Posted on 05/05/2009 1:36:08 PM PDT by Jim Robinson
Edited on 05/05/2009 3:53:30 PM PDT by Jim Robinson. [history]
So, you say you want to win elections? No problem. Just be more like the Democrats.
All you've got to do is:
1) Quit talking about abortion. Go along with the flow. A woman's body is hers to control. If a growing baby is in the way, who cares? Kill him!
2) Quit objecting to gay marriage. That's so, like, yesterday. Don't you watch Rosie O'Donnell? Gay marriage is sooooo in. Queer is cool.
3) Quit objecting to big spending, big government, big taxes. C'mon man, the government knows what's best for us. Paying your taxes is patriotic. BIG government with BIG ideas is what made America GRATE!! Takes a lot of money to keep those BIG ideas flowing from BIG government!
4) Quit worrying about following the constitution. Talk about yesterday, the constitution is ancient! A quaint old document written by rich white guys in different times, for different times. There is no way our founding fathers could have foreseen all the problems we have in our modern times. Time to ditch the constitution and get with the modern program! We should pay more attention to international law and how they do things in Europe! Peace, bro!
5) Speaking of international law, why do we keep resisting the United Nations and other global government bodies? That's so old fashioned. If we all get behind the UN, it'll be a BIG step towards world peace! Europe, Russia, China, North Korea, Syria, Iran, et al, know more about peace than all the rest of us put together!
6) Speaking of world peace, why do we spend so much money on our war making machines? Cut the military!! Dismantle and destroy the nukes!! Scrap the Air Force and the Navy!! Convert the army into a civilian peacekeeping corps! If they held a war and no one came, we'd have peace, man!! Cut the war making machines and save the world!!
7) Borders? Why? They just get in the way of international commerce and the free flow of goods and labor. And they foment nationalism. Nationalism is our biggest enemy! Dissolve the borders and let freedom ring for all!!
8) Global warming, er, climate change. C'mon, it's obvious to all, and 12,000,000 government (political) scientists cannot be questioned. The climate is changing. And man made CO2 is the reason! We must reduce our carbon footprint on this planet or we're all gonna die! The GOP must stop being part of the problem and jump onto the climate change bandwagon. We're the last holdout!
9) The economy. We're burning too much oil. Too much fossil fuel. We cannot be profitable using oil that must be imported from countries that don't like us very much. Close down all industry depending on fossil fuels and start building new industries that use good green wind, solar and wave power!! Don't worry that these technologies don't exist yet, just close the coal burning plants and build the new. We'll tax the holdouts to death and create good shovel ready green jobs for the masses.
10) Healthcare. What greater right is there than the equal right to the miracle of modern medicine for everyone? Let's quit beating around the bush. The federal government is the only entity big enough to supply free and equal healthcare to the masses. Government knows best. Time for stingy conservatives to get out of the way. Like the successful battles for African-American and gay rights, equal healthcare rights for all is a civil rights issue!! So is housing! We all have the right to live in equal housing!!
11) Stop talking about religion and God and Jesus and the Creator and all that superstition stuff. Just makes us look foolish. Sheesh, talk about ancient. Jesus walked 2000 years ago. And God is older than dirt! And our dirt is old, man. Not 6,000 years—billions of years. Creator? All of our textbooks say man oozed out of the swamps millions of years ago. And he’s been oozing ever since! Everyone that grew from a clump of worthless cells in his mama’s belly like a parasite on its host knows that. Especially if he attended public schools.
12) And for crying out loud quit talking about Ronald Reagan!! Reagan was nothing but a "B" grade movie actor. He's the most hated Republican since Dick Nixon! We'll never win over the (left leaning) moderates and centrists by bragging about Reagan's conservatism (spit!). His trickle down supply side Reganomics was a failure anyway. Here we are only two decades after his departure and the economy he left is already failing. Especially in the last year or so. And the USSR was bound to fail eventually. His speech regarding tearing down the Berlin Wall was a waste of time.
You forgot religion in there.....
How about this, from an email I received...
(A law student purportedly wrote this).
DIVORCE AGREEMENT
Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists and Obama supporters, et al:
We have stuck together since the late 1950’s, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has run its course. Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right so let’s just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way.
Here is a model separation agreement:
Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a portion. That will be the difficult part, bu t I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes.
We don’t like redistributive taxes so you can keep them. You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU. Since you hate guns and war, we’ll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military. You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore and Rosie O’Donnell (You are, however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three of them).
We’ll keep the capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart and Wall Street. You can have your beloved homeless, homeboys, hippies and illegal aliens. We’ll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO’s and rednecks.. We’ll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood.
You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we’ll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us. You can have the peaceniks and war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we’ll help provide them security.
We’ll keep our Judeo-Christian values. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism and Shirley McClain. You can also have the U.N… but we will no longer be paying the bill.
We’ll keep the SUVs, pickup trucks and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Subaru station wagon you can find.
You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing doctors. We’ll continue to believe healthcare is a luxury and not a right. We’ll keep The Battle Hymn of the Republic and the National Anthem. I’m sure you’ll be happy to substitute Imagine, I’d Like to Teach the World to Sing, Kum Ba Ya or We Are the World.
We’ll practice trickledown economics and you can give trickle up poverty your best shot. Since it often so offends you, we’ll keep our history, our name and our flag.
Would you agree to this? If so, please pass it along to other like minded liberal and conservative patriots and if you do not agree, just hit delete. In the spirit of friendly parting, I’ll bet you ANWAR which one of us will need whose help in 15 years.
P.S. Also, please take Barbara Streisand & Jane Fonda with you.
Now you’re getting with the program Jim! Principles, integrity, truth, and justice are SO 20th century America! It’s a new day! Only winning counts!...........(do I really need /s?)
Arise ye workers from your slumbers
Arise ye prisoners of want
For reason in revolt now thunders
And at last ends the age of cant.
Away with all your superstitions
Servile masses arise, arise
We’ll change henceforth the old tradition
And spurn the dust to win the prize.
Refrain:
So comrades, come rally
And the last fight let us face
The Internationale unites the human race.
No more deluded by reaction
On tyrants only we’ll make war
The soldiers too will take strike action
They’ll break ranks and fight no more
And if those cannibals keep trying
To sacrifice us to their pride
They soon shall hear the bullets flying
We’ll shoot the generals on our own side.
No saviour from on high delivers
No faith have we in prince or peer
Our own right hand the chains must shiver
Chains of hatred, greed and fear
E’er the thieves will out with their booty
And give to all a happier lot.
Each at the forge must do their duty
And we’ll strike while the iron is hot.
A great list of ten “non-negotiables”. The RINO’s want us to just give up, go along and “re-brand” [ignore that it was tried and didn’t work with McQueeg ‘08]. Remember the Alamo. You have been on a quite the roll Davey Crockett!
Well to be fair, that was the fiscal 2006 budget which brought the budget deficit down by $200 billion that year.
They must be with us 100%... Third Party symbolism and wasting votes in some Protest like support of a third party will not gain the House and Exuctive branch back.
But Taking the GOP BACK and placing real conservitive leadership that will rally the troops once again..
Conservatives can and must stand on principle to be successful.
After all, everyone knows about the Reagan Democrats. Are there any Bush Democrats?, McCain Democrats? Nixon or Ford Democrats? Reagan was able to attract Democrats and moderates because of his ideas and RESULTS.
For the conservative, the Republican party is only a means to an end: the promotion of consevative principles. For Democrats, the Party is an end in itself:unfettered power.
These next two election cycles will be the fight for the soul of the Republican party. I don’t think we can win against the insiders.
What will it take to shock the insiders into realizing they can’t win without the conservative base? An election where the entire base sits on its hands and the Republican only get 25% of the vote? Hey, the Dems already have complete control of everything. It’s not like we would be giving them any more power they don’t already have.
We are seeing the disintegration of the Whig party all over again. The question is what (and how) the replacement will be formed (and who will form it.)
This comes from someone that has been opposed to 3rd partys for a long time, but the time has come.
11) Stop talking about religion and God and Jesus and the Creator and all that superstition stuff. Just makes us look foolish. Sheesh, talk about ancient. Jesus walked 2000 years ago. And God is older than dirt! And our dirt is old, man. Not 6,000 years—billions of years. Creator? All of our textbooks say man oozed out of the swamps millions of years ago. And he’s been oozing ever since! Everyone that grew from a clump of worthless cells in his mama’s belly like a parasite on its host knows that. Especially if he attended public schools.
Sure looks like you just inverted the Dem Party Planks. /s
Thanks Jim
Great pair!! I would like to see Flake get a lot more attention as well.
In other words:
Romney/Giuliani 2012! :)
You can have all the religion you want. (as long as it is directed at the *ONE*)
The Black Messiah has come to take us to paradise. (a Socialist paradise but a paradise none the less)
Flake is an amnesty supporting RINO
He is? I had no idea, thanks!
AMNESTY BILL (Flake-Gutierrez) WILL HURT AMERICA
http://www.flashreport.org/featured-columns-library0b.php?faID=2007050800372119
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