Posted on 10/29/2010 1:12:34 PM PDT by Vigilanteman
OLD DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. Barbara Streisand sings for you.
OLD REPUBLICAN: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So?
NEW DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. But you don’t want him in your gated community disturbing your pastoral environment. You convince him to elect you so that a third neighbor, who has one cow, will be forced to provide him with free milk.
NEW REPUBLICAN: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You convince him to milk both cows to earn a share of your milk. He brings his whole family in because the milk is so good. The New Democrat persuades the whole family to elect him. He declares amnesty, confiscates your cows and makes you do all the milking to earn enough for you to live on.
TEA PARTY: You confront the New Democrat, declare the cows are yours again and deport the neighbor and his family. Further, you declare, you will milk your own damn cows from now on. However, if the former neighbor wants to buy one of the calves and start his own herd, you will sell him one at a fair price.
SOCIALIST You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor. You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.
COMMUNIST You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk. You wait in line for hours to get it. It is expensive and sour.
CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.
AMERICAN NEW DEAL BUREAUCRACY You have two cows. Under the new farm program the government pays you to shoot one, milk the other, and then pours the milk down the drain.
AMERICAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one. You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses. Your stock goes up.
FRENCH CORPORATION You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.
JAPANESE CORPORATION You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains. Most are at the top of their class.
GERMAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour. Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.
ITALIAN CORPORATION You have two cows but you don't know where they are. While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman. You break for lunch.
RUSSIAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You have some vodka. You count them and learn you have five cows. You have some more vodka. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.
TALIBAN CORPORATION You have all the cows in Afghanistan , which are two. You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature' s private parts. You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find alternatives to milk production but use the money to buy weapons.
POLISH CORPORATION You have two bulls. Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.
BELGIAN CORPORATION You have one cow. The cow is schizophrenic. Sometimes the cow thinks he's French, other times he's Flemish. The Flemish cow won't share with the French cow. The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow's milk. The cow asks permission to be cut in half. The cow dies happy.
CALIFORNIA CORPORATION You have millions of cows. They make real California cheese. Only five speak English. Most are illegals. Arnold likes the ones with the big udders.
I am Polish, I am offended because I resemble that remark! :)
MUSLIM: You have two cows. You trade them to a sheepherder for a new wife.
OBAMA ISLAMOFASCIST: You have two cows, your neighbor has none. Obama increases taxes on you to pay for services for your neighbor, claiming ‘spreading the wealth around is a good thing.’ Raises national debt 4 trillion in 18 months to put your grnadchildren into slavery paying it off, then his EPA shoots your cows because of methane emissions. Sends you a bill for the bullets and time EPA there watching you properly dispose of your biohazard messes.
Or maybe:
MUSLIM: You have no cows. You trade one of your wives to get some.
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