Posted on 06/16/2013 5:34:09 AM PDT by NotYourAverageDhimmi
Its easy to be arrogant about parenting before you become a parent. Here are some insane beliefs I had about parenting before I tried it.
1. ILL NEVER WEAR A BABY BACKPACK
I was so sure I would never wear one of those ridiculous baby holders that go on your chest, I bet another dad $100 that those straps would never touch my shoulders. A baby only weighs 15 pounds, Id say to the beta males strapped to the BabyBjorns. You cant carry 15 pounds?
No, you cant. Not when the 15 pounds has a wobbly head with no neck muscles and you need both arms to keep him from flopping over. Not when this 15 pounds wants you to hold him all day. After trying the Bjorn, I felt like a war vet who magically got his arms back, and I happily paid that guy the $100 I owed him.
2. THEYRE TAKING PIANO LESSONS AND IF THEY DONT LIKE IT, TOO BAD
We tried piano lessons. They were really expensive and the kids hated them and sucked at them. The same thing happened with ballet and gymnastics. Trying to force them to do things they dont like is as implausible as that gay Mormon dude who married a woman because he said his sexual preference is like smoking and youre able to quit.
Its easy to be arrogant about parenting before you become a parent.
3. I WILL MAKE THEM FINISH EVERY MEAL
You think you can make a kid eat something he doesnt want to eat? Go feed a cheeseburger to a salamander. He doesnt even want to crawl on it. Its too dry. The first time I forced my kid to eat something, she barfed and I havent done it since. If making your kids throw up is good parenting, Im a bad parent.
4. IM GOING TO BE VERY ATTENTIVE
I was very attentive at first. Time-outs were doled out after every fight and if they didnt say sorry to each other, they went back in the corner. But after 347 fights you start to think, You know what? Youre on your own. Sometimes you might even catch yourself thinking, Go ahead and beat the shit out of each other for all I care. You might learn something.
5. WERE GOING TO HOME-SCHOOL THEM
Kids in public school spend something like 30 minutes a day actually learning. At private school its probably three times that. I have an hour and a half of spare time a day to spend talking about history, so why not pull the kids out of school? Well, for one, theyre already in my house way more often than I can handle. By contrast, sometimes I feel like going to work where I deal with getting sued, licking clients asses, and where firing people is some kind of party. What kind of maniac thinks 100% of their waking moments are about the right amount of time to spend with your kids? When I told a home-schooling parent that my kids go to public school, she said, The only thing theyll learn there is how to fight.
Good.
6. WE WONT LET THEM WATCH TV
Pushing the on button on the TV is like pushing the off button on your kids. They just sit there like zombies. If you worked in a zoo and the howler monkeys had a magic button that shut them off, how could you resist pushing it? You love the monkeys and you think theyre cute, but when theyre really going bananas and you have to make an important phone call, that button becomes as irresistible as the Get me a drink button they have on airplanes.
7. NO LOGOS ON THE TABLE
Eating dinner with the family is a very important ritual that should not be sullied by corny logos on milk cartons and juice containers. So all beverages will be served from jugs and the butter will be unwrapped and placed in a small glass dish. The problem is that getting children to sit at a table and eat anything takes up more than all of your energy, so defining the design aesthetic for whats actually on the table is about as high on your priority list as what underwear youre going to wear.
8. IM STILL GOING TO PARTY
After my first child was born, I continued to have parties at the house. My wife and I would wake up at 6AM the next day wondering what the hell we were thinking and then forget about it six months later and throw another party. One night during a break-dancing competition, a beer smashed on the kitchen floor. I thought I cleaned up all the shards, but my crawling infant daughter found one with her hand the next day. Since then, the only parties we have here involve piñatas and cake and Happy Birthday sung by very short people who dont know the words.
9. IM STILL GOING TO SMOKE POT
We stopped having people over, but whats the matter with a small joint after the kids go to bed? It might make all these terrible TV shows kind of interesting. This seems like a fairly safe idea until you try it. Youre on call 24 hours a day when you have kids, and that means its fairly negligent to get yourself into a state of mind where you were worried about satellites but then you forgot and now you keep saying, Wait, what was I talking about?
10. NO PRINCESS OR SUPERHERO S##T
Im Canadian and I grew up with old French cartoons such as Barbapapa, so my kids should do the same. They dont need all the corporate crap and merchandising that Disney shoves down their throats. Then I took the kids to see Toy Story and my sons head blew off. Soon after, I got him Woody and the guy who was on that giant screen was now his best friend. To deny him this fun would make me feel like the guy who made Beethoven deaf.
Same goes for my daughter. I avoided all the princess stuff until she went to her friend Cassidys house and saw a huge trunk full of princess dresses. She convinced me to buy her a pile of princess costumes of her own, and I havent seen her since. I think shes in her room.
LOL, seriously?
Happy Father’s Day to all Daddy and Granddaddy freepers! May your day be filled with love, joy and the blessings of your children. Hugs, Mom
For one thing, many conservative parents fit that script. Look, even Bill Buckley smoked pot: though not much, I suppose.
For another, there are lib homeschoolers, and they don't necessarily fit the template, either.
I mention that because, for the 11 years that we were homeschooling our boys, there were basically 2 homeschool support groups in town: one that was tightly identified with a Pentecostal church, and the other for "everyone else," which included quite a few libs. (We were in this second one because the first group --- Pentecostals --- considered Catholic kids to be mission bait.)
The lib homeschoolers were a diverse group, broadly respectable and likeable, and not --- as far as I could tell --- substance abusers, unless you count green smoothies.
“LOL, seriously?”
Actually, I do that here. But I’m a farmer, so there are plenty of things I do during the course of the day that are not so “delicate.” The no-labels rule is the one bit of useless civilization to which I bitterly cling.
I’ll drink beer from the bottle, but not at the table!
LOL!
I do find it funny how I have changed personally though. Once upon a time, I couldn't wait to turn 16 and drive. Then I couldn't wait til I was 18 and could move out and make my own rules (hahaaha). Then, it was 21 so I could buy my own beer... then graduating college became the wish of the season.
Then, things started to change. I couldn't wait til I was 25 so my damned car insurance would start going down a little. Fast forward to kids... Wow, things changed a LOT. I couldn't WAIT until they were potty trained and I could be free of diapers. Then, I couldn't WAIT til we were done fooling around with those stinking bottles. Now, here I am today... 2 boys in baseball, track, football, piano, parties, overnights... I find myself thinking "I can't WAIT til these kids get their own damned drivers license".
But through it all, I learn something new everyday about humanity, my wife and my kids. In the first couple years with kids, you learn to stand back and savor where you are standing and what you are witnessing and you know the day will come all to soon when you will be asking yourself why you wished away the years. At that point, the wishing sort of becomes a personal joke more than anything else. Nothing else I do in life will be more important than mentoring my kids. It'll be the one thing I am the most proud of... at least I hope. We haven't written the chapters of the teenage years yet and I DO have 2 boys.
The explanation is that they did exactly what this “parent” is saying (he’s saying don’t obey most of the tried and true parental rules) yet still partying and smoking pot thrown in. I call it “free ranging” mixed with a bit of “helicoptering”
Obama was one of the first children to be raised with pity and zero expectations. This is all since the liberal mindset inception of the book by Dr. Spock telling parents not to spank and the government telling parents that any form of correcting/training their children is “abuse.”
Now we have “single parent” moms alienating dad out of the picture—who used to be the voice of discipline in the home. Add in some ADHD and “anti depressant” meds and you have yourself an Adam Lanza factory.
7. NO LOGOS ON THE TABLE.....I never thought about that, but I should have enforced a “No LEGOS on the floor” rule.
OUCH!
When I was growing up, pre-80s, the milk jug or carton did not appear on the table. Milk was in a pitcher. Salad dressing was made from a package mix and was in a cruet. The vegetables were transferred to a serving bowl, not brought to the table in the pan.
My standards have slipped considerably for everyday meals. But kids need to see it done right every once in awhile.
Agreed.
Add a father whose job is to avoid taxes for GE and you have an Adam Lanza factory.
Who created this AWFUL list ????
Let me address this one by one.
1. ILL NEVER WEAR A BABY BACKPACK
I had 4 kids (2 were twins) and never once even considered using one.
2. THEYRE TAKING PIANO LESSONS AND IF THEY DONT LIKE IT, TOO BAD
All my kids take Piano lessons. I do give them a break during the summer, but the rest of the year they are mandatory.
3. I WILL MAKE THEM FINISH EVERY MEAL
I make my kids finish the important parts of every meal.
4. IM GOING TO BE VERY ATTENTIVE
I am very attentive to my kids.
5. WERE GOING TO HOME-SCHOOL THEM
I seriously considered home school, but luckily I was in a position to afford a quality private school education for my kids.
6. WE WONT LET THEM WATCH TV
I do let my kids watch TV, but try to limit (to my tolerances) how much time they spend on the computer and/or watching TV. I never said I wouldn’t let them watch TV.
7. NO LOGOS ON THE TABLE
There are no logos on our tables and never will be.
8. IM STILL GOING TO PARTY
Had already seen where “partying” would lead waaaaaay before I had children, and haven’t ever missed it. I do sometimes need time alone with the wife to recharge, but it wouldn’t be classified as “partying” by any means.
9. IM STILL GOING TO SMOKE POT
lol. Had no interest in wasting my money or my life doing drugs before I had kids, and certainly don’t have the need too now.
10. NO PRINCESS OR SUPERHERO S##T
I was looking forward to decorating my little girls room like a palace for a princess and to decorating my boys room with Star Wars décor (both tastefully done)
Whoever made this list is as different from me as night and day.
That writer just threw up his hands right away, firm’t know how to enforce discipline. In my house we had no tv.
We are Pentecostal and have several Catholic homeschoolers in our co-op. We consider one another brothers and sisters in Christ. Although there have been some very interesting theological discussions among the children. :) Blessings!
Thank you for such a cordial response! Man, it’s good to hear of good fellowship amongst Christians!
The author’s a wimp.
Excellent and describes my experience as well. The author’s a dufus and part of what’s wrong with American fathers. He’d be better off watching Shane and a half dozen Rifleman episodes if he wants to be a real dad.
Although, I did have a baby backpack so that I could carry my kids with two free hands into the woods, pull up rocks, climb things, cross rivers and have a great time with them right from the get go.
Awesome and congrats.
Amazing
I told my Thai Wife that we are going to paint a red line to keep the kid from running into the street.
Wow, that is not the Thai way, you are not a good father, it is not how we do things. What will people think?
I told her that I am the big dog, it will be my way. You will get the line painted or I will. And the kid will not cross it, I will stop them.
Last week her sister’s kid ran into the street and got hit by a scooter. He is OK. But if my kid crosses that red line, they will get spanked.
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