Posted on 03/12/2008 4:55:51 AM PDT by ciocia
I'm sorry, the decision to commit adultery is that person's alone. The idea that if you are not the perfect spouse that means that the other spouse is entitled or less wrong for having sex with prostitutes is ridiculous. How many married people did everything 100% right all of the time? How many perfect people are there? When you take your vows, it is for better or worse. As a Christian, I believe that vows made between spouses are also made to God- what did He do to drive a spouse to adultery?
I had a friend who’s hubby said “If you gain up to X weight, I’ll divorce you.”
So she got in the car and got 10 big Macs, came home and proceeded to chow down in front of him....he got the message.
She’s still heavy, but married to a man who thinks she hung the moon.
Life is too short for selfish jerks.
>>LOL. An even bigger crock.<<
No. It’s not. I’ve discovered the same in a LARGE number of my friends (that will talk about it). And this is in ALL phases of my adult life - in my “young family church years”, my bicycling years, my bass playing in rock band years, my “getting close with the people I work with” years, you name it.
It is universal in the US at least.
Oh, and don’t forget that about the time the beer belly develops and the hair starts to recede, so does their sex drive....
Just about the time yours ramps into high geer....but then, we’re supposed to love them anyhow and not make demands.
I think Dr. Laura is correct. Yes, many times the guy just can’t keep it in his pants but there are times when a manipulative wife brings the problem on. My wife and I were perfectly fine for the first two years of our marriage. We had a daughter and then my wife announces that “she really doesn’t like sex, but if you cheat on me then I’ll divorce you”. My daughter means the world to me and I would never deprive her of having her dad at home. My in-laws were too powerful (A District court judge and a powerful business executive) so even though my wife was not the better parent I would have lost my daughter. I’m the one that stays up with my daughter all night when she is sick while my wife sleeps. I’m the one that does about 80% of the household duties in addition to having a full-time job that keeps me busy 50 hours a week. It’s now been 15 years since I married her and there is not one ounce of passion in our lives but I WILL NOT give up being a father to my daughter and son (which was born three years after our daughter). My kids are my life. My “wife” quit being a mate 13 years ago.
Oh the joys and double standards of marriage!!! :)
>>There may be cases in which the mechanism ‘Dr. Laura’ proposes is at work, but I think in general men who cheat on their wives are just lizards. (It’s called the ‘Fall of Man’: humanity having made ourselves more like the brute beasts, subject to irrational passions, rather than ruling over them, through disobedience to God’s command.)<<
Yeah, I think that pretty much nails it, generally speaking.
I do remember in the couples class at my old church that the women would really squirm when the verses about your body not being yours but your husbands was pointed out. Some of the women vociferously disagreed with the teachers simple explanation of a simple concept. It was very telling. What was even more interesting was that the husbands of every one of the “more verbal” of these women was obviously and totally “whipped”.
Almost as interesting was how the men in the class reacted differently when the verses that applied to how to treat their wives were pointed out. After all, from a mans perspective, if the bible says the sky was blue, it probably means the sky was blue. ‘Nuff said.
The other delightful bit is how our sex drives are less than theirs, always....
Erm,
no....
>>Nobody is responsible for someone elses behavior or choices.<<
I disagree on principle. If I shoot a man that is trying to rob me, he IS responsible for my choice and behavior.
But ultimately, this is not about responsibility in so direct an example. Fact is, how you treat others is going to have an impact on how they treat you.
I do know of one man who was able to be “perfectly” imune to this though. His name was Jesus the Christ.
For the rest of us mortals, husbands and wives alike, many of our actions are based on how our spouses treat us. And to wives that means, if you withhold sex, do not be surprised if your husband gets it elsewhere. Same goes for husbands.
>>Seems that she regards men as childlike and perpetually immature.<<
Then Dr. Laura and I are on the same page. ‘Course, I feel the same way about women.
I feel we are all “disobedient children on the playground”.
I WANT MY PLASMA TV.
I WANNA WATCH THE BIG GAME.
I WANT A NICE NECLACE.
I WANNA GO TO HAWAII.
I “DESERVE” BETTER THAN THIS!
Blah, blah, blah... We’re all kids to one degree or another.
No it’s not a crock. Dr Laura is right. SOME women bear PART of the blame when their husbands stray. This happens when they belittle their husbands, don’t support them, don’t make them feel special and wanted, and refuse to be intimate with them.
What’s a guy to do, especially when other women shower him with compliments, flirt with him, and make him feel special and wanted?
This close-minded view of the mythical man, where he is expected to remain faithful, despite these negative pressures from his wife and positive pressures from other women is asinine. This is why divorce is so high in our society and why so many women live alone, bitter, and always complaining about how they are victims of evil white men. This is why so many white men end up marrying Asian women - they VALUE their husbands (at least both my late wife and my current wife does).
Look, it isn’t hard to understand: we men have sensitive egos - if we don’t get what makes us happy and valued at home, we’ll go elsewhere.
I’ve never cheated on either of my wives because I know I can’t get outside what I already have inside the home. My wife will just come into my office just to give me a kiss and a cuddle, tell me she loves me, thank me for giving her handsome sons, and for marrying her. Sometimes, she’ll bring a sandwich and drink, just because she knows I’m working hard.
What do you think that does to my ego and self-esteem? Of course I reciprocate - I take care of the baby when he wakes up every night, I cook dinner most nights, I clean the bathrooms, I go shopping with her (even clothes and shoes), I give her a dozen roses out of the blue after she put together a great children’s party last week, I go walking with her, and watch television shows together.
Marriage means both sacrifice for the other. If either party feels demeaned and isn’t getting what he or she wants out of the relationship, they’re going to seek it elsewhere.
It definitely isn’t a “crock.”
“Women ‘r evil”
That is what my wife says.
I’m not joking.
She’s articulated it. Explained situations at gatherings so I could “watch” the interaction between them and certain men. Fascinating stuff.
Women really are cats and men really are dogs. The analogy is so accurate it is kinda scary.
>>Men don’t cheat because they are NEGLECTED by their wives.<<
Yes they do. All the time.
Funny how it's ok to point out that men get older, balder and fatter but God forbid a man even hint that about a woman. Women, led by Oprah in the US have constructed a scenario where they can and do criticize men for every flaw, real or imagined. Men however cannot criticize women at all regarding their looks or weight because it's just so insensitive. American women buy into this and then cannot figure out why their husbands aren't interested in them anymore when they make no effort to remain healthy and attractive.
>>The short story is this - Men if you do not provide your wife with the emotional needs she desires you ain’t getting laid.<<
Short is right. I was looking for the other side to it. Somethnig that started with “Women, if you do not provide...”
It wasn’t there though.
Both men AND women need to learn their side. The fact that both my wife AND I supply each others needs has a snowball effect. My wife says that the way I treat her all day IS the foreplay. But it is easy because she inspires me (if you know what I mean)!
Meanwhile, this other woman I used to know (if you get my drift) would complain when her husband gave her roses, because one of them had a little bit of brown on the edge. She wanted him to take them back.
It was the last time she ever received flowers.
It takes to to tango, even if one is a really good dancer. But put that dancer with another good dancer and, well, like I said, it’s been a ten year honeymoon so far...
Dr. Laura is missing the most important fact...MEN ARE JUST DOGS.
It is the same as the old argument which comes first the chicken or the egg. Play it safe and do what you are supposed to do. LOL!!
It is a lot of work especially with two children but the results are worth it. :>)))
>>I’m sorry, the decision to commit adultery is that person’s alone.<<
Won’t get any argument from you there.
Just remember though - there is only one man I know of that is perfect. The rest may respond “badly” to how they are treated by their spouse and how their needs are met. And these needs are clearly outlined in the bible and the bible clearly states who is OBLIGATED to meet those needs.
Imagine if the bible says you are only to eat food prepared by your spouse, and then your spouse decides that you didn’t take out the trash soon enough or didn’t get her enough jewelry so she decided not to feed you for a couple of weeks.
And yest, sex IS like food to human beings. It is a physical AND emotional need. And there is a reason God made women capable of it even when they are not “in the mood”.
But for me, I am really glad I and Mrs. Robroy are not in the predicament in which so many americans find themselves.
I can tell you with utmost confidence that we agree on this: If a woman is refusing to have sex with her husband at a reasonable frequency (say, two to three times a week), she should not be surprised if he chooses to “eat out”.
And, to make this clear - whether a person loves their spouse or not is TOTALLY their responsibility. Everyone is loveable and hatable. When you marry someone, you choose to love them, no matter what.
If you choose not to love a person, no matter who that person is, you can find plenty of reasons for not loving them. The reverse is also true.
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