Posted on 03/12/2008 4:55:51 AM PDT by ciocia
I did not belittle my ex husband. I did not deny him sex. He needed constant attention and I gave it to him. I stroked his ego, I lost 125 pounds, I never so much as looked at another man. My ex husband worked hard. He wanted me at home and that's where I stayed. I made sure he had a home cooked meal every night (he picked out our menus.) My world revolved around my husband.
My ex could not give me a valid reason as to why he had a 2 year affair with another woman. He tried to think of excuses and they were pathetic. To give you a glimpse, one of the excuses he came up with is that he found out I dated a African American when I was in high school. After that, he just couldn't look at me the same. What? I dated an African American 10 years prior and he was prejudiced so he had an affair?
The wounds are still there. I was in complete shock when I found out about the affair and 4 years later I ask myself “Why? What did I do or neglect to do that he had to pursue this relationship?” I just don't see how I am to blame for his behavior. How am I to blame for that fact that he brought his girlfriend home to have sex in our bed when I was doing volunteer work for the school? How am I to blame for our 8 year old daughter knowing about daddy's girlfriend before mommy did (he talked on the phone with her all of the time in front of our daugther)?
There are selfish Men AND women who have affairs that cannot be justified as “They aren't getting what they need at home.” There is such a thing as serial cheaters. No matter how good they have it at home the grass is always greener on the other side.
My situation was similar, but not quite as bad as yours. The big blessing for me was when she divorced me. It was the greatest pain of my life, but I compare it to the pain of birth.
Afterwards was when my life really started and it has been incredible. Yeah, it was hard on my three daughters but I sometimes wonder if it would have been worse on them to see their dad being beat up year after year. What kind of wives would they have made.
Now they have a better example in how my wife and I treat each other - and they are part of a Brady bunch!
As a Christian I also hold to what a divorced woman I used to know said about her husband divorcing her: “I take responsibility for some of the problems in my marriage but I don’t take responsibility for my divorce - because I didn’t do it.”
The bible tells us that if an unbelieving spouse chooses to divorce you, you should let them. You have no responsibility.
>>Oh, and don’t forget that about the time the beer belly develops and the hair starts to recede, so does their sex drive....
Just about the time yours ramps into high geer....but then, we’re supposed to love them anyhow and not make demands.<<
Hmmm...
We’re both 54 and still like college kids...
Well, it's certainly not the best example. If you look at Spitzer's public career, it's obvious that he's a real creep. No matter what his wife is like, he's still a creep.
I don't disagree with the idea that both spouses have responsibilities in marriage. However, from reading Dr. Laura's books, I have gained the impression that she has a low view of both men and women, and I find this limits the value of her advice.
Sometimes I just can't resist the "train wreck" stories, though. I read celebrity gossip articles, too!
Yeah, you can only do your part and “hope” your spouse is adult enough to do theirs. But if they don’t, that doesn’t free you up to stop doing your part. After all, that is not the high road to motivating them to do their part when they wise up and realize that THEY will reap the benefits of doing their part.
Just about the time yours ramps into high geer....but then, we’re supposed to love them anyhow and not make demands.
I have noticed my wife (41) sex drive has increased. That is why I go to the gym and keep a thin body. Guys who let themselves go are not only being unfair to their body but also the spouse.
>>Bet the Money Changers in the temple would disagree<<
That is because they felt the brunt of his “perfect” righteous anger. It is also why I used the word “perfect” in my post. What He did in the temple was a perfect response to the situation.
Please read what I wrote: “SOME women bear PART of the blame when their husbands stray.”
I never said in “all” cases. Some, not all.
I’m sorry for your loss and for what appears to be a sad excuse for a man.
Sorry Edward! I should have read your post better. I haven’t posted on FR for years (pretty much since I divorced that jerk) and this thread just brought it all back again!
Oh, one last thing. I saw your pictures on your website. You’re very attractive, both now, AND when you were overweight. I’m sorry your ex-husband couldn’t see that.
Regardless, congratulations on your current hubby and hope life is good for you and your family.
Congrats on the weight loss. By the way, you look great.
>>then human beings has perfect responses to situations<<
Yes. Sometimes.
Who knew Joe could be reasonable? ;o)
Scenario: After 23 years of marriage, wife is told husband has an illegitimate daughter. Wife runs to best friend for advice, who says leave the POS, she takes him back never tells their own 3 kids about it.
Fast forward: After 35 years of marriage, wife catches husband cheating with a differnt woman, witnesses him breaking it off, and catches him cheating again with yet another woman. Wife runs to SAME best friend to stay a week with best friend and BF’s husband before - wait for it - she goes back to El Louso AGAIN.
What say you, FReepers???
“He said it’s her obligation to be the best she can be because men have ‘needs’.”
It’s funny how the Bible has no carve-outs or exemptions to the “no adultery” command because of everybody’s perceived needs. If a man or woman feels the need to commit adultery, they should own up to the fact that they are an adulterer, and quit blaming others for their choice. What if a spouse is injured or disabled and unable to have sexual relations? Do the “needs” of the other spouse mean they are allowed to go off and sleep with other people?
You are right...but it's something people do not like to talk about...I talk about it all the time. My best friend gained alot of weight within one year of getting married. It's infuriating. I think it's paramount to fraud. Alot of people won't like that. When I bring it up, she cries, "he's supposed to love me for me..it doesn't matter what I look like..." OH REALLY? Then why did you dress up on dates? Why did you go to the gym everyday BEFORE you got married?
Why do women think that way? It's so disrespectful to their husbands and themselves.
What usually happens is that women wind up taking on their husband's eating habits and patterns unless they are diligent. I know I did. I gained about 15 pounds the first year of my marriage but I work hard to keep off the weight that is so easy for women to put on. It's a daily battle which alot of women just don't have the fortitude to fight.
And then there's the baby weight. Women seem to thnk that they have a right to be heavy because they do the childbearing...OK...but don't complain when your husband becomes disinterested.
Women like that just don't care about men's needs is the bottom line.
Usually does, but then again I have a good friend whose ex-wife lived a complete and total lie before they were married. She loved to do everything he did, jogged with him, traveled, etc. As soon as they were married she resumed smoking (complete shock that she had ever smoked), told him she hated all the things she formerly claimed to enjoy, and decided that she didn't much care for sex either. There are psychopaths, and they get married too.
His biggest mistake was not going for an immediate annulment.
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