Skip to comments.The Slow Descent Into Hell
Posted on 04/12/2008 4:24:12 AM PDT by NonZeroSum
Barack Obama showed his deft political touch today, and demonstrated his keen insight into the lives of the little people in this country, with a speech that is sure to be worth at least thirty points in Pennsylvania in the upcoming primary:
You go into these small towns in Pennsylvania and, like a lot of small towns in the Midwest, the jobs have been gone now for 25 years and nothing's replaced them... And it's not surprising then they get bitter, they cling to guns or religion or antipathy to people who aren't like them or anti-immigrant sentiment or anti-trade sentiment as a way to explain their frustrations.
I asked around the area, to see how his obvious compassion for Pennsylvanians was viewed. This is just one story, from one man in West Deer Township, but I'm sure that it's typical.
"By cracky, it's like the man sees into my soul!
"Thirty years ago, I had a good job in the mill in Pittsburgh. I was bringing in a good income, going to jazz clubs, discussing Proust over white wine and brie, with my gay friends of all colors. I was all for free trade, so that we could sell the steel overseas, and I never bothered to go to church, let alone actually believe in God.
"But then, the plant closed down, and I couldn't get another job. I went on unemployment, and found odd jobs here and there, but they barely paid the rent in the loft, and the payment on the Bimmer. I couldn't afford the wine and brie any more, and had to shift over to beer and brats.
"Of course, as a result, I started hanging out with the wrong crowd--the beer drinkers.
"And it wasn't just the beer. Some of them actually went out in the woods in the fall, and shot animals. And kilt 'em. With real guns!
"I was shocked, of course. For all their diversity, none of my gay friends would have ever thought of doing anything like that. But with my job loss, and lack of money for pedicures and pommade, they didn't want to hang with me any more. So I borried a twelve gauge over'n'under, and went out with my new beer-drinking animal-killing friends in the woods. And I'll tell you what, when I shot down that eight-pointer, I felt a sense of power over the helpless in a way that I hadn't since I'd been looking down on the rednecks when I had that good job in Pittsburgh, driving around town in my 528i.
"But somehow the killing, and hating those two-timing nancy boys wasn't enough. I was still in despair. I started to search for answers, and I thought that I found them in Jesus. It started small, just church on Sunday, with prayers and a lecture from the preacher.
"But it didn't stop there. Soon I was attending Wednesday night revivals, and huzzahing and hossanahing, and babbling with the best of them. After a few months I'd graduated to juggling garter snakes, then rattlers.
"But it wasn't enough. Despite all the gun caressing, and animal killing, and hatred of people who weren't like me, and anger at the Colombians who were...doing something to me--I'm not entirely sure what, and the tongue speaking and snake handling, I still couldn't find a job.
"My social life continued to deteriorate. Not only was I no longer interested in those sensitive swishes, or literature, but I was starting to look with lust at my sister. And not just look, I'll tell you what. She'd been out of work, too, and was getting mighty interested, if you know what I mean.
"I have hit rock bottom.
"Please, help me, O Bama. Forgive me, O Bama. O Bama, my Bama, rescue me from this living hell in which Reagan, and Bush, and Clinton, and Bush, have consigned me. Restore unto me my loft and my teutonic status symbol. Give me back my poofter friends, and my pinot grigio and my baked gruyere, and lattes. Save me from the killing and the beer, and most of all, from Jesus. Save me, O my Bama, and I will commit my vote unto you.
This is just one story of the many lives that Barack Obama has touched, and blessed, this day in the benighted Keystone State. But with his obvious compassion, and ability to feel the pain of others so unlike him, he is sure to carry the state in a couple weeks.
John McCain is the luckiest man in America.
I seriously doubt that luck was involved, any more than it was when Clinton was elected, having the good “fortune” of running against a Republican incumbent, whom most conservatives would not vote for and a wild-card Perot.
Scrappleface has now got some dangerous competition!
No kidding! And I'm thinking, "This could have been my chance, my year." Heck, almost anybody with a clue could win this election if they dared to jump in now.
Moby Dick was also a sperm whale.
The question is whether he will have the sense enough to realize it. All he needs to do to win is to take a swing at Osama's glass jaw. Will he have the sense enough to do it?
Maybe George Soros is having second thoughts about handing Obama a U.S. Senate seat rather than making him earn it with a real election campaign. Then again, since he owns McCain too, maybe not.
Reminds me of “Jon Carry, we r stuck in Irak Ples halp us!”
Sounds like Kerry and ‘Bama are struck from the same cloth.
“John McCain is the luckiest man in America.
The question is whether he will have the sense enough to realize it. All he needs to do to win is to take a swing at Osama’s glass jaw. Will he have the sense enough to do it?”
I doubt it. Good sense is not something that Sen. McCain has been known for. More likely he’ll criticize conservative commentators for making hay over this unfortunate slip of the tongue on the part of his “honorable and well-qualified” opponent.
Just sent this to my beer drinking, gun collecting father-in-law.
James Carville described Pennsylvania as Pittsburgh in the West, Philadpelhia in the East. And Alabama in the middle.
Anyone up for bingo tonight at the Elks?
My buddy claims that some churches don’t have snake pits, but I’m not sure I believe him.
This is totally hysterical. Obama is toast.
I thought it was a venereal disease.
I did a Google and checked the first two pages. I’m surprised no one picked this up as a porn star name. I’m claiming it now. :-)
Can’t wait to see what these guys say.
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