Posted on 11/11/2008 5:15:16 PM PST by Tolerance Sucks Rocks
The Federal Reserve is leading a desperate struggle to prop up one of the recording industry's biggest and most well known artists as its latest release continues to languish on store shelves and internet retailer warehouses around the country.
Reminiscent of the flurry of bank buyouts conducted by the government in recent months, the Fed said it will pay Warner Brothers Records $30 million dollars for 2 million unsold copies of Metallica's new release "Death Magnetic" to buttress the label, whose exposure to a storm of criticism that the album sucks had led to a crisis in confidence that neither the company nor the band could remain viable.
"As heavily invested as they are in the group, a flop as monumental as 'Death Magnetic' was shaping up to be would not only spell the likely end to the triumphant career of America's most famous heavy metal band, but severely encumber the distribution of the work of other such celebrated Warner Brothers artists as Static-X, Paris Hilton and Larry the Cable Guy should the label fail, and that would be a real shame," said Charles Boddicker of The American Economist.
The decision to buy out what remains of what many consider the latest futile attempt by a group of pitiful old men to recapture the glorious but more than obviously fleeting synergy of their youthful musicianship has elicited an angry backlash from citizens across the country.
(Excerpt) Read more at newsmutiny.com ...
LOLOLOL!!
Lol. Metallica is unrecognizable after And Justice for All.
LOL...next to be bailed out will be the Scooter Store, because business will be ruined after BO heals all those who can’t walk.
Metallica’s latest stuff sucks nearly as bad as the latest stuff from GM & Ford....
LOL! Bailouts of GNR’s Chinese Democracy next?
A new SatireWire? Looks promising, thanks!
Hopefully they will show the same financial compassion for Herman’s Hermits who have fallen on tough times these last 3 decades.......
I wouldn’t be surprised.
My wife and I ceased being fans of Metallica after they decided to go after Napster. And yes I know this is a joke. :)
ROFL. Don’t give them any ideas.....
Soon the proposal will be to “bail out” all musical performers at the level of their best-ever sales, i.e., if they ever had a “Gold” or “Platinum” album then their current and future output must be govt-subsidized to that level, etc.
Yeah, but prior to that, they were unintelligible. Saw them live for Monsters of Rock in 1988, couldn't understand a word they screamed - except for the profanity. Good music, though.
Loose lips sink ships -- and can make a girl (in)famous.
The Metallica video for ‘the day that never comes’ is even suckier.
The show “24” better dance a dance and sing a song this year or it will be up for a bailout too!
Metallica has always sucked.
They should waste our tax dollars
bringing Nirvana back from the dead,
that was actually a very good band.
There’s still HOPE for Yoko
You missed out on this one...
You know, it’s really hard separating reality from satire lately.
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