Top 10 Things Leftists Like (aka Stuff Leftist People Like #1-10)

Two years ago, the satirical site Stuff White People Like (SWPL) debuted with the self-description:

Though Lander’s write-ups are insightful and entertaining, there’s one problem: too many of the items in his list constitute stuff leftist white people like. For example, Lander offers the entries: Being Offended, Bumper Stickers, Non-Profit Organizations, Picking Their Own Fruit, Political Prisoners, Public Radio, Taking a Year Off, The Sunday New York Times, The World Cup, Threatening to Move to Canada, and Unpaid Internships. This is to say nothing of more obvious entries such as: Barack Obama, Diversity, Free Healthcare, Hating Corporations, Recycling, The Daily Show/Colbert Report, Toyota Prius, Vegan/Vegetarianism, and Whole Foods and Grocery Co-ops.

In the spirit of SWPL, and to extend the tradition for the amusement of those on the Right, I hereby inaugurate “Stuff Leftist People Like”:

Leftists love keeping their political platforms intangible, “big-picture,” “forward-looking,” and “high-minded.” Conservatives keep things concrete, detailed, present-looking, and practical.

THINGS YOU MUST BELIEVE TO BE A MODERN-DAY DEMOCRAT

• That a religious fanatic who screams that his god is greater than yours and proceeds to shoot 40 unarmed soldiers is not a terrorist, but that your granny, who went to a town hall meeting to protest Medicare cuts, is.

• That it is OK to force taxpayers to pay for your teenage daughter’s abortion, but it’s not OK to pay people to teach her that she shouldn’t have sex in the first place.

• That a God who taught His followers to tell everyone about Him but to walk away from those who will not listen is hateful and bigoted, but a god who teaches his followers to convert by force and to kill everyone who doesn’t believe in him is peaceful.

• That we will all die soon from global warming if we don’t stop carbon dioxide emissions, even though there is no scientific evidence that carbon dioxide hurts anything (and, in fact, the earth is cooling rather than warming).

• That it is somehow noble to trash the economy of the United States in the name of stopping a climate change that is not happening, but it would be wrong to ask China and India to do the same.

• That the freely available scientific evidence that shows that the earth warms and cools in cycles according to the energy output of the sun (and that the same phenomenon is observed on the other planets in our solar system) must be ignored – instead we must ruin the economy of the most prosperous nation on earth to reduce carbon dioxide emissions.

• That it’s OK to pay Middle Eastern and South American countries that hate us for their oil, but it’s not OK to drill for our own oil (of which we have the biggest reserves in the world).

• That any word spoken against a black president or his supporters is racist and evil, but the many hateful things spoken against the previous white president were only “speaking truth to power”.

• That a Republican governor who cheated on his wife is unfit for office, but a Democrat president that cheated on his wife could not be removed from office and is now considered a hero.

• That any white person who is not a Democrat and who says anything that can be construed as racially or culturally insensitive must be removed from any public position (or even fired from a non-public position) as a result, but any white Democrat that does the same must be given a pass.

• That any white, Christian and/or heterosexual person who is not a Democrat and who says anything that can be construed as racially or culturally insensitive must be removed from any public position (or even fired from a non-public position) as a result, but that any racial, sexual or religious minority can say anything about anyone in the majority and not be punished.

• That “Hispanic” is a race.

• That to present both sides of an issue for discussion is somehow “not journalism”, while only allowing the Democrat point of view to be presented is fair and balanced.

• That it is evil for insurance companies to make a profit from our health care, but any organization that interferes with the profits of the company that kills all the babies must be sued.

• That insurance companies must be forced to pay for your boob job or sex change operation, but they better not raise your rates as a result.

• That insurance companies are somehow responsible for health care costs being so high, and that substituting the government for the insurance companies will fix it.

• That forcing banks to loan money to people who cannot or will not repay it is somehow good for the economy, and that the banks that made the loans are wholly responsible for the predictable result.

• That a tax cheat is the perfect guy to be in charge of the Senate committee that writes tax law.

• That Muslims must be allowed to follow the tenets of their religion, including the right to kill people as their law allows, but that Christians who follow their religion are hateful and bigoted.

• That a black person who does not support affirmative action is not really black, despite the existence of Clarence Thomas.

• That a woman who does not support abortion is not really female, despite the existence of Sarah Palin.

• That a homosexual who escapes the homosexual lifestyle was never really homosexual in the first place, even though it’s supposedly a genetic thing.

• It’s a terrible evil that Dick Cheney got rich by running a corporation. Al Gore, however, is a saint.

• Public schools are terrible because we don’t pay teachers enough money, even though the places with the best paid teachers have the worst schools.

• That Hurricane Katrina destroyed New Orleans, even though the flooding happened well after the storm had passed.

• That the Republican president at the time was totally responsible for the damage to New Orleans from Katrina, even though the damage occurred because the Democrat controlled state and local governments did not repair and properly maintain the levee that failed, then failed to plan and prepare for the storm while refusing federal help, then curled into the fetal position and refused to take any action during and after the storm, which hindered federal efforts to send help.

• That an organization that is willing and happy to help a pimp set up a whorehouse using underage illegal alien whores is worthy of funding by the federal government, but an organization that tries to talk pregnant girls out of abortions should be cut off from all federal funding.

• That non-citizens who are in this country illegally should be given free health care, paid for by the folks whose jobs they are taking.

• That killing a puppy or a kitten is a crime worthy of jail, but killing a baby is to be celebrated.

• That sworn enemies of this nation must not be killed or even made uncomfortable, but our elderly citizens and those that are in comas must be killed so that the rest of us are not made uncomfortable.

• It is wrong to wiretap a terrorist’s phone, but it’s OK to publish information that allows the terrorists to avoid capture.

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