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8 Things You Should Never Say to Your Husband.
Shine via Yahoo ^ | Aug 1, 2011 | by Woman's Day

Posted on 08/03/2011 10:32:23 AM PDT by US Navy Vet

One of the best parts about marriage is being so comfortable with your hubby that you can say just about anything to him. But if you don’t watch your mouth, sometimes the ugly truth comes out in hurtful—not helpful––ways. Though you may have legitimate concerns to express or issues to bring up, doing so in a harsh manner can be damaging in the long term, to both your husband’s feelings and your relationship. According to Judy Ford, psychotherapist and author of Every Day Love, “Speaking kindly is a skill that couples have to learn. Everyone feels battered by life and the outside world. You shouldn’t feel that way at home.” Here, nine statements that you should never utter to your significant other––and the words that you should try instead.

(Excerpt) Read more at shine.yahoo.com ...


TOPICS: Culture/Society
KEYWORDS: marriage
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Marriage food for thought.
1 posted on 08/03/2011 10:32:25 AM PDT by US Navy Vet
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To: US Navy Vet

“Is it supposed to be that small?”


2 posted on 08/03/2011 10:35:02 AM PDT by Slings and Arrows (Would you like Satan fries with that?)
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To: US Navy Vet
Are you finished?
3 posted on 08/03/2011 10:37:59 AM PDT by starlifter (Pullum sapit)
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To: US Navy Vet
Sounds like it can be summed up in “be supportive and don't demean him”.
4 posted on 08/03/2011 10:38:16 AM PDT by Harmless Teddy Bear (Can we ask questions which God finds unanswerable? Easily. All nonsense questions are unanswerable.)
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To: US Navy Vet

“I think I’ll vote for Barack Obama in 2012.”


5 posted on 08/03/2011 10:38:16 AM PDT by ClearCase_guy (The USSR spent itself into bankruptcy and collapsed -- and aren't we on the same path now?)
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To: US Navy Vet
I predict this thread will have a very short half life before it gets pulled.
6 posted on 08/03/2011 10:38:48 AM PDT by starlifter (Pullum sapit)
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To: US Navy Vet

Dang firewalls! Bump for later


7 posted on 08/03/2011 10:41:01 AM PDT by Hatteras
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To: US Navy Vet
I read this the other day and there were some thought provoking tips.

But if you don’t watch your mouth, sometimes the ugly truth comes out in hurtful—not helpful––ways. Though you may have legitimate concerns to express or issues to bring up, doing so in a harsh manner can be damaging in the long term, to both your husband’s feelings and your relationship. According to Judy Ford, psychotherapist and author of Every Day Love, “Speaking kindly is a skill that couples have to learn. Everyone feels battered by life and the outside world. You shouldn’t feel that way at home.”

This applies to both partners in a marriage and if exercised more often than not would minimize the great amount of divorces me thinks. Even loving 'correction' can be applied and be an excellent tool for guiding each other in being a 'better' or more effective partner in the relationship and spiritually. To me the last two equal one another.

8 posted on 08/03/2011 10:41:04 AM PDT by GOP Poet (Obama is an OLYMPIC failure.)
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To: US Navy Vet

I think our neighbor could beat you up.


9 posted on 08/03/2011 10:41:12 AM PDT by GreenvillePatriot
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To: Harmless Teddy Bear

Ephesians 5:23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.

Ephesians 5:24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.

Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;

Ephesians 5:26 That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, Defenders Notes >>

Ephesians 5:27 That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. Defenders Notes >>

Ephesians 5:28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.

Ephesians 5:29 For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: Defenders Notes >>

Ephesians 5:30 For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.


10 posted on 08/03/2011 10:41:12 AM PDT by US Navy Vet (Go Packers! Go Rockies! Go Boston Bruins! See, I'm "Diverse"!)
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To: US Navy Vet

You always make me feel safe. You never let me down. Always and never can be good.


11 posted on 08/03/2011 10:42:18 AM PDT by trimom
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To: US Navy Vet
Just leave it––I’ll do it myself!

LOL. My wife can say that to me all day. She knows if she throws that out there, I'll say OK and won't feel an ounce of guilt at letting her do it!

12 posted on 08/03/2011 10:42:56 AM PDT by Opinionated Blowhard ("When the people find they can vote themselves money, that will herald the end of the republic.")
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To: US Navy Vet

“Thats it?”


13 posted on 08/03/2011 10:44:20 AM PDT by Adder (Say NO to the O in 2 oh 12)
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To: US Navy Vet
Posting Woman's Day articles for men on FR? Has the New Castrati or Metrosexuals started to take this site over now? Geez.


14 posted on 08/03/2011 10:44:20 AM PDT by Lazlo in PA (Now living in a newly minted Red State.)
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To: starlifter

“is it in yet?”


15 posted on 08/03/2011 10:47:06 AM PDT by GRRRRR (He'll NEVER be my President, FUBO! Treason is the Reason! Impeach the Kenyan)
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To: US Navy Vet
Or, one of my favorite verses, "Be Ye Kind one to another."

When I was looking for a spouse the first trait on my list was that he had to be kind. You can work out a lot of problems but a lack of kindness will destroy a relationship faster then anything I know.

16 posted on 08/03/2011 10:47:48 AM PDT by Harmless Teddy Bear (Can we ask questions which God finds unanswerable? Easily. All nonsense questions are unanswerable.)
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To: US Navy Vet

“I learned to cook the same way you learned to make love! OUT OF A BOOK!”


17 posted on 08/03/2011 10:49:18 AM PDT by Ruy Dias de Bivar (Click my name. See my home page, if you dare! NEW PHOTOS & PAINTINGS)
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To: US Navy Vet

Buy what you want, I don’t care.


18 posted on 08/03/2011 10:49:41 AM PDT by listenhillary (2007 deficit 160 Billion, 2008 - 458 billion, 2009 -1.4 Trillion, 2010 - 1.6 Trillion)
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To: Lazlo in PA

Would Laz hit it?


19 posted on 08/03/2011 10:49:45 AM PDT by dagogo redux (A whiff of primitive spirits in the air, harbingers of an impending descent into the feral.)
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To: US Navy Vet

“my! isn’t that CUTE!!!”


20 posted on 08/03/2011 10:50:19 AM PDT by camle (keep an open mind and someone will fill it full of something for you)
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To: Slings and Arrows
8 Things You Should Never Say to Your Husband.

Do you think Hillary Clinton is sexy?

21 posted on 08/03/2011 10:50:53 AM PDT by dragonblustar (We will remember the RINOs on election day.)
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To: US Navy Vet

“Aren’t you done scratching yet?”


22 posted on 08/03/2011 10:51:19 AM PDT by rusty millet
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To: US Navy Vet

From an old C&W song

...I thought I was a hero, she rated me a zero and said “Honey child you ain’t through!”


23 posted on 08/03/2011 10:51:43 AM PDT by Ruy Dias de Bivar (Click my name. See my home page, if you dare! NEW PHOTOS & PAINTINGS)
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To: US Navy Vet

“1. “You’re just like your father.”

Personally, I would take that as a compliment of the highest order.


24 posted on 08/03/2011 10:51:48 AM PDT by Hugin ("A man'll usually tell you his bad intentions if you listen and let yourself hear it"--- Open Range)
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To: US Navy Vet

Anything that ends in “you fat cow”.


25 posted on 08/03/2011 10:52:43 AM PDT by DaxtonBrown (HARRY: Money Mob & Influence (See my Expose on Reid on amazon.com written by me!))
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To: US Navy Vet

“No, really, keep him, I like the pool boy, he does a great job.”


26 posted on 08/03/2011 10:52:48 AM PDT by CodeToad (Islam needs to be banned in the US and treated as a criminal enterprise.)
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To: US Navy Vet

Right off I’d have to disagree with #1. I’m quite honored when my wife says I’m like my father. He’s a wonderful man and I can only hope he’s proud of this son.


27 posted on 08/03/2011 10:53:05 AM PDT by the_devils_advocate_666
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To: dagogo redux

Wrong Laz. You are looking for Lazamatus. Judging buy his liberal application of “Hitting” things, he would probably say yes.

Upon reflection, I would probably hit it too. With a 2x4.


28 posted on 08/03/2011 10:53:54 AM PDT by Lazlo in PA (Now living in a newly minted Red State.)
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To: starlifter

As well it should.


29 posted on 08/03/2011 10:53:58 AM PDT by SuzyQue
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To: Hugin

you beat me by a minute


30 posted on 08/03/2011 10:54:06 AM PDT by the_devils_advocate_666
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To: US Navy Vet

Greg, honey, is it supposed to be this soft?


31 posted on 08/03/2011 10:55:59 AM PDT by LRoggy (Peter's Son's Business)
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To: Slings and Arrows

Tbe bedroom ceiling needs painting.


32 posted on 08/03/2011 10:56:26 AM PDT by N. Theknow (Obama and the Dems - The flash mob raiding the Treasury.)
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To: US Navy Vet

“we’re out of beer”


33 posted on 08/03/2011 10:56:59 AM PDT by absolootezer0 (2x divorced tattooed pierced harley hatin meghan mccain luvin' REAL beer drinkin' smoker ..what?)
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34 posted on 08/03/2011 10:58:28 AM PDT by TheOldLady (FReepmail me to get ON or OFF the ZOT LIGHTNING ping list.)
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To: Lazlo in PA

No - I was not referring to you, but to the Laz whom you speak of. LOL!


35 posted on 08/03/2011 10:59:01 AM PDT by dagogo redux (A whiff of primitive spirits in the air, harbingers of an impending descent into the feral.)
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To: US Navy Vet

One of the most important things in marriage or a relationship is to avoid “Why?” questions when your spouse does something that causes you a problem.

The only answer to “Why did you do that?” in that circumstance is: “Because I’m a freakin’ idiot.” At least, that’s what the “Why?” question is supposed to establish.

It’s a very toxic question guaranteed to make your spouse feel defensive, thus making any productive conversation about the problem.


36 posted on 08/03/2011 11:00:44 AM PDT by Maceman (Obama: As American as nasei goreng)
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To: All

8 Things You Should Never Say to Your Husband
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by Woman’s Day, on Mon Aug 1, 2011 7:11am PDT
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by Denise Schipani

One of the best parts about marriage is being so comfortable with your hubby that you can say just about anything to him. But if you don’t watch your mouth, sometimes the ugly truth comes out in hurtful—not helpful––ways. Though you may have legitimate concerns to express or issues to bring up, doing so in a harsh manner can be damaging in the long term, to both your husband’s feelings and your relationship. According to Judy Ford, psychotherapist and author of Every Day Love, “Speaking kindly is a skill that couples have to learn. Everyone feels battered by life and the outside world. You shouldn’t feel that way at home.” Here, nine statements that you should never utter to your significant other––and the words that you should try instead.
1. “You’re just like your father.

“This is just a no-no,” says Julie Orlov, psychotherapist, speaker and author of The Pathway to Love. “It’s nasty and belittling, and it gets at his fear that he may be exhibiting the worst traits of his family.” If you’re about to spout a criticism like this, stop and think about what’s behind it: Maybe your father-in-law is the kind of guy who never cleans up after himself, and your husband’s habit of leaving dirty dishes around the house is getting to you. According to Ford, you should skip the insult and get right to a reasonable request, such as: “Hon, when you’re done with your sandwich, can you bring your dish over to the sink?” That way, you can achieve your goals without hurting him in the process. Photo: Shutterstock

2. “When are you going to find a new job?”

First, figure out why you want him to find a new job so badly. Do you dislike how much time he spends away from home? Do you think he can or should be further ahead career-wise? Is he not bringing home a healthy-enough salary? “Before you say anything that could be hurtful to him, think about what your own issues are,” says Ford. Be particularly careful that you’re not attacking his ability to support you and the kids: “Part of how a man evaluates himself is by how well he can take care of his family,” says Ford, so insulting him in this sensitive area can be a serious blow. To avoid this, have regular talks about both of your jobs, career ambitions and budget concerns. If you have an issue with how much money he’s making, “it’s an opportunity to talk about your lifestyle and how you want to live,” she adds. The aim is to avoid putting him on the defensive, and instead work together to create the life you both want. Photo: Shutterstock

Find out what your boss won’t tell you.

3. “My mother warned me you’d do this!”

Something must have seriously infuriated you, because what you’re doing here is letting him know that there are others in your “camp.” “You are trying to validate your ‘side’ of an argument, as though you’re marshalling an army to your side,” says Orlov. But that’s never a good idea because it’s telling him that you’re not on his side, or on the side of your relationship. Though you should never let the opinions of others’ dictate your relationship, if there is some kernel of truth to a concern that your mother raised, think about how to address that. “Maybe your mother said ‘he’s too cheap,’” says Orlov. “Say to him, ‘why do you sometimes seem reluctant to spend money on things we need?’” Without ganging up on him, that could open up a discussion about money worries that stem from his childhood, for example. “Room is now cleared for creative problem-solving,” says Orlov. And if you’re just lashing out? Hold your tongue and focus on the root of what’s making you mad. In the end, coming to a solution together will make you feel better than unleashing hurtful words. Photo: Shutterstock

4. “Just leave it––I’ll do it myself!

This is hurtful in two ways. First, it gets at your husband’s elemental need to be a provider, supporter and capable person in the house. Second, it’s just plain demeaning for any adult to hear that his efforts are sub-par. Do this too often and your husband might think, “I can never do anything right or anything that’ll please her,” says Ford. A better choice is to pick your battles. If he’s in the middle of a task and you think that he’s doing it wrong, evaluate whether it really matters, keeping in mind that, just because he’s doing something differently than you would doesn’t mean that he’s doing it wrong—he is, after all, an adult too. Sure, if he’s about to hurt himself or someone else or break something, kindly step in. But if he’s just loading the dishwasher in a way that drives you nuts? Let it be. Photo: Thinkstock

Save time by cleaning these household items in the dishwasher.

5. “You always... [fill in the blank]” or “You never... [fill in the blank]”

“These are two phrases I advise couples never to use,” says Ford, “because they set up an instant, negative tone; they halt communication and they put the other person on the defensive.” These blanket statements can make your husband feel unfairly attacked, and chances are he’ll just fire back with all the times he did help. If there are legitimate problems you’d like to address (he really does tend to leave his tools all over the garage floor or often forgets to put gas in the car after driving it), avoid generalizing and try to focus on the issue at hand while also communicating how his actions make you feel: “When you come home with an empty tank of gas, I feel like you don’t care about the next person who has to drive the car—which is usually me.” Then add the phrase “would you be willing...,” suggests Ford. Try: “Would you be willing to fill up the car when it gets below a quarter tank?” Most men are willing to do most anything that’ll make you happy––it’s all in how you ask. Photo: Shutterstock

6. “Do you really think those pants are flattering?”

Are you trying to hint that he’s putting on weight? Because saying the above, says Ford, is not getting anything concrete across. You may think that you’re subtly conveying the message, but instead you’re insulting his looks without showing any genuine concern for his health. Instead, start with something you like about how he looks: “When you wear that blue shirt, it really makes me appreciate your gorgeous blue eyes.” Then broach the topic of his weight gain by framing the comment so it’s about his health, not looks: “Honey, what do you think about us both starting after-dinner walks?” When you’ve softened up your approach, you have more room to make other, helpful suggestions. Photo: Thinkstock

Ensure all your clothes fit perfectly by following this expert advice.

7. “Ugh, we’re hanging out with him again?

There’s nothing wrong with your guy having a friend whose company you don’t love—no one says spouses are required to adore each other’s friends, especially that one college pal who likes to pretend he and your hubby never left the frat house. What is wrong is insulting your man’s choice of friends. Your disdain may also suggest that you’d prefer to pick his friends for him—and no one wants to be told who they should be pals with. A better choice: “Oh, honey, you know I don’t always enjoy doing the same things as you and George, so why don’t you plan a guys’ night instead?’” suggests Ford. Remember, there’s no marriage rule that says you two have to do everything together; he might actually be relieved to have a little guy time with his pal that doesn’t involve him having to worry if you’re having fun or are offended by his friend’s jokes. (And keep this in mind: If a friend is really awful, your husband is much more likely to see that on his own, over time, whereas if you nag him to drop the dolt it may never happen.) Photo: Paul Bradbury / Getty Images

8. “Please watch the kids. But don’t do this, take them here or forget that...”

This is a classic nervous-new-mom move: When you’re in anxiety mode, it can be hard to let go of childcare tasks (even though you would love to have more help). It’s also an attitude that can become a habit no matter how long you’ve been a mom, leading to some very unhealthy feelings: You may become resentful because he doesn’t pitch in, but you don’t always give him room to, either. At the end of the day, no husband is going to be inspired to be a better, more hands-on and involved dad if his every effort is shot down, says Orlov. “If he always feels like he’s wrong, he’ll only start to disconnect emotionally.” So let Dad be Dad. Trust that he knows as well as you do how to keep a child clean, safe and fed—even if his definitions of those tasks are slightly different than your own. That said, if there are things he needs to know, like how to use the stroller or what the pediatrician’s phone number is, definitely give him the rundown.


37 posted on 08/03/2011 11:00:44 AM PDT by longtermmemmory (VOTE! http://www.senate.gov and http://www.house.gov)
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To: US Navy Vet
Wives should never say to husbands....?? Hmmmmmm

"The test strip is blue...it's BLUE!!!"

"Flip-flops to a funeral?? Sure! Why not?"

"My mom's gonna be here a whole month!"

"Trust me...you'll love how I make brussel sprouts!"

"It's the first time I've every made kidney pie! Have some!

"But I sleep better in flannel!"

"I need to borrow the keys to your car! I'm already late!

"I only wore that on our honeymoon; I never actually liked it!"

"I just saved us $150 because I bought all this on sale!!!"

"Work?? But I did work! Remember 20 years ago when I raised the two kids?? Just cause they've been out of the house for the last 10 years doesn't mean I should have to go to work!"

and the best...."I'm voting for that hunk...obama...who you gonna vote for??

38 posted on 08/03/2011 11:02:12 AM PDT by Logic n' Reason (The stain must be REMOVED (ERADICATED)....NOW!!)
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To: Lazlo in PA

woman’s day article “how to abuse and hurt your man LEGALLY”


39 posted on 08/03/2011 11:02:46 AM PDT by longtermmemmory (VOTE! http://www.senate.gov and http://www.house.gov)
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To: US Navy Vet

“I forgot your beer, but there was a great sale on tampons.”


40 posted on 08/03/2011 11:03:48 AM PDT by mirkwood (A conservative racist extremist hostage-taking terrorist hobbit)
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To: Opinionated Blowhard
Just leave it––I’ll do it myself! LOL. My wife can say that to me all day. She knows if she throws that out there, I'll say OK and won't feel an ounce of guilt at letting her do it!

Doing things badly on purpose is called "creative incompetence" - designed to ensure that you never are asked to do a thing again.

Laurence J. Peter cited it in "The Peter Principle" as a strategy to avoid being promoted to your level of incompetence.

41 posted on 08/03/2011 11:04:11 AM PDT by Maceman (Obama: As American as nasei goreng)
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To: US Navy Vet

Just as the 10 Commandments can really be boiled down into two (Love God, Love people) any list of wifely dos and don’ts can be boiled down to respecting that a man needs just three things in life:

Food, sex, and approval.


42 posted on 08/03/2011 11:04:11 AM PDT by Atlas Sneezed (Government borrowing is Taxation without Representation)
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To: US Navy Vet

You break everything you touch.


43 posted on 08/03/2011 11:04:16 AM PDT by bondserv (God governs our universe and has seen fit to offer us a pardon. †)
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To: Lazlo in PA
I believe you are referring to Lazamataz
44 posted on 08/03/2011 11:06:54 AM PDT by FreedomOfExpression
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To: dragonblustar; N. Theknow
"Whaddaya mean, your kid?
45 posted on 08/03/2011 11:10:04 AM PDT by Slings and Arrows (Would you like Satan fries with that?)
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To: Logic n' Reason

the last one is “divorcin’ words”


46 posted on 08/03/2011 11:12:57 AM PDT by longtermmemmory (VOTE! http://www.senate.gov and http://www.house.gov)
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To: Slings and Arrows

Honey, do this pants make my butt look fat?


47 posted on 08/03/2011 11:15:05 AM PDT by BenKenobi (Honkeys for Herman!)
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To: Ruy Dias de Bivar
“I learned to cook the same way you learned to make love! OUT OF A BOOK!”

My wife learned about sex from a manual. He was the gardener.

48 posted on 08/03/2011 11:20:58 AM PDT by Mr Ramsbotham (Laws against sodomy are honored in the breech.)
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To: longtermmemmory

“Mohammed, your daughter is living in sin with a Jew and I support her”.


49 posted on 08/03/2011 11:24:38 AM PDT by AppyPappy (If you aren't part of the solution, there is good money to be made prolonging the problem.)
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To: BenKenobi

for “i will do it myself” the correct answer is go ahead.

guilt blackmail must be fought on all fronts as an evil to marriage.

“do these pants make my butt look fat”. Answer the truth. Pants are either flattering or not flattering. Just say they are not flattering and that puts the blame on the pants.


50 posted on 08/03/2011 11:25:48 AM PDT by longtermmemmory (VOTE! http://www.senate.gov and http://www.house.gov)
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