Next Class of Aircraft Carriers Announced - USS Clinton

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[SAMWolf]

Newport News,Va.

The first ship of the next class of carriers will be the USS Bill Clinton. It will boast the ability to steer a course straight down the middle, but will have a tendency to veer to the left or toward large sums of money. It will be fueled by an unending supply of testosterone, which perpetually replenishes itself. Its presence will always be marked by chaos and destruction, but there will never be enough evidence to prove that it was really there. Maintenance of this class will be a nightmare as items will constantly disappear from the aircraft and wardroom furniture will mysteriously vanish.

Its sister ship, the USS Hillary Rodham, will easily steer to the left or to the right, if you know what I mean. Keeping decklogs on this ship will be difficult, as there will be no knowledge of having been anywhere or having done anything. This ship will also run on testosterone but will require a much higher octane. This ship will be characterized by impulses to suddenly change homeports.

[tacticalogic]

Will it have a gigantic floating sink that will be anchored off the bow to catch the planes as they come off the catapult?

[fone]

I don't even want to hear about the shape of the forward gun mounts on the USS Clintoon. . .

[TomGuy]

Brings a whole different meaning to: Loose lips sink ships

[KSCITYBOY]

I'm guessing USS WJ. Clinton would sport a small crooked mast. I'm also thinking that the HR Clinton would be a stealth vessel able to hide in several ports but easily boarded and controled by terrorist.

[chriservative]

Note to self: remember to read the category of the article before developing chest pains and angina.

[hobblemaster]

And don't forget the USS JANET RENO. It's a carrier and a sub.

[f.Christian]

u-boat!

[hobblemaster]

Yep that's right. Very good.

[Arthur Wildfire! March]

A sailor was seen painting a large target sign on it. Other sailors were seen urinating on the deck. It's starting to smell pretty bad on board. The captain is said to be breaking open kegs of beer, and objects resembling toilets were seen being carried off the carrier. "We don't need heads on this bucket," one sailor said laughing. "The entire ship is a head."

All the shower rooms have been vandalized. Bathing is frowned upon by the gamey-smelling crew.

"I've never seen such a poorly run ship," one anonymous admiral said laughing. "But morale is high. We are rotating transfers on board frequently. D*** it stinks here!"

Several things have been spray painted on the walls, and this author refuses to repeat them.

For the sake of the environment and for minority groups across the land, this author pleads to the editor to knock this story down. No this author isn't writing a book. But it sounds soooo koool.

[LibWhacker]

Will it have a bent deck?

[byTheirCreator]

The Chinese are funding this one arn't they?

[Constitution Day]

To be truly complete, the ship needs to have a round waterbed in the "Captain's quarters" with mirrors on the ceiling.
Some cheesy music from 70's & 80's porno movies would need to be playing at all times.

[beekeeper]

bump

[SAMWolf]

The SS RENO will be equipped with the new sub launched fighters

[MJY1288]

And in the wake of the USS Clinton will be the terrible price we have to pay for it's voyage. There has been, and will be, many stories of this ships terrible deeds and treasonist journey's and most of this ships crew only served the ship and not the Country. Today this ship is not welcome at any harbor and this ships log will be covered up much like the ships past deeds. History will record this 42nd of many ships to serve this country as the most discraceful of the fleet.

[Howlin]

FYI.

[Howlin]

FYI.

[jerod]

NO PRISONERS!!!! - T. E. Lawrence