Posted on 07/25/2007 3:35:03 PM PDT by Sonora
Jersey Girl
A girl from New Jersey and a girl from the west coast were seated side by side on an airplane.
The girl from New Jersey, being friendly and all said, “So, where ya from?”
The west coast girl said, “From a place where they know better than to use a preposition at the end of a sentence.”
The girl from New Jersey, sat quietly for a few moments and then replied: “So, where ya from.... $itch?”
An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay of execution for a client who was due to be hanged for murder at midnight. His last minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed.
As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started on him about, “What time of night to be getting home is this? Where have you been?” “Dinner is cold and I’m not reheating it”. And on and on and on.
Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he went and poured himself a shot of whiskey and headed off for a long hot soak in the bathtub, pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks as he dragged himself up the stairs.
While he was in the bath, the phone rang. The wife answered and was told that her husband’s client, James Wright, had been granted a stay of execution after all. Wright would not be hanged tonight.
Finally realising what a terrible day he must have had, she decided to go upstairs and give him the good news. As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of her husband, bent over naked, drying his legs and feet.
“They’re not hanging Wright tonight,” she said. To which he whirled around and screamed, “FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, WOMAN - DON’T YOU EVER STOP?”
Italian’s boy confession
Little Johnny goes to confession,
“Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose woman.”
The priest asks, “Is that you, little Johnny Parisi?”
“Yes, Father, it is.”
“And who was the woman you were with?”
“I can’t tell you, Father, I don’t want to ruin her reputation.”
“Well, Johnny, I’m sure to find out her name sooner or later, so you may as well tell me now.
“Was it Tina Minetti?”
“I cannot say.”
“Was it Teresa Volpe?”
“I’ll never tell.”
“Was it Nina Capelli?”
“I’m sorry, but I cannot name her.”
“Was it Cathy Piriano?”
“My lips are sealed.”
“Was it Rosa Di Angelo, then?”
“Please, Father, I cannot tell you.”
The priest sighs in frustration. “You’re very tight lipped, Johnny Parisi, and
I admire that. But you’ve sinned and have to atone.
You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself.”
Johnny walks back to his pew, and his friend Nino slides over and whispers,
“What’d you get?”
“Four months vacation and five good leads. C’mon lets go! “
To maintain order on here, let's all pay attention to posting in the proper categories.
To maintain order on here, let's all pay attention to posting in the proper categories.
My family coat of arms ties in the back. Is that normal?
Don’t be so anal!
Laughing till I am crying.
Chelsea Clinton becomes a reporter and is sent to interview servicemen fighting in Iraq. Asking the question:
Chelsea: What are the three things that scare you the most?
Soldier: Osama, Obama and yo mama.
As the blind man passed the fish market, he tipped his hat and said, “Morning ladies!” (also ducking)
Patrick Fitzmichael and Michael Fitzpatrick
So I asked the lady with a wooden leg, "Say Peg....?
So I asked my waitress with a glass eye for some service, "Hey Crystal!"
"I had a girl friend with beautiful haor growing all down her back
Unfortunately, she had none growing on her head!"
hitlery. She the biggest joke of all.
A young hillbilly boy comes home, all excited and full of news. "Pa! Pa! Betty Lou and I are a gittin' married?"
Pa is happy to hear that and asks the boy,"Son, tell me a little 'bout the girl"
"Oh she's wonderful, Pa. And guess what? She's a virgin too!"
"What!!!", exclaims Pa. "You ain't marryin' the girl. If'n she ain't good enough for her kin, she ain't good 'nuff for our'n!"
Two Scottish nuns had just arrived to the US by boat when one said to the other, “I heard that the occupants of this country actually eat dogs.”
“Odd,” her companion replied, “but if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do.”
Nodding emphatically, the mother superior pointed to a hot dog vendor and they both walked towards it.
“Two dogs, please,” said one.
The vendor was only too pleased to oblige and he wrapped both hot dogs in foil. Excited, the nuns hurried over to a bench and began to unwrap their ‘dogs.’
The mother superior was first to open hers, then, stared at it for a moment, leaned over to the other nun and whispered cautiously, “What part did you get?”
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