Posted on 11/17/2007 4:53:59 PM PST by Mrs. Don-o
Last month, a boy asked my 16-year-old daughter to his school's homecoming dance. She agreed to go, bought a new dress and made a hairdresser appointment.
The boy never bought tickets to the dance. Neither did his friends. They decided that attending homecoming wouldn't be cool, and instead planned to just dress up that night, go out for dinner and then hang out with their dates at someone's house.
My daughter was disappointed, as were her girlfriends. They would have loved to have been taken to the dance, to show off their dresses, to see and be seen.
At 6 p.m. on the night of the boycotted dance, about a dozen of these girls and their dates gathered in one boy's backyard so a mob of parents could photograph them. I found it dispiriting. My heart went out to those girls -- all dressed up with no place to go. Couldn't we, as parents, have demanded that the boys take our daughters to the dance? Why did we stand there, clicking our digital cameras, saying nothing?
I live in suburban Detroit, but this phenomenon is playing out elsewhere in the country, too -- a telling example of the indifference with which young people today view dating, chivalry and romance.
Studies, of course, show more young people skipping romantic relationships in favor of "hooking up." As teens socialize in packs, forgo one-on-one dating and trade sex nonchalantly, it is no stretch to find that boys are asking girls to homecoming and not bothering to take them there. But with so many young people ignoring once-sacrosanct dating rites, how can we respond?
(Excerpt) Read more at online.wsj.com ...
LOL!We lovingly refer to her as "the wife" :).
I’d guess that at least one if not more of those boys aren’t allowed to go to homecoming for discipline or academic reasons and that’s why it all of a sudden isn’t “cool” to go.
Tough break for those girls that swoon over bad boys.
Not with my daughter, you don’t.
I’m sure its nothing new in parenting, but I’m not looking forward to my little girl getting to this age.
“Last month, a boy asked my 16-year-old daughter to his school’s homecoming dance.”
10 Rules For Dating My Daughter
Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk you’d better be delivering a package, because you’re sure not picking anything up.
Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter’s body, I will remove them.
Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don’t take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose his compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.
Rule Four:
I’m sure you’ve been told that in today’s world, sex without utilising a “barrier method” of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.
Rule Five:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is “early.”
Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.
Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don’t you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?
Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.
Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a pot-bellied, balding, middle-aged, dim-witted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.
Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.
Stay on your guard and keep her away from the “bad boys”.
I think you hit the nail on the head.
Even 35 years ago, I dated my future wife in this way. When my sons started dating, I instructed them, as did my wife, in how they should act.
One thing they learned the hard way was that I would brook no disrespect to their mother in my presence or out of my presence. They were talking to my wife, and no one disrespects her in any way.
I’ve have told them to marry a girl who is just like their mother, with her qualities. They tell me about the girls today, and I remind them not to sink to that level. The right girl is out there, and if she is not readily apparent yet, that is no excuse for you to be and act like an animal.
My daughter also has high standards. Our rule was—if a boy wants to takes you out, he meets me first. I want to meet him, talk with him, find out some things about him and set the time line for returning my daughter to my house. She is my daughter, not his plaything.
Dads, don’t let society tell you that you can not set the ground rules. It’s your job. Your daughters and sons secretly want you to. If you don’t, then don’t be disappointed when they rise to the level you set.
Then you are way too old to be taking girls to High School Homecoming dances!!
I don’t think the young women are growing up any faster than the young men. Part of it seems to be that nothing in life seems to be permanent these days, whether it be jobs, careers, or relationships. I really think we have to blame both government and corporate America for not allowing even the best and brightest highly skilled jobs and careers to endure for more than few years. Yes, Globalism is affecting this, and it affects the children, trite as that may sound.
Politicians of both major parties often are often from second and third generation political families, who have never had real world jobs in their life. So the decisions they make often do not favor real world America. Illegal immigration is just one of those out of touch issues.
Another thing that amazes me is that many young women in their late teens and early twenties seem to no longer wear rings, at least not on their fingers! They used to wear one if not many rings on theit fingers to signify that they were in a more than short term relationship.
All your rules are great advice for every parent!
sex should be emotionless, without attachments, with the use of the female using birth control of course, because we wouldn't want to slow down our young men any with fatherhood....
society is going to get what it wants and its going to get it good and hard...
Because a half century of feminist propaganda disseminated by the eduKKKrats have told them that's the way they should behave.
And how can I help my two teenage boys ---
I don't know if you can help them, other than making very clear the consequences like STD's and how much it will cost them if they get somebody knocked up. There are simply too many girls around who put out without asking for anything in return. Guys have always been this way. It was the girls who said no. If the girls don't say no, the guys sure as hell aren't going to.
You are right - that does sound very depressing!
You wrote:
“But why is it true?”
Because many teenagers have been led to believe that the old ways are boring, outmoded, and require too much effort and emotional investment.
“And how can I help my two teenage boys -—”
Teach them the old ways. Seriously, teach them to dance (ballroom dance). They’ll hate you now, but thank you later. If you have to, resort to outright bribery. It’s worth it.
“Good Lord, I think of my father and mother, growing up in the Depression, who had lots of friends who liked to sing, dance, play musical instruments, go to movies, -—oh, take walks, even. Knew how to be friends, how to date and how to court -—Knew how to have a good time-—”
Great. Now throw away your TV and computer and buy a piano instead. Sing as a family. No, I’m not kidding. I remember Professor John Senior giving that advice years ago:
“First, negatively, smash the television set. The Catholic Church is not opposed to violence; only to unjust violence; so smash the television set. And, positively, put the time and money you now spend on such entertainment into a piano so that music is restored to your home, common, ordinary Christian music, much of which is very simple to play.”
(Senior, Restoration of Christian Culture)
“I’m rambling because I don’t quite know what to say. This hang out, hook up thing isn’t fun or liberated or anything. It’s just depressing. Don’t you think so?”
Yep. I deal with it head on all the time. I know far too many teenagers in my town. They are wonderful kids in so many ways, but messed up too and so obviously tainted by this world.
That's part of it.
However, the blame is not entirely on the girls. We guys should treat all females with the same respect and dignity that would otherwise be accorded to our mothers and our sisters, irrespective of how the girls are acting. It's part of being a gentleman.
And most of the blame lies at the feet of parents who don't teach (by example) their children how to act as ladies and gentlemen.
Missing fathers.
I dunno, my daughter got taken to Homecoming dances and to the junior and senior proms, as well as annual JROTC balls at which the young gentlemen dressed in their fine uniforms. This was just a couple of years ago. We live near Washington DC.
Thank goodness this fad is starting to fade - especially among the skater kids. They are going for very snug pants. Even the white kids are going tighter. Only the ghetto kids and the wanna be's are wearing the super loose pants.
At least that's how it is in NoVa - things may be different in your corner of the world.
It is one thing if he invited her to a dressy occasion at another venue. But to invite her to a dance and then not take her to the dance is just plain wrong.
I have no problem with students not attending their high school’s particular function. But to invite someone one place and then to renege, and especially without prior warning to the invitee, is just plain wrong.
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