It ate away my Gramp’s wit and amazing sense of humor. It twisted all his beautiful memories into a mess of paranoia and doubt. It erased so much of his loving kindness I couldn't recognize him anymore. My younger sister described him as a monster walking around in our dearly missed Grandfather's skin.
It was a real nightmare and it nearly destroyed my Mother.
Even when we turned to the church for a little extra strength we found people judging everything we did. We asked church members to stop in to visit with us but instead of support, we got reprimanded! According to the preacher and other visitors, removing matches knives and guns, disconnecting the stove, putting locks and motion sensors on the doors, and giving Gramps medication that kept him slightly groggy, was paramount to torture. But they never saw him wake in the middle of the night confused and violent.
By the time he died I hated him. And it took many many months to let all of that anger go. But one night I dreamt that I heard him coming down the hallway to the bedrooms. The hallway light was on but it was still dark and I was scared. But when he got to me and I saw his face in the light I knew it was my old loving super-hero Gramps. There wasn't even a trace of the monster. He hugged me in his strong arms and told me he loved me and sent me to bed. I woke up and cried on the phone with my mom for an hour! I believe God sent me that dream and gave me peace.
Jeeze, sorry this got long and personal! Its just sooo close to home, and my heart goes out to those who are going through it now!
I know what you went through.
That was an excellent post my FRiend.
That was a very moving post. I won’t get into it, but I went through something over the past year along the same lines. At the end, though, God gave my family a gift...one last visit just like you had in your dream about your grandfather. Hold on to that dream, and revisit your earlier, happy memories of your grandfather often. They are more valuable than any treasures this world has to offer.
It is so hard to understand unless you have experienced it. Even my brother would get angry because “She knows better than that.” but she didn’t.
It is hard to understand and even hard to believe unless you’ve been there.
I remember over 30 years ago finding a woman who was lost and wandering on a freezing Christmas day that wasn’t dressed for. She seemed so sweet and we wondered how the family could have let that happen. Many years later I figured it out because my mother would run away too.