Free Republic
Browse · Search
Topics · Post Article

Skip to comments.

“Homer Simpson’s Dumber Brother” Is Back ^ | 27 April, 2012 | Bruce Krafft

Posted on 04/27/2012 6:41:00 AM PDT by marktwain

Former U.S.ambassador Dan Simpson is once again weighing in on the gun issue. Some of you may remember the “modest proposal” he came out with shortly after the VA Tech shootings, and while his new screed does not contain ideas like: The disarmament process would begin after the initial three-month amnesty his proposals are still unacceptable. Perhaps he needs a reminder of just what sort of unintended consequences his anti-gun nuttery might produce . . .

[Foreword by David Codrea: This may make some uncomfortable, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. And after all, it's just a hypothetical "ping," but one I believe should be transmitted far and wide.]

“Kill All They Send…”

The Modest Proposal of “Homer Simpson’s Dumber Brother” for Gun Confiscation & A Modest Counter-Proposal By Mike Vanderboegh Pinson, AL

“Violence, naked force, has settled more issues in history than has any other factor, and the contrary opinion is wishful thinking at its worst. Nations and peoples who forget this basic truth have always paid for it with their lives and freedoms.” — Robert Heinlein

“Hell, let’s just start shooting the bastards. Let’s get this crap over with while I’m still young enough to march in the victory parade down Pennsylvania Avenue.” — An American gun owner, overheard in a Birmingham, Alabama, gun store, 27 April 2007.

Career Foreign Service Officer and former Ambassador Daniel H. Simpson, now slumming in retirement as a member of the Toledo Blade & Pittsburgh Post-Gazette’s editorial board, has a modest proposal entitled “The Disarming of America.” Unlike Jonathan Swift’s ”A Modest Proposal” for the Irish poor to alleviate their hunger by eating their children, I think Ambassador Dan is really serious about his. A snippet:

“The disarmament process would begin after the initial three-month amnesty. Special squads of police would be formed and trained to carry out the work. Then, on a random basis to permit no advance warning, city blocks and stretches of suburban and rural areas would be cordoned off and searches carried out in every business, dwelling, and empty building. All firearms would be seized. The owners of weapons found in the searches would be prosecuted: $1,000 and one year in prison for each firearm.

Clearly, since such sweeps could not take place all across the country at the same time. But fairly quickly there would begin to be gun-swept, gun-free areas where there should be no firearms. If there were, those carrying them would be subject to quick confiscation and prosecution. On the streets it would be a question of stop-and-search of anyone, even grandma with her walker, with the same penalties for ‘carrying.’” – The Toledo Blade, Wednesday, April 25, 2007

“In Timore Veritas”?

Not surprisingly the gun rights community has evinced more than a little anger at this brazen proposal for their disarmament and enslavement. David Codrea, whose War On Guns blogspot I greatly admire, has referred to Ambassador Dan as “Homer Simpson’s Dumber Brother.” Certainly Dan Simpson, if he is serious, has got to be one stupid human being not to anticipate the unintended consequences of his declaration, which plays into the worst fears and direst predictions of American gun rights advocates since the 1968 Gun Control Act. Yet, since the DC gun law was struck down by the Federal Appeals Court, the hoplophobes have become more open in their demands: we hear less about “reasonable restrictions” and much more about repealing the Second Amendment. Heck, even here in Alabama we’ve had a proposal (House Bill 600) to register every semi-automatic rifle, pistol and shotgun in private hands in the state. Of course it doesn’t have a snowball’s chance of being passed, but. . . then why introduce it?

The Romans used to say “In vino veritas”, or, “In wine there is truth.” But these folks are not, as near as we can tell, drunk. Perhaps what we are dealing with is “In timor veritas”– In fear there is truth. Cops have been known to inadvertently scare suspects so much that they blurted out their own unintended confessions and perhaps that is what is going on here. The gun grabbers are nervous. The Virginia Tech massacre was supposed to strengthen their legislative hand, yet it is the gunnies who seem the stronger for it now. We didn’t react the old timorous NRA way as they expected us to. Those of us who share the traditional American values of the Founder’s republic– faith, responsibility, opportunity and armed defense of liberty– have finally been pushed to the point that they’ve made us fighting mad. We’ve been pushed to the point where it isWE who are beginning to push back. And with their calls for the repeal of the 2nd Amendment, the gun control crowd is risking not just a push but a punch in the nose.

They look at the massacre and see the need for more regulation, registration and confiscation. We look at the dead innocents, deliberately disarmed and made easy targets in a carefully crafted, firearm-free environment, and blame their big liberal lies and unintended idiocies for the body count. “Gun Free School Zone” is a lie every bit as much as “Arbeit Macht Frei” and every bit as deadly. We see these bright young kids and talented professors who were killed without a hope of self defense, who were killed, indeed, by liberalism itself, and we blame the butchers with immaculate hands who cleared the way for the killer and made it all possible. Yet it is WE, the law-abiding and self-reliant, who are blamed by THEM, the servile toadies of collectivism. Our rising anger is in fact a measure of how close we are coming to a final break in this country between our two competing visions of America. Indeed, if Homer Simpson’s dumber brother is serious, the opening shots of this impending civil war cannot be that far away.

One Ping Only (Please Deposit 50 Cents)

Captain Ramius: “Re-verify our range to target… one ping only.” Capt. Vasili Borodin: “Captain, I – I – I just…” Captain Ramius: “Give me a ping, Vasili. One ping only, please.” Capt. Vasili Borodin: “Aye, Captain.” “The Hunt for Red October,” 1990

But let us assume that, for the sake of argument and illustration, Ambassador Dan’s proposal is serious. Let us assume that he is presenting us with a fictional fascist future backdrop that we may play like a video game. Let us believe for the moment in the literal word of former Foreign Service Officer Daniel H. Simpson’s proposal yet conjure up our own modest fictional counter-proposal. Like Captain Ramius in “The Hunt for Red October,” Ambassador Dan has given us a ping. Let us then give him one ping back. These pings (his and ours) may be warnings, threats of imminent attack, pleas for understanding, or attempts at communication across the gulf of a vast, dense ocean which prevents any other way of determining real meaning. But in any case let us play a game, starting with the scenario he has given us:

“The disarmament process would begin after the initial three-month amnesty. Special squads of police would be formed and trained to carry out the work. Then, on a random basis to permit no advance warning, city blocks and stretches of suburban and rural areas would be cordoned off and searches carried out in every business, dwelling, and empty building.”

Our modest counter-proposal posits the following:

1. Like the American Revolution, one third of populace will side with the King, one third with the opposition and one third will blow with the wind and take what comes. Of the resistant third, less than a third of those will risk anything to give form to their beliefs, thus only about ten or so percent of the population, roughly 30 million citizens, will actively support the folks who will engage Dan’s “special squads”. (You know the Nazis called their special squads “Einsatzgruppen.”) In the Revolution, the active combatants, Continentals and militia, only amounted to 3% of the population. That would be about 10 million anti-confiscation guerrillas. Alternatively, we could use 10% of American gun owners as a good rule of thumb, and that would be just 8.5 million. But let’s make it even tougher on ourselves. Let us say for the sake of argument that as a result of liberal media propaganda and the cumulative deleterious effect of liberal government schools, just one percent of American gun owners would fall into the “cold dead hands” category: that’s a mere 850 thousand. These would be the hard core– the men and women who know how to kill at range, and who, with their scoped .30-06 deer rifles can out-range and out-shoot the M16 rifles and 9mm submachine guns of Dan’s American Einsatzgruppen.

2. Unlike the American Revolution, the civil war will reflect the coarsening of the rules of war and will look more like Iraq or Bosnia. The war would certainly extend to those whose direct and support it– civilian or not– as they are primary targets, far more so than the foot soldiers of Ambassador Dan’s Einsatzgruppen. Bill Clinton extended our own rules of war in the Kosovo intervention to include the news media and other propagandists as legitimate targets. Under these rules, Ambassador Dan and his anti-gun ilk would all be dead men. But, this is just a hypothetical word representation of a video game of Simpson’s fictional fascist future, so they need not be afraid just yet.

3. The war would not end until one vision of America or the other won. It would be war to the knife and knife to the hilt. The 850,000 traditional Americans would be determined to take as many of the Einsatzgruppen, their commanders and controllers with them as possible. And it would be far greater than a one-to-one ratio. The fanaticism that the liberals have always imputed to us, would in the event, become real and deadly. If Ambassador Dan’s future fascists do win, it will be a Pyrrhic victory that would, for destruction and casualties, dwarf all of America’s wars put together. Which, if you think of it, is a funny way to have a “safe” society.

“Kill all they send…”

Viet Minh Sergeant: “Do we take prisoners?” Lt. Col. Nguyen Huu An: “No. Kill all they send… and they will stop coming.” — The Opening Scene of “We Were Soldiers”

What would be the casualties? God alone knows, but they would be horrific. How would the government prosecute such a policy with their own police and military honeycombed with potential “traitors”? Poorly, I suspect. How many of those soldiers and policemen that Ambassador Dan is counting on to disarm us would, in the event, turn their weapons on the “National Command Authority”? More than enough to make success for his future fascists problematic. And not even during the previous civil war of 1861-1865 did an American army attempt operations with armed opponents astride and within its own logistical tail. And it would be a WAR, make no mistake, not the sanitary “police action” of the scenario of Homer’s dumber brother. And how would the big bad boys of the ATF and FBI fare against committed freedom fighters? Even well-paid federal police bureaucrats just want to live until retirement. How long do you think they would last when team after team of them are shot down like dogs in the street, garroted in their sleep, poisoned in their mess halls, or found with their throats slit in guardposts, restrooms and bordellos? We will kill all you send, Ambassador Dan, until they stop coming.

“Bzzzzt. Boink. Beep. Game over. Please deposit 50 cents.”

So, thus ends the intellectual, hypothetical exercise posed by this mandarin class former Foreign Service professional turned newspaper expositor of tyrannical schemes. Let us disclaim that no treasonous, gun-grabbing editorialists were harmed in the crafting of this fictional counter-proposal. But of course, if he’s SERIOUS. . . . ;-)

Re-printed with permission of the author, Mike Vanderboegh of Sipsey Street Irregulars

TOPICS: Constitution/Conservatism; Government; Philosophy; Politics/Elections
KEYWORDS: banglist; confiscation; constitution; gun
The people on the left have different assumptions about the nature of reality. Those assumptions are wrong.
1 posted on 04/27/2012 6:41:03 AM PDT by marktwain
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | View Replies]

To: marktwain
That might work the first few times, but then the police would be fighting an active insurgency on their home turf.

That doesn't work to well. Further escalation by both sides would lead to the formation of secret police and or special living areas for the gov and their troops.

The problem is that in many areas, all the cops are known to the people in that area. They would some rather unpleasant results in their own homes.

2 posted on 04/27/2012 6:54:52 AM PDT by redgolum ("God is dead" -- Nietzsche. "Nietzsche is dead" -- God.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: marktwain
Oh, and I almost forgot. The US Army has been training to do this for a few years. Had a full scale exercise in Iowa a while back.

It wasn't as successful as they had hoped.

3 posted on 04/27/2012 6:56:16 AM PDT by redgolum ("God is dead" -- Nietzsche. "Nietzsche is dead" -- God.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: redgolum
special living areas for the gov and their troops.

It will certainly create job opportunities. I am, after all, a cook, with experience cooking in federal facilities. ;)


4 posted on 04/27/2012 6:58:04 AM PDT by JRandomFreeper (Gone Galt)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 2 | View Replies]

To: marktwain
The 850,000 traditional Americans would be determined to take as many of the Einsatzgruppen, their commanders and controllers with them as possible.

Probably more like 8,500, and their best bet for fighting the statists would be to "hit them where they aint".

5 posted on 04/27/2012 7:06:08 AM PDT by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: redgolum

It has always been my belief that the government does not have and could not recruit enough people to do anything like. Just imagine, at he beginning of the block ten people go up to the house to confiscate weapons, 7 walk away unhurt. That is just the first house. Say 5 houses per block, 30% casualty rate per house. I don’t think they would make it to the end of the block. Now imagine that this takes place in southern states such as Texas. BATFE, U.S. Marshalls, FBI, every other alphabet soup government agency will run out of people real fast. I don’t think even the military wants to look at the casualties involved in something like this. What do they do, mass artillery fire, mass tank fire, B-52 Arc Light missions over America? Confiscation is a pipe dream of anti-gun people. A mentally ill pipe dream.

6 posted on 04/27/2012 7:19:33 AM PDT by rustyboots
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 2 | View Replies]

To: Travis McGee
Bkmrk for thread development.

I think the 850,000 number is low. I'm going to ballpark it at around 3 - 5 million active, trained and suitably equipped persons. Ranging in age from 10 yrs to 85 yrs. Male and female. All races and ethnicity.
Hell, if you think Mr. Charlie was tricky...that was nothing compared to what could happen in this scenario.
As the commercial said..."We've come a long way Baby!"

But its just a guess...of course. A hypothetical discussion as it were.
7 posted on 04/27/2012 7:27:10 AM PDT by Tainan (Cogito, ergo conservatus sum)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 5 | View Replies]

To: marktwain

Such lunacy reinforces my “liberal toxoplasmosis” theory.

Toxoplasmosis is a parasitic disease caused by the protozoan Toxoplasma gondii. A unique organism, it is a protozoa whose typical life cycle requires both rodents, and cats that eat rodents, but is also believed to infect some 11 million Americans, who got the protozoa either from house pets or undercooked meat. It can also last for a long time in the body of either animal, and be spread congenitally.

It is unique in that some of the protozoa inhabit the pleasure center of the rodent’s brain and secrete an enzyme that changes the production of the powerful neurochemical dopamine. It does this out of self-interest, because in doing so, it systematically trains and *changes* the behavior of the rodent to engage in self-destructive behavior.

In particular, rodents have a natural, instinctual fear of cat urine, and will leave an area when they smell it. But the protozoa changes their brain to make them attracted to it. Thus they enter the territory of a cat and are eaten, which is essential to the protozoa, as it reproduces in the intestines of cats and is spread in their feces, which is again eaten by rodents.

However, this reproductive cycle is corrupted when the protozoa is consumed by humans. Relatively speaking, the human brain is not tremendously different in basic design from that of rodents, yet we are only very rarely eaten by cats.

Speculatively, since humans have a pleasure center in their brain, and some protozoa will migrate there, and once there they will secrete their unique enzyme, what happens?

It is far too much to expect the finesse of the retraining to specifically involve attraction to cats. It just takes the primitive, instinctual fears and changes them to attraction instead of fear.

And this is where modern “irrational liberalism” may come from.

Pick virtually any self-destructive behavior, from embracing those who want to harm you, be they foreign enemies or domestic criminals, to personal behavior that runs a great risk of bodily harm, and there will be intense liberal interest in the subject of how to promote this.

A uniquely human element, however, is that they are not content to just destroy themselves. They seek the destruction of everything and everyone, much like a lemming that wants to force all other lemmings off a cliff before leaping off themselves. Though they imagine that only the other lemmings will be harmed.

Thus their true irrationality is not in wanting to destroy all that is good and wholesome, but in not being able to grasp that they too will be destroyed in the process.

The manifestations of this disease have likely altered the course of our nation, again speculatively, with a very determined craving on the part of liberals to tear down and ruin. Be it liberty and freedom, our economy, our position in the world, policy after policy seems to point to the same self destructive goal.

Why in the world are liberals so adamant against our defending ourselves from enemy nuclear ballistic missiles? Their only official justification being irrational, that defending ourselves is “provocative” and will encourage others to build nuclear ballistic missiles that we would be defended against by our defenses.

Yet their same twisted logic applies to gun control as well. They want honest citizens disarmed, so there will be no opposition to violent and murderous armed criminals.

This is ridiculous. A sane person would not think such thoughts, or even most insane people. Unless their brains had been “retrained.”

8 posted on 04/27/2012 7:31:00 AM PDT by yefragetuwrabrumuy ("It is already like a government job," he said, "but with goats." -- Iranian goat smuggler)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: rustyboots
30% casualty rate per house

Closer to 100% in any dining hall I was running. ;)


9 posted on 04/27/2012 7:36:23 AM PDT by JRandomFreeper (Gone Galt)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 6 | View Replies]

To: Tainan
Link to original April 25, 2007 Op-Ed Column:

The disarming of America
10 posted on 04/27/2012 7:40:20 AM PDT by Tainan (Cogito, ergo conservatus sum)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 7 | View Replies]

To: marktwain

****The owners of weapons found in the searches would be prosecuted: $1,000 and one year in prison for each firearm. ****

Prison time will just flood the prisons. They will have to let out the murderers and robbers and rapists to make room for gun owners, OR they will have to build concentration camps for the violators.

Just shoot the gun hiding sons-of-bitches on the town square. Then when you hit the next town, you will find all the guns piled out for the gov’t to pick up.

Sarc/off, but it’s coming. Hide and watch!

11 posted on 04/27/2012 7:40:36 AM PDT by Ruy Dias de Bivar
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: rustyboots
Most military and cops will just follow orders. At least at first. The command structure and training is set up to make people do things the would never do outside of that structure. It is very effective.

The fault lines will start to happen when troops are used in areas that they have sympathy with. Using troops from Texas in New York or LA will be more effective than using them in say, Iowa or Nebraska. Then you will start seeing some leave.

But make no mistake, they will follow orders. Don't count on the myth of moral superiority of the US military.

12 posted on 04/27/2012 7:44:48 AM PDT by redgolum ("God is dead" -- Nietzsche. "Nietzsche is dead" -- God.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 6 | View Replies]

To: marktwain

So Simpson’s proposal gives gun owners 3 months to prepare. Very good. This might work in urban areas or in states that are already mostly disarmed but most of the southern and western states would not stand for it and fight back.

Every time I read about more power grabs by the Feds, more plans to take this right or that freedom one phrase runs through my head - ONLY IF WE LET THEM.

13 posted on 04/27/2012 8:13:22 AM PDT by stansblugrassgrl (PRAISE THE LORD AND PASS THE AMMUNITION!!! YEEEEEHAW!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: redgolum
But make no mistake, they will follow orders.

They've been being indoctrinated from a young age for several years now going back to Bush. This isn't a R or D program. It's a globalist program and both parties are complicit in making sure it succeeds. Who does the government view as the enemy? Not the Chicoms, not the russians, not the islamofascists, not the rioting black panther wannabees - no, We The People are the enemy. Farmers, Vets, Christians...this is what it has come to.

And if that's not enough, we've been training Russians to go American house to American house and terrorize and kill U.S. Citizens. Shoot the gun owners, and if they surrender, tie their hands, make them kneel and put a bullet into the back of our heads.

Yes, yes, I know...Alex Jones stuff. Still...

14 posted on 04/27/2012 8:14:59 AM PDT by Sirius Lee (Sofa King Mitt Odd Did Obamneycare)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 12 | View Replies]

To: redgolum

Twelve years ago I pointed out to a fellow freeper who felt “you can’t take on a Cobra helicopter”. I merely pointed out that “I don’t have to, all I have to do is know where the pilot’s family lives.” War is Hell.

15 posted on 04/27/2012 8:38:32 AM PDT by wastoute (Government cannot redistribute wealth. Government can only redistribute poverty.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 2 | View Replies]

To: Ruy Dias de Bivar

“There’s no way to rule innocent men. The only power any government has is the power to crack down on criminals. Well, when there aren’t enough criminals, one makes them. One declares so many things to be a crime that it becomes impossible for men to live without breaking laws. Who wants a nation of law-abiding citizens? What’s there in that for anyone? But just pass the kind of laws that can neither be observed nor enforced nor objectively interpreted and you create a nation of law-breakers — and then you cash in on guilt. Now that’s the system.”

Quote by: Ayn Rand
(1905-1982) Author
Source: “Atlas Shrugged”, Part II, Chapter 3

16 posted on 04/27/2012 9:05:38 AM PDT by CSM (Keeper of the Dave Ramsey Ping list. FReepmail me if you want your beeber stuned.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 11 | View Replies]

Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.

Free Republic
Browse · Search
Topics · Post Article

FreeRepublic, LLC, PO BOX 9771, FRESNO, CA 93794 is powered by software copyright 2000-2008 John Robinson