Posted on 01/04/2013 10:29:39 AM PST by Red Steel
ASPEN, Colo. — According to Todd Hartley, to enact new gun legislation in the U.S. would be to “shut the barn doors after the horse has already gotten out.”
So in his weekly “I’m With Stupid” column in the Aspen Times on Friday — a column that Hartley claims is meant to encourage aspiring and current gun owners to “seek less violent ways to make up for your shortcomings” — the Basalt resident is attempting another method of gun control.
He’s defaming the genitalia of gun owners.
“If you own multiple guns or feel the need to possess a military-style assault weapon, it’s because you have a small penis,” Hartley writes.
In his column, subtitled “The longer the weapon, the shorter the tool,” Hartley says that with 310 million nonmilitary firearms in a country that has shown such staunch support for the Second Amendment, even the buy back programs that have seen success in countries like Australia will likely prove fruitless in the U.S.
Instead, Hartley writes, “the only feasible option” to reduce the number of firearms in the U.S. is to “change people’s attitudes toward guns.” One way to do that, in Hartley’s mind, is to question the motivation of gun owners.
As a case study, Hartley gives a synopsis of Hummer’s downfall in 2010.
“To me, those Hummer owners were a lot like gun owners,” Hartley writes. “They had an inflated sense of their own self-importance, and they thought owning a massive tank-like vehicle made them somehow more virile and masculine.”
Hartley asserts that consumers did a 180 when “the rest of us pointed out that owning a Hummer was an obvious sign of a person making up for a physical shortcoming.”
At that point, Hartley continues, “Hummer went out of business virtually overnight.”
That doesn’t mean Hartley is prepared to lump all gun owners into the same boat. He gives a pass to those who own a handgun “to protect your home and your family,” and to those who own a rifle or shot gun “for hunting or target shooting.”
It’s only the possession of a “pseudo-machine gun” that proves “you have a tiny wiener and you’re incredibly self-conscious about it,” in Hartley’s estimation.
Hartley did not excuse females who own such weapons from the same criticism.
“Women who own assault weapons have tiny penises, just like their male counterparts,” Hartley writes. “That would explain why they’re angry enough to buy a weapon whose sole purpose is to kill as many people as possible as quickly as possible.”
The column is sophomoric at times. Aside from the aforementioned passages, Hartley, who is also a stand-up comedian, suggests at one point that a “Swedish-made penis-enlargement pump” could be “more effective than arming yourself to the teeth.”
But there are also moments of wit and earnest, featuring Hartley venting about elected officials who “clearly don’t have the guts” to push for stricter gun control in the U.S.
As he wraps up his column, Hartley pens a plea to anyone who has “had enough of all the shooting and killing in this country.”
“I encourage you to spread the rumor that when gun owners talk about their 9 mms, they’re actually referring to their genitalia and not the caliber of their weapons,” Hartley concludes. “With any luck, we can stigmatize gun ownership and encourage people to give up their firearms willingly.”
Click here to read Hartley’s entire column
Click here to read Hartley’s entire column
Why would anyone want to?
He is just upset that gun owners actually have penis’.
The reply should be to ask about his bestiality kiddie porn collection. The guy is a leftist & a journalist/columnist he has a predisposition for being a degenerate & pervert. This is fighting fire with fire not the GOP trying to fight fascist thugs by the Marquis of Queensbury rules
The reply should be to ask about his bestiality kiddie porn collection. The guy is a leftist & a journalist/columnist he has a predisposition for being a degenerate & pervert. This is fighting fire with fire not the GOP trying to fight fascist thugs by the Marquis of Queensbury rules
I smiled right back and said, "Me!"
Eeeeewwwwwww.
You might want to clean that thing.
You don't want to get some sort of unspeakable disease on your face from it ...
Looks like a man that would meet up with Andrew Sullivan for a date in the nearest public toilet.
Pretty silly concept for a column, given that so-called assault weapons have SHORTER barrels than hunting guns. But liberals never let facts get in the way of making what they think are swarmy attacks on conservatives.
I find it easy to believe this clown has done enough personal research on penises to form an opinion, however flawed his conclusion.
Sigmund Freud:”A fear of weapons is a sign of retarded sexual and emotional maturity.” General Introduction to Psychoanalysis. (1920)
No bet!
I bet he wore out 20 sets of knee pads taking that survey. I mean, surely he didn’t make such a statement without gathering empirical data.
I thought it was a documented fact that journalists were shown to have the lowest intelligence and were proven to have limited intelligence. Their inability to argue from reason and name calling seems to prove it. Obsessing with other guys penis size, generally just means you are gay, not that there is anything wrong with that. I just don’t understand why stupid gay journalists are worried about my legal gun ownership.
I’ve never understood the purported connection between small penises and possession of various status symbols or instruments of violence. I’d tend to think small penis preoccupation might be like women’s weight, in that skinny women are just as likely to be obsessed with it as legitimately obese ones. In fact, the very fact that some are fat may be because they don’t pay due attention to it.
We don’t tend to accurately guage our appearance. Men with big packages may tend to worry as much about size as those who are objectively below average. Also, those who know they’re objectively small, have measured themselves and looked up averages, may not care the same way short men couldn’t give a crape how many men are taller than them.
So I submit that if perceived size does indeed prompt “assault” rifle ownership then no doubt many rifle owners have big dongs.
Well, consider the source of ‘wisdom’.
Plus, When the SHTF I really don’t care if the guy next to me is Stubby McSmall or John Holmes. As long as he’s fully armed and competent in pointing the right weapon in the right direction. I think most would agree. Men or women.
Wow, my husband’s favorite saying sure applies here, “people tend to just others with their own yardstick”.
A weapon whose sole purpose is to kill as many people as possible as quickly as possible? Nevermind that this guy obviously doesn’t know what semiautomatic means. What kills the most people quickest is ordnance. It has a kill radius, and is indiscriminate within that area. That’s howcome our military relies on it to kill the most civilians in foreign countries possible.
Wow, my husband’s favorite saying sure applies here, “people tend to judge others with their own yardstick”.
It was Garrison Keillor who observed while ice fishing that, at least in the cold, all men are created equal.
Not that the issue is germane but, there’s only way we can find out the answer to this question: Send the question to Mythbusters to see if men with military-style weapons do indeed have smaller hardware.
I heard George Carlin, once, comparing missiles or something to penises. And it made me think: does he think the military-industrial complex remakes the laws of physics and ballistics to fit their psychosexual hangups, or is he just a lazy comedian?
I’m guessing Todd never found a penis to be too small.
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