"I don't care who you are. That's funny right there."
Posted on 02/17/2008 3:34:44 AM PST by Clive
Dalton doesn't have a prayer
... so may I suggest something completely non-offensive to open the daily proceedings?
Premier Dalton McGuinty says it's time for the Ontario Legislature to "move beyond" its use of the Lord's Prayer to open the daily proceedings and to replace it with something more reflective of the province's multiculturalism and diversity. Here's my suggestion:
Dear Lord, Jesus, Allah, Buddha, Vishnu, Sun God, Moon God, Earth Mother, Great Hairy Muffin In The Sky, Or Whomever You Consider The Creator To Be, Whether A He, She Or It, Or Not, Since We Don't Want To Offend The Atheists And Agnostics In Our Midst ...
Please Hear Our Prayer, Or Non-Denominational Moment Of Personal Reflection, Or Secular Minute Of Silence, Or This Brief Pause I'm Taking to Figure Out Whether I Left My Wallet, Or Purse, As The Case May Be, Back At My Office, Or Lost It, In Which Case I'm Going To Have One Female Dog Of A Day Cancelling My Credit Cards ...
As We Begin Our Proceedings Today, Or Whatever It Is We Do Here, Considering That It's Not Like A Real Job, Which, Come To Think Of It, Is Probably Why We're All So Out Of Touch With Reality ...
We Ask That You, If You Exist, Bless Us And Guide Us ... But Not In A Particularly Religious Way, Since We Don't Want To Offend Our Agnostic Or Atheist Friends, Be They, Or We, Heterosexual, Homosexual, Bisexual, Transgendered Or Confused, And Regardless of Race, Creed, Colour, Age, Ethnicity, Gender, Country Of Origin Or Sexual Orientation ...
In Our Words, Thoughts And Actions, So That Just Once, Maybe We Could Get Through A Question Period Around Here Without Having Peter Kormos, George Smitherman Or Bob Runciman Blow A Head Gasket, Which Is, Like, Something I Really Need As The Speaker, Who Has To Try And Keep Control Of This Herd Of Cats Every Day And ... And ...Sorry ... Where Was I?... Oh Yeah ...
And Also, That We May Do Your Bidding, That Is -- If There Is A You That We Can Do Bidding For, And If Not, That's, Okay -- In Representing The Poor Shlubs Who, Can You Believe It?, Actually Voted For Us And Put Us Here, Where We Spend 90% Of Our Time Yelling At Each Other Over Stuff Nobody In Their Right Mind Cares About, Such As The Committee Which Came Up With This Gawdawful Prayer, Or Whatever The #$%!@?! It Is, To Replace The Lord's Prayer, Which Nobody Was Complaining About, Because It's Not Like We Have Anything Better To Do ...
Such As Not Fixing Medical Wait Times While Claiming We Have, Or Trying To Figure Out McGuinty's Latest Position, Other Than Supine, On Black Focused Schools ...
And We Further Ask You, If There Is A You, To Cause Your Countenance To Shine Upon Us, As If We Even Know What A Countenance Is, Other Than A Fancy Word For Face, And Again, Only If You Exist And Thus Have A Countenance, Let Alone One That Shines, To ...
Strengthen Us In Our Daily Endeavours And Forgive Us For Whatever It Is We're About To Do, Because While I Missed This Morning's Caucus Meeting And In Fact Have No Idea Of What We're About To Do, Whatever It Is, You Can Pretty Much Bet, If There Is A You, That We're Going To Screw It Up ...
Forever And Ever, Amen ...
Or, Alternatively, Awomen ...
Or, Come To Think Of It, Also AChristian, AMuslim, AJew, etc., plus Aagnostic or Aatheist ... Which ... Wait A Minute ... Should Probably Be Anagnostic or Anatheist ...
Amen ...
Or, Alternatively ...
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"I don't care who you are. That's funny right there."
Hysterical! Love it.
Liberals would probably go along with this, but only if you remove the first part about, "Lord, Jesus".
“Just Before I Leave With My Son for Church” bump.
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