrong but it doesn’t sound like he’s fighting for custody.
Far be it from me, a mere mortal man, to bust into a disagreement between two wimmin. Throwing caution to the wind, I believe Diana has the best idea. If he wants to be a real man, he should just quietly go away and leave the kid to have a chance to be normal. He shouldn’t have any rights at all at this point.
We aren’t arguing. Being a parent isn’t easy, no matter how old they are. Al Gore should have put his foot on Jr. a long time ago. Maybe he even did. He’s 24 now though. Send him on his way. If he gets into trouble let him get himself out.
Oops. I’m on the wrong thread. :’)
Ok. The guy isn’t going to for whatever reason. If he gets his son, it’s going to be rough for the kid. When the boy gets older and finds out his “dad” was kept from him, it’s going to be difficult. The Doctor having guardianship, with the dad having some involvement (under supervision) in the boys life just seems a win /win to me. The doc might be able to save a kid and his dad. JMO
Hmmm. This a sticky one for sure. Just maybe the existence of a son could be a turning point in this man’s life. Some men could care less about their offspring. I’m talking about trash, not real men.
I honestly and truly believe in redemption and second chances, through the Lord.
Yes, he is due his day in court, but you’ve got to admit this ruling is ludicrous!
“Eventually, he said, he would like to get a stable job and live with the boy.”
He’s delusional, but he wants the kid. I can see where he thinks the kid will be his “salvation,” but he’s obviously clueless to the fact that change needs to come from within. And we can all smell the ACLU lawyer at twenty paces right behind this guy. *ROLLEYES* Can’t his “salvation” be the fact that he, for ONCE, did the RIGHT THING in his life? Why would his salvation need to lead to the destruction of yet another life? Hasn’t he damaged enough lives through distributing drugs?
A woman-beating coke manufacturer/distributor. Hard spots to change, but I GUESS it can be done. *SHRUG* Even the harlot that gave birth to him was willing to give up custody of the child...though the article doesn’t say what her particular situation ended up being. She could be in prison too for all we know.
By the time he gets out of prison, this kid will be FIVE. He’s had a stable home plus incredible medical odds to overcome and this man is NOTHING to him but some genetic material. I hate to see the courts even HINT at the fact that this guy would even have access to this child who is a total stranger that merely (and obviously accidentally because there were three “Daddies” to choose from) carries his DNA!
Sorry. I’m fierce on this topic. I’m a Step-Mom and if ANYONE came between me and MY cubs, they’d be in for one helluva whoopin’. I’ve given them a much better life than their drug-addled Mama ever wanted to.
I’m for the best interest of the kids 100% in these cases. :)
I also am glad your little one have you. I can’t see any court giving him custody. Supervised visitation rights, might be appropriate though.
Fixed it for you.
Me too. I also think they should not give parental rights or responsibilities to the fathers of illegitimate children, while at the same time the rights of married fathers should be supported and enforced more by the courts.
If unmarried women couldn't get child support they'd get pregnant far less often and opt for adoption far more often.
conversely, if unmarried men were forced to pay for from infancy on up thru college for the kid they helped create, we would have far fewer men shedding their sperm around creating babies.......
Perhaps you haven’t noticed, but that’s how it is now. It’s quite easy to get court ordered child support, the state’s children’s services or welfare system will be happy to help you.
You’d think men would take steps to avoid this, but most don’t, especially the under 25 crowd, or members of the professional criminal underclass.
If we want women to stop having illegitimate children, we need to stop subsidizing them. Plus the whole support enforcement system has it’s own little subset of unintended consequences.
Classic white middle class scenario: College girl gets preggers by a casual boyfriend. Decides to keep baby and finish college rather than put baby up for adoption. Collects various forms of welfare and support from Dad, who is uninterested in forming a relationship with baby, generally paying them to stay away. Grandparents on both sides stay involved in baby’s life.
8 years later, parents have finished college are both gainfully employed and married to others and both have other children. Child support has increased with Daddy’s income, child doesn’t know daddy from a fence post and views her stepfather as her real father.
Birth father, at the urging of his wife, is now seeking full custody so as to end the increasingly painful child support and if they had custody and were getting child support from the birth mom, then the wife could quit her job and stay home with HER children.
Both sets of adults are caught up in the money game and are clueless as to the best interest of the child.
Sadly, if the system hadn’t enabled the mother, the baby would have been adopted either at birth, or by the man her mother is now married to. Instead she is a pawn in a monetary dispute between two sets of stupid greedy adults.
Ultimately, it’s the adults who are at fault, but the system is built to encourage this type of crap, full employemnt for lawyers and the kids pay the price.
I can’t help think it was better when illegitimacy was such a stigma, that most girls said NO and fewer unwanted pregnancies occurred in the first place.
JMO.
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