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Don’t Let Lawyers Sue The Stuffing Out Of You This Thanksgiving
Center for Consumer Freedom ^ | November 16, 2007

Posted on 11/16/2007 7:07:41 PM PST by Eric Blair 2084

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To: GOP_Lady

Naughty, naughty girl........gambling AND smoking - oh the horrors :^)

Happy Thanksgiving!


41 posted on 11/17/2007 7:45:13 AM PST by Gabz (Don't tell my mom I'm a lobbyist, she thinks I'm a piano player in a whorehouse)
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To: Eric Blair 2084

OMGosh! I LOVE it. I am printing multiple copies for my friends who entertain on Thanksgiving. LOL, this is priceless.


42 posted on 11/17/2007 7:52:25 AM PST by tioga (Snow Flurries in New York.)
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To: Eric Blair 2084

The REAL Story of Thanksgiving...

Dead White Guys - Or - What Your History Books Never Told You

November 23, 2005

BEGIN TRANSCRIPT

RUSH: From my second bestseller, “See, I Told You So, “”Chapter 6, “Dead White guys, or What the History Books Never Told You: The True Story of Thanksgiving.” The story of the Pilgrims begins in the early part of the seventeenth century (that’s the 1600s for those of you in Rio Linda, California). The Church of England under King James I was persecuting anyone and everyone who did not recognize its absolute civil and spiritual authority. Those who challenged ecclesiastical authority and those who believed strongly in freedom of worship were hunted down, imprisoned, and sometimes executed for their beliefs.

A group of separatists first fled to Holland and established a community. After eleven years, about forty of them agreed to make a perilous journey to the New World, where they would certainly face hardships, but could live and worship God according to the dictates of their own consciences.

On August 1, 1620, the Mayflower set sail. It carried a total of 102 passengers, including forty Pilgrims led by William Bradford. On the journey, Bradford set up an agreement, a contract, that established just and equal laws for all members of the new community, irrespective of their religious beliefs. Where did the revolutionary ideas expressed in the Mayflower Compact come from? From the Bible.

The Pilgrims were a people completely steeped in the lessons of the Old and New Testaments. They looked to the ancient Israelites for their example. And, because of the biblical precedents set forth in Scripture, they never doubted that their experiment would work.

But this was no pleasure cruise, friends. The journey to the New World was a long and arduous one. And when the Pilgrims landed in New England in November, they found, according to Bradford’s detailed journal, a cold, barren, desolate wilderness. There were no friends to greet them, he wrote. There were no houses to shelter them. There were no inns where they could refresh themselves.

And the sacrifice they had made for freedom was just beginning. During the first winter, half the Pilgrims – including Bradford’s own wife – died of either starvation, sickness or exposure. When spring finally came, Indians taught the settlers how to plant corn, fish for cod and skin beavers for coats. Life improved for the Pilgrims, but they did not yet prosper!

This is important to understand because this is where modern American history lessons often end. Thanksgiving is actually explained in some textbooks as a holiday for which the Pilgrims gave thanks to the Indians for saving their lives, rather than as a devout expression of gratitude grounded in the tradition of both the Old and New Testaments.

Here is the part that has been omitted: The original contract the Pilgrims had entered into with their merchant-sponsors in London called for everything they produced to go into a common store, and each member of the community was entitled to one common share. All of the land they cleared and the houses they built belong to the community as well.

They were going to distribute it equally. All of the land they cleared and the houses they built belonged to the community as well. Nobody owned anything. They just had a share in it. It was a commune, folks. It was the forerunner to the communes we saw in the ‘60s and ‘70s out in California – and it was complete with organic vegetables, by the way.

Bradford, who had become the new governor of the colony, recognized that this form of collectivism was as costly and destructive to the Pilgrims as that first harsh winter, which had taken so many lives. He decided to take bold action. Bradford assigned a plot of land to each family to work and manage, thus turning loose the power of the marketplace.

That’s right. Long before Karl Marx was even born, the Pilgrims had discovered and experimented with what could only be described as socialism. And what happened? It didn’t work! Surprise, surprise, huh? What Bradford and his community found was that the most creative and industrious people had no incentive to work any harder than anyone else, unless they could utilize the power of personal motivation!

But while most of the rest of the world has been experimenting with socialism for well over a hundred years – trying to refine it, perfect it, and re-invent it – the Pilgrims decided early on to scrap it permanently. What Bradford wrote about this social experiment should be in every schoolchild’s history lesson If it were, we might prevent much needless suffering in the future.

“The experience that we had in this common course and condition, tried sundry years...that by taking away property, and bringing community into a common wealth, would make them happy and flourishing – as if they were wiser than God,” Bradford wrote. “For this community [so far as it was] was found to breed much confusion and discontent, and retard much employment that would have been to their benefit and comfort. For young men that were most able and fit for labor and service did repine that they should spend their time and strength to work for other men’s wives and children without any recompense...that was thought injustice.”

Why should you work for other people when you can’t work for yourself? What’s the point?

Do you hear what he was saying, ladies and gentlemen? The Pilgrims found that people could not be expected to do their best work without incentive. So what did Bradford’s community try next? They unharnessed the power of good old free enterprise by invoking the undergirding capitalistic principle of private property. Every family was assigned its own plot of land to work and permitted to market its own crops and products. And what was the result?

“This had very good success,” wrote Bradford, “for it made all hands industrious, so as much more corn was planted than otherwise would have been.” Bradford doesn’t sound like much of a Clintonite, does he? Is it possible that supply-side economics could have existed before the 1980s? Yes. Read the story of Joseph and Pharaoh in Genesis 41. Following Joseph’s suggestion (Gen 41:34), Pharaoh reduced the tax on Egyptians to 20% during the “seven years of plenty” and the “Earth brought forth in heaps.” (Gen. 41:47)

In no time, the Pilgrims found they had more food than they could eat themselves.

Now, this is where it gets really good, folks, if you’re laboring under the misconception that I was, as I was taught in school.

So they set up trading posts and exchanged goods with the Indians. The profits allowed them to pay off their debts to the merchants in London. And the success and prosperity of the Plymouth settlement attracted more Europeans and began what came to be known as the “Great Puritan Migration.”
Now, you probably haven’t read this. You might have heard me read it to you over the previous years on this program, but I don’t think this lesson is still being taught to children — and if not, why not? I mean, is there a more important lesson one could derive from the Pilgrim experience than this? Thanksgiving, in other words, is not thanks to the Indians, and it’s not thanks to William Bradford. It’s not thanks to the merchants of London. Thanksgiving is thanks to God, pure and simple. Go read the first Thanksgiving proclamation from George Washington and you’ll get the point. The word “God” is mentioned in that first Thanksgiving proclamation more times... If you read it aloud to an ACLU member, you’ll get thrown in jail, but that’s what the first Thanksgiving was all about. Get it. I’m telling you, read it. Maybe we can find it and link to it: George Washington’s first Thanksgiving Proclamation. Folks, if you haven’t read that, you need to read it. It will tell you the true story of Thanksgiving. I’m happy to share it with you each and every year as a tradition on this program.

END TRANSCRIPT — LEARN IT, LOVE IT, LIVE IT!


43 posted on 11/17/2007 8:11:13 AM PST by GOP_Lady (Death to the Nanny State!)
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To: GOP_Lady

44 posted on 11/17/2007 8:12:26 AM PST by GOP_Lady (Death to the Nanny State!)
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To: GOP_Lady

Thanks for posting that!!!!


45 posted on 11/17/2007 8:23:08 AM PST by Gabz (Don't tell my mom I'm a lobbyist, she thinks I'm a piano player in a whorehouse)
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To: GOP_Lady

For those with a 24/7 Membership:

http://www.rushlimbaugh.com/home/stacks/trsofg.member.html


46 posted on 11/17/2007 8:47:54 AM PST by GOP_Lady (Death to the Nanny State!)
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To: Gabz

Food, Tradition, Religion, Politics...this thread has it all. :)


47 posted on 11/17/2007 5:12:17 PM PST by Diana in Wisconsin (Save The Earth. It's The Only Planet With Chocolate.)
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To: Gabz

You’re welcome. I will post it on Thanksgiving Eve or Day as a separate thread. :-)


48 posted on 11/17/2007 5:14:42 PM PST by GOP_Lady
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To: Diana in Wisconsin

49 posted on 11/17/2007 5:21:02 PM PST by GOP_Lady
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To: Grammy

I had been without broadcast TV for many years and didn’t understand your post - “Do not taunt happy fun ball” - so I Googled it and read Wiki.
TOO FUNNY! I’ll have to add that to my DISCLAIMER! And I loved the quote used in a later sketch, “Still legal in 16 states.”

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Happy_Fun_Ball

The “Happy Fun Ball” was the subject of a parody advertisement on Saturday Night Live, originally aired on NBC on February 16, 1991.

Voiced by Phil Hartman, the ad declared that Happy Fun Ball (produced by Wacky Products Incorporated, and its parent company, Global Chemical Unlimited), just $14.95, was “the toy sensation that’s sweeping the nation!” However, there were a number of bizarre disclaimers which followed the ad, including “may suddenly accelerate to dangerous speeds” and “if Happy Fun Ball begins to smoke, seek shelter and cover head.” Its ingredients include “an unknown glowing substance which fell to Earth, presumably from outer space”, and said ingredients are not to be “touched, inhaled, or looked at” if exposed due to rupture. Perhaps most famously, viewers are warned, “Do not taunt Happy Fun Ball.”

The parody effectively lampooned advertisers, toy manufacturers, chemical companies, absurdly long legal disclaimers, alien conspiracies, and even mentioned the 1991 Gulf War (stating that Happy Fun Ball is being dropped by US warplanes on Iraq).

Several years later, in the beginning of one of the Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer sketches, Happy Fun Ball was presented as one of the sponsors, with the claim that Happy Fun Ball was “Still legal in 16 states. It’s happy. It’s fun. It’s Happy Fun Ball.”

The entire transcript can be found here:
http://snltranscripts.jt.org/90/90mhappyfunball.phtml

And I love how Google has added an advertising link for VERTIGO and TOXIC CHEMICAL STORAGE to the page because they are mentioned in the skit. Do they even have a clue?

Catch the WAV ~
http://www.geocities.com/Hollywood/Hills/7945/donttaunt.wav


50 posted on 11/17/2007 8:04:10 PM PST by anonsquared
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To: anonsquared

I realized after I posted it that I was probably dating myself badly, but that is the funniest disclaimer I have ever heard.

On a better note, isn’t it amazing what you can find out on google!


51 posted on 11/17/2007 10:30:35 PM PST by Grammy
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To: Eric Blair 2084

Too funny!


52 posted on 11/18/2007 9:41:05 AM PST by stephenjohnbanker (Pray for, and support our troops(heroes) !! And vote out the RINO's!!)
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To: GOP_Lady

LOL!


53 posted on 11/18/2007 9:42:48 AM PST by stephenjohnbanker (Pray for, and support our troops(heroes) !! And vote out the RINO's!!)
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To: GOP_Lady

54 posted on 11/18/2007 6:52:10 PM PST by GOP_Lady
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To: stephenjohnbanker

How to cook a turkey - funny or not?

Step 1: Go buy a turkey
Step 2: Take a drink of whiskey
Step 3: Put turkey in the oven
Step 4: Take another 2 drinks of whiskey
Step 5: Set the degree at 375 ovens
Step 6: Take 3 more whiskeys of drink
Step 7: Turn oven the on
Step 8: Take 4 whisks of drinky
Step 9: Turk the bastey
Step 10: Whiskey another bottle of get
Step 11: Stick a turkey in the thermometer
Step 12: Glass yourself a pour of whiskey
Step 13: Bake the whiskey for 4 hours
Step 14: Take the oven out of the turkey
Step 15: Floor the turkey up off of the pick
Step 16: Turk the carvey
Step 17: Get yourself another scottle of botch
Step 18: Tet the sable and pour yourself a glass of turkey
Step 19: Bless the saying, pass and eat out


55 posted on 11/18/2007 7:00:15 PM PST by GOP_Lady
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To: GOP_Lady

LMBO!!


56 posted on 11/18/2007 7:37:12 PM PST by stephenjohnbanker (Pray for, and support our troops(heroes) !! And vote out the RINO's!!)
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