Posted on 01/17/2008 5:08:37 AM PST by SJackson
The Girl Scout cookie season is upon us. That means one thing. The annual cookie sale must be banned.
How can we allow anyone, in these progressive times, to inflict empty calories on an already obese public?
How can we be so inconsiderate to diabetics and others who are unable to consume sugar?
How can we allow any organization, regardless of its cause, to use children to pimp products loaded with trans fat, the partially hydrogenated oil that Americans fear more than communism?
It is true that the Girl Scouts organization was founded in 1912 to help girls develop physically, mentally and spiritually. I know the annual cookie sale has become a tasty part of American culture since it originated in 1917.
But the fact is this: The annual sale is teaching girls TERRIBLE values.
It is teaching them raw capitalism -- how to exploit the weak and the helpless. My own niece, an otherwise sweet and lovely child, knows I can't help but eat shortbread cookies by the row. I eat Thin Mints as though they were Tic Tacs. I down Peanut Butter Patties the way grizzlies dine on wild salmon.
I'm addicted. But rather than protect me from my addiction, she preys on me. She calls or visits just before dinner -- when I am at my most hungry and vulnerable. She tells me about her troop's good deeds and how my order will fund even more.
The clever little manipulator always walks away with a sizable order.
All Girl Scouts do. They probably meet in private to laugh about the helplessness of their victims -- they laugh about the strong-arm techniques they use to part friends, family and neighbors from their hard-earned dough.
In the process, they are destroying our environment. More than 200 million boxes of Girl Scout cookies are sold every year -- that's $700 million in annual revenue. Precious trees must be felled to farm the grains and sugars needed to produce them -- trees that are essential to dissipating carbon dioxide.
What's worse, as those cookies are manufactured, packaged and shipped, more carbon dioxide is pumped into the air. That's right, the Girl Scouts are causing the Arctic ice cap to melt. The next time you dip a shortbread cookie into a cup of milk, the least you can do is remember the starving polar bears stranded on hideously small ice floes.
That's why the annual Girl Scout cookie sale must end.
Look, if the Girl Scouts want to teach girls how to market products and manage inventory and money, can't they be more socially responsible? Instead of selling cookies, why not sell low-energy-consumption light bulbs? Why not sell something that makes the girls aware of man's thoughtless destruction of our fragile ecosystems?
Better yet, instead of teaching the girls the principles of capitalism, why not teach them how to be government bureaucrats instead? America is moving toward European-style socialism. The careers of the future will be in government, not the private sector. Why not have the government produce a pamphlet on the harmful effects of cookies, then mandate that the girls develop a program to distribute it?
Sure, I know some people will criticize me for demanding an end to the cookie sale. They'll say that it really does teach girls useful business skills. They'll say that it's as much a part of American culture as baseball and apple pie -- that we should celebrate it and enjoy it. They'll say that America has real problems and that I ought to focus on those rather than something as harmless as a lousy cookie sale.
Well, nuts to that. I urge you to write your senator and congressperson. If the Girl Scouts won't willingly stop foisting their cookie pox on the rest of us, we must use the might of the federal government to mandate a ban on their annual sale.
I hope the ban goes into effect before my niece talks me into placing another order.
Hands off my Girl Scout cookies..besides this year they have a new cookie in 100 calorie packs :)
“besides this year they have a new cookie in 100 calorie packs :)”
That just means I’ll have to eat more packs per sitting. ;)
[If the Girl Scouts won’t willingly stop foisting their cookie pox on the rest of us, we must use the might of the federal government to mandate a ban on their annual sale.]
Of Tom Purcell, spoken like a true communist!
It’s satire, but it’s the way some people really think.
That’s good satire. Mmmmm-tasty!
Careful the 100 calorie pack is a $1.00 more than a full box of cookies. I almost ordered some to send to the sandbox till I realized I was getting hosed on those ones.
One state (forget which one) sued the Girl Scouts for not collecting sales tax on cookies.
Something even worse is our schools pimping our kids and grandkids to sell trendy gift items, way overpriced, as school fundraisers for (insert your project).
The Girl Scouts yes. They are tax exempt, charitable etc.
But don’t we pay taxes to support educational projects?
Those little Nazis are using our own desire for carbohydrates againt us, and we can’t even see the danger. We’re too busy stuffing ourselves with creme de mints and other pre-packaged goodies. Take my advice: when you see a girl scout, steer well clear. When you see a group of them, go the other way. When you see a group of them in uniform, you run. You run your ass off and don’t look back.
My daughter’s a Girl Scout. My order is already in. (Hmmmmm, Thin Mint . . . .)
At least that’s what my wife says I think.
Our GS area went with a new bakery so the Samoas will have a new name but same great taste. A few other change-ups I can live with.
If you should accidentally buy some of those evil cookies, send them to me. I’ll take them off your hands as a public service.
Unfortunately my comments and links are not satire.
I won’t buy them because the girl scouts have removed God from their pledges and in some troops are actively promoting lesbianism.
So why isn’t the Girl Scouts, like the Boy Scouts, being sued and protested against for not allowing lesbian Scout leaders?
The Cookie Crumbles
http://www.nationalreview.com/23oct00/lopez102300.shtml
Girl Scouts National Conclave to Feature Pro-Abortion, Pro-Lesbian Speakers
http://www.cwfa.org/articles/8808/CFI/family/index.htm
Pro-Abortion Feminist Scouts
http://www.intellectualconservative.com/article3139.html
Although my daughter left the Girl Scouts many years ago, I have a convenient excuse when panhandled to buy cookies. “No thanks, my daughter is a Girl Scout.” The little twirps always smile and thank me rather than scowl as if I had just said, “No, they’re fattening.”
Are they lead based this season? Where are they made? Blackbird.
My daughter was a Girl Scout and sold the cookies. There is always at least 3 or 4 people in the office with daughters selling them. And I will buy a bunch of boxes of Thin Mints, Peanut Butter Patties, and Macaroons. Always best when frozen.
As a financial person, I’d love to get information on how much money those cookies have raised for the Girl Scouts over the years. Does anybody know if this stuff is public?
I can’t accept the causes espoused by the left teaching girl scouts. The cookie sale may support capitalism as a concept, it is just capitalism being used by leftsts to support their indoctrination programs.
It is easy to resist thier pedestrian cookis. (seriously has anyone read the ingredients)
Resistance is easy, “sorry my [insert person here, secretary, wife, daugher, grandaughter] has me buying/selling these too.”
Too bad there is no strong alternative group for young girls.
well, he’s convinced me. Down with the girl scouts!
Think.
If you ban them, how would the girls have the sex ed through Planned Parenthood?
It’s for the children. (spit)
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