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Slapping That Booty
Townhall.com ^ | February 13, 2012 | Mike Adams

Posted on 02/12/2012 8:57:57 PM PST by Kaslin

Dear (Name Deleted): I want to take the time to thank you for turning in your paper assignment on time and for conforming to the minimum word requirement. Unfortunately, I have some bad news: You turned in the paper assignment for your political science class. I am not your political science professor and my name is not Dr. Johnson. The mistake was understandable as you are only a senior. I am certain that such errors will be less commonplace by the time you get your doctorate. In the meantime, the good news is that I went ahead and graded your paper. The bad news is that you got a zero. It really had nothing to do with the requirements of the class you are taking under me. I hope you understand.

Please note that I am aware that you suffer from Attention Deficit Disorder. I know this because you have told me in writing, over the phone, and in person. There is no need for you to repeat yourself. I generally pay attention when people speak to me. But I am giving you the zero - not in spite of your ADD, but because of your ADD. I really think that attaching a consequence to your conduct will help you grow out of it.

Dear (Name Deleted): Thank you for your concerns over the content of our last murder lecture. These lectures can be tough and sometimes offensive – although I am rarely able to predict just what will offend students these days. In your case, you have been very specific with the basis of your personal offense. Regrettably, however, I will be unable to act upon your request. Let me explain.

When you asked me to refrain from using the term “pit bull” (when I discuss the People v. Berry dog mauling case) you were simply asking too much. I understand your concerns that “pit bulls will be unfairly stereotyped as dangerous” if (after they kill someone) we refer to their specific breed. But what you fail to understand is that the dog’s breed was a relevant fact in the murder trial. Berry chose the dog on the basis of its reputation in the hopes that it would keep people away from the illicit drug business he was operating out of his back yard. He had a pit bull but no fence. That is how the little child ended up being mauled to death.

Generally speaking, I have more concern for the lives of small children than for the reputations of dogs who cannot ever know the status of their reputations. I think if you reflect upon this you will understand that people may speak badly of pit bulls without them actually knowing it.

On a positive note, I have taken your concerns to heart. The next time a Yorkie or a Poodle mauls a small child to death I will make sure to emphasize their specific breed. That way, people will understand that pit bulls are really deeply misunderstood creatures.

Dear (Name deleted): I hope you don’t mind this unsolicited email concerning your status in my criminology class. As you know, I have a policy against coming into class late. You are always in your seat before class begins. But, recently, you have been getting up and walking out during the middle of my lectures. In fact, you do it every class period at about the same time. As you walk out of class, you generally reach into your right hand pocket. I suspect that is because you’re reaching for your cell phone in order to call your girlfriend.

Ever since I banned cell phones, guys have been getting up and leaving class to “go potty” with some regularity (no pun intended). But we all know that my cell phone policy did not really cause grown men to go potty more often. Instead, it began to interfere with their girlfriends’ rule that they must either call or text them at least once every half-hour. Since I am aware of what’s going on, I am going to implement a rule you will not like: I am hereby declaring that upon re-entry into my class, you are officially considered late. This means you will lose a point from your final average every time you step out and then step back in during my lecture.

This may seem harsh, but it will be of tremendous benefit to you. It means you will now be forced to act like a man, take charge of your relationship, and stop letting your girlfriend monitor you like a suspected terrorist. Furthermore, it may actually save your relationship. When a woman monitors you she is most likely cheating on you. She is making sure you are not nearby so she will not get caught in the process. If she isn’t cheating on you, she is very close to dumping you for someone she cannot control. Women love a challenge more than having a lapdog. Please think about what I have told you.

Dear (Name deleted): This is just a quick note to remind you of my policy concerning cell phones in the classroom. At no time am I to see or hear one of these annoying devices during one of my lectures.

I know that when your cell phone went off during our last class that it was a complete accident. I appreciate how quickly you reached into your pocket to turn it off as I was answering a student question on the topic of aggravated rape. This brings us to another issue. Please hear me out.

I know that I have not established any rules concerning the content of cell phone interruptions in my class. But I am considering a new policy in light of the nature of the incident with your cell phone.

Please, don’t get me wrong. I certainly support your right to listen to rap music celebrating the joys slapping a “booty.” I mean, DAT is your right if you’re really into booty slapping. However, (especially given that we sometimes forget to turn off our cell phones) it is perhaps unwise to program the ringer in such a way as to celebrate booty slapping every time someone calls. Know what I’m saying?

Anyway, I just thought I would share my insights with you. I wasn’t really offended. But the sensitive topic of rape should be discussed free from unanticipated celebrations of booty slapping. After all, the women might not share your love of booty slapping. And they might turn on you faster than a Yorkshire terrier.


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To: Smokin' Joe

Brilliant advice. Sometimes good people are blind to their minor faults which may not be considered minor to employers / supervisors.


61 posted on 02/13/2012 10:05:39 AM PST by nascarnation (DEFEAT BARAQ 2012 DEPORT BARAQ 2013)
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To: NakedRampage
Dear Naked,

(1) Why don't you write a research paper on ADD. It has been around for millenia, and was commonly and successfully cured by assiduous adherence to study habits engrained in young (mostly male) students by strict teachers of those academic disciplines that had actual, factual content. To those few in whom ADD is not curable, another interesting world of non-academic pursuits was and still can be made available.

(2)Cell phones, iPods, continuous "music" are all pernicious distractions. You are a student; not a "consumer" of academics.

(3) Academics require effort from the student and the teacher. Study is not like animal nutrition, e.g, the instructor is a farmer filling the trough with feed requiring mere ingestion.

You are correct in that College today is not like high school. Many of your fellow students would not have made it through high school 50 years ago. Frankly NR, that is more a condemnation of my generation, than of yours. But our failure is something you might consider. In fact, it is my personal observation (quite possibly jaundiced) that today's "College" student can have less factual or even practical knowledge under control than a 7th grader of the 1950's.

The fact that some 80+% of under-30 voters went for Obama's line of Marxist twaddle may possibly bear witness to my views. BTW, I really enjoy that part of my life in which I serve as an adjunct instructor in Mathematics at my local community college... and since my hard-working students (whom I deeply respect) are at least willing to try a course with actual, real, non-political content, which could mean they are intending to major in real disciplines at reputable institutions... they are head and shoulders above the rest of the slovenly, cell-phone, earphone, tattooed jackass mob of academic "consumers" who need "call of nature" breaks every 15 minutes and who are passed through the institution with meaningless "qualifications," indeed without ever learning how to read and write!

Why not post one of your papers outlining your views on a serious subject as a vanity here on FR? The feedback could prove valuable.

62 posted on 02/13/2012 12:19:46 PM PST by Kenny Bunk ((So, you're telling me Scalia, Alito, Thomas, and Roberts can't figure out this eligibility stuff?))
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To: 1_Rain_Drop
I wish cell phones were never invented. They are the rudest contraptions ever created.

LOL! I wish guns were outlawed--they're SO dangerous!

63 posted on 02/13/2012 12:30:30 PM PST by Future Snake Eater (Don't stop. Keep moving!)
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To: NakedRampage

>>>As a college student myself, I have to say that this guy sounds like a professor that I would avoid taking classes under if at all possible.
The first letter, regarding a person handing in a paper to the wrong professor; not something I’ve done, but it could happen to anyone, especially someone with ADD. It has nothing to do with being a senior. Anybody, student or otherwise, might accidently switch-up some papers. For him to make such a big deal out of it is just him being a grade A a**hole.

Second, the thing about ‘bathroom breaks.’ I agree, people shouldn’t take calls in class, but if somebody wants to leave the room to take a call, go to the bathroom, or whatever, thats not his friggin business. College is not highschool, I pay a sh!tload of money for a service that I will use as I see fit, and no academic windbag is going to tell me I can’t get up. If I want to take a piss I’ll take a damn piss — If I miss something, thats MY responsibilty and problem, not his.<<<<

Says here you signed up at Free Republic about five months ago. And you claim to be a college student. My guess is that you’re in your 20s, maybe early 30s. Of course, you’d avoid a professor like this. He wants to act in a mature manner. If your writing is any indication, you’re not up to the challenge.

No, you don’t have a right to disrupt any group of people anywhere getting up and down because you want to do something. Apparently no one taught you that other people are more important than yourself. That includes bothering a roomful of people to talk on the phone, getting up to pee, stretching your legs, or anything else you want to do that isn’t an absolute emergency. You may not know this, but the simple act of getting up in the middle of a classroom, or a church, or a movie theater, disrupts everyone else.

You also may not have caught Prof. Adams’ subtle statement about the ADD student complaining endlessly about this condition. The student is pictured as a whining infant who uses ADD as an excuse for misbehavior. Adults are responsible for their behavior. Yes, I’m sure that arrogant jerks would think pointing that out makes the person pointing it out an asshole. They’re incorrect. The whiner is the asshole.

I’m guessing that you were raised in the self-esteem era, in which kids were taught that they could do what they wanted where they wanted when they wanted. I’m guessing that’s what ruined you. The good news is that you have to time to grow up. Good luck.


64 posted on 02/13/2012 1:46:41 PM PST by redpoll
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To: NakedRampage
As a college student myself

Having earned more than one graduate degree, I have to say that undergraduates with the attitude you display need to shut their yaps, remove the chips from their shoulders, develop a bit of honest humility, and learn.

You wanna lecture, son, you gotta earn the right.

65 posted on 02/13/2012 1:57:34 PM PST by ArrogantBustard (Western Civilization is Aborting, Buggering, and Contracepting itself out of existence.)
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To: redpoll
I probably shouldn't even respond to this comment, but I will.

I am in fact a college student, eighteen years of age. You can feel free to doubt that, because I have no way of proving it. I signed up 5 months ago, and I've a lurker since I was about 12 years old (homeschooled of course. My father was in the military, and discipline was enforced.) Again, I have no way of proving these facts, so you'll have to take my word for it. Or not. Your call.

As I said, I don't think people should take calls in class. But getting up and leaving, if I so choose, is nobodies business but my own. Obviously, you have to consider the situation. If you're in a 20 person class in a 40 ft by 40 ft room, getting up and leaving is inappropriate because you can't move without coming in contact with others. On the other hand, if you are in a 300+ person lecture hall (I was last semester and am this semester) getting up is not going to disturb anyone. If an individual in such a scenario feels "disrupted" by seeing people moving about, then that individual needs to get oer himself. Your example of a movie theater or Church is specious; a college lecture hall is neither.

My main gripe with this guy is the superior tone of his letters. I am a responsible adult capable of voting (I do), owning a firearm (I do), and joining the military (I plan on it), and no stuck-up, ivory-tower dwelling, academic windbag is going, for one blessed second, going to think he is a better person than I am.

Many, many college professors are a**holes. If you haven't come in recent contact with one, I suggest you attempt to. Try discussing the military, or Governor Palin's recent speech. Go ahead and see what happens.

66 posted on 02/13/2012 2:10:49 PM PST by NakedRampage (Puttin' the "stud" in Bible study)
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To: Kaslin
girlfriends’ rule that they must either call or text them at least once every half-hour

Run. Run to the hills.

67 posted on 02/13/2012 2:25:24 PM PST by Darren McCarty (Rick Santorum in the primary)
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To: Kaslin

BookMark!


68 posted on 02/13/2012 2:26:43 PM PST by thesearethetimes... ("Courage, is fear that has said its prayers." Dorothy Bernard)
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To: NakedRampage

Actually, I’m smiling. I ripped you a new one and your response was pretty well written.

You made me think of myself your age - gloriously arrogant, brimming with ideals, sure-footed in dangerous terrain, callow beyond my knowing. At that’s normal, really, especially for people blessed with intelligence. That’s different from wisdom. But I liked your answer.

However, I need to point something out that’s hard for a young person to really appreciate. Mike Adams thinks he’s better than you because he has accomplished more, learned more, and experienced more than you. He’s fought his way to the top of that ivory tower. He appears to be looking down on you because that’s his vantage point. And you, God bless you, are expressing the frustration of youth looking up at the old guy standing in your way. It is the way of life. I experienced those feelings, too. We all do.

And since you’re going into the military soon, let me just smile at the notion that a stuck-up windbag is better than you. You’re about to meet that windbag in boot camp, and throughout your career. And you’ll remain where you are until you are dismissed.

Someday you’ll be up there with Mike Adams. Your second post confirms that. And you’ll probably be a hard ass, too. So thanks for softening my heart and changing my mind. Good post.

In any case, be well and have a good life.


69 posted on 02/13/2012 2:27:59 PM PST by redpoll
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To: Smokin' Joe
Be there when you are supposed to be, be ready to do what you are supposed to do, and you'll do better at most anything

IMHO, for most postitions - particularly the entry level ones - if you show up when you're supposed to and keep a positive attitude you'll be OK. The other 10% is aptitude.

The first 90% will keep you employed. The other 10% will get you promoted.

It never ceases to amaze me that people consistently fail as employees. There are a handful who simply are overmatched - someone completely inflexible in a high stress job that requires flexibility, for instance.

But, for the most part, I'd love to smack some people. "Man, just come in on time. Don't look like a homeless bum. Smile occasionally. Work hard, don't make excuses." No matter how much you work with people though, and "coach" or "mentor" them..... They just don't get it.

70 posted on 02/13/2012 2:30:45 PM PST by wbill
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To: Night Hides Not
Your professor is your boss, not the other way around.

LOL! If you have tough professors, wait until you have a boss.

71 posted on 02/13/2012 2:31:50 PM PST by wbill
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To: MadMax, the Grinning Reaper

I agree that cell phones have made the teaching profession more challenging but you simply cannot infring upon my rights and tell me I can’t take a phone call.


72 posted on 02/13/2012 2:50:29 PM PST by superfries
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To: VeniVidiVici

Let me be clear...I don’t know Mike Adams....I disagree with what several on this thread have said regarding taking cell phone calls in class. If you have directions to the nearest Occupy camp send them over via Freep mail.


73 posted on 02/13/2012 2:54:18 PM PST by superfries
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To: wbill
LOL! If you have tough professors, wait until you have a boss.

Or tough clients if I'm "my own boss." LOL. Notice the quotes.

74 posted on 02/13/2012 2:55:04 PM PST by Darren McCarty (Rick Santorum in the primary)
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To: JRandomFreeper
Seriously? And guys do that? WTF?

I lost my last main squeeze due to lack of calls on my part..........Oh well

75 posted on 02/13/2012 2:57:26 PM PST by Hot Tabasco (The only solution to this primary is a shoot out! Last person standing picks the candidate)
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To: raybbr

Let me rephrase...teachers who think they can employ a “my class my rules” attitude need to be challenged. I don’t know Mike Adams.


76 posted on 02/13/2012 2:57:26 PM PST by superfries
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To: Night Hides Not

If my prof were my boss he would be paying my tuition...instead I pay his.


77 posted on 02/13/2012 2:59:38 PM PST by superfries
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To: redpoll

I’m sure nakedRampage is smiling at your response as well.......you condecending *&^%


78 posted on 02/13/2012 3:08:32 PM PST by superfries
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To: NakedRampage
College is not highschool, I pay a sh!tload of money for a service

You're absolutely right kid, you've just taken the first step into joining the big leagues and right now you're playing minor league ball. If you haven't learned how to time your "piss" breaks to coincide with before class or after then you still belong at home with your mother until you're properly potty trained.......

You think college is a bitch? Join the army and find out what your DI has to say about your "piss" breaks..He's likely to forcefully remove your helmet from your head and give you a proper recepticle in which to relieve yourself........

I can't believe that you actually had the guts to make the statement you made on THIS website.........

79 posted on 02/13/2012 3:15:05 PM PST by Hot Tabasco (The only solution to this primary is a shoot out! Last person standing picks the candidate)
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To: superfries
So what if I have to get up and take a piss at the movies....do your standards apply there as well?

Of course not, there are no requirements by the theater to insure your attendance once you have purchased your ticket. You don't like the movie, you can leave.....you won't be graded.

80 posted on 02/13/2012 3:20:14 PM PST by Hot Tabasco (The only solution to this primary is a shoot out! Last person standing picks the candidate)
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