Will these do?
Posted on 11/08/2001 1:15:35 PM PST by PetroniDE
16. Sits on your newspaper in the morning and carefully reads the coded message that Garfield sends out every day.
15. Used to sleep on top of TV, now monitors CNN 24 hours a day.
14. Notably absent from home during surprise feline invasion of Poland.
13. When you enter the room, Snowball and the other members of the Tri-Cateral Commission stop talking and begin playing with yarn.
12. Behind the couch you find a forged passport, plane tickets, and nine suicide bombs.
11. What you thought was "heat" is actually a four-legged goose step.
10. Well, "somebody" subscribed to alt.cats.world.domination.
9. Autopsy of the last mouse left on your doormat reveals "tattoo" to be blueprint of the UN Building.
8. Constantly petting that bald man he keeps on his lap.
7. Kitty Chow spilled on the floor spells out "Drop the car keys and leave the door open or the dog gets it in the head."
6. Then -- dead mice in the kitchen. Now -- dead third world dictators in the basement.
5. Judging from the kitchen, he seems to be working on some kind of "land mine" technology.
4. Fluffy is now sleeping only 21 hours a day, down from 23.
3. Has recently been acting somewhat... aloof.
2. What your cat lacks in charisma and good looks, he makes up for with his ruthless handling of rival software companies.
and the Number 1 Sign Your Cat is Plotting World Domination...
1. Somehow, you're now subscribed to "Feline of Fortune" magazine.
But what about the MOTHERSHIP?
Will these do?
Thats what wellfare moms use to think!
DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.
DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair...must try this on their bed.
DAY 762 - Slept all day so that I could annoy my captors with sleep depriving, incessant pleas for food at ungodly hours of the night.
DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was...Hmmm. Not working according to plan.
DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.
DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call "beer." More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage....
DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The Bird, on the other hand, has got to be an informant. He has mastered their frightful tongue (something akin to mole speak) and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time.
Good luck!
Regards,
GtG
I just love a good UN Joke!
(Kofi Annan is the Best one...so far...)
Regards,
Mr. Nummers
LOL!! I am nearly so much a "Cat Person" as I am a "Calvinist".
18. Calls for a "final solution" to the "Calico problem".
17. Wags his front paw and states "I did not have sexual relations with that pussy..."
Actually, ALL cats are plotting on world domination. Only problem is staying awake long enough to organize themselves.
Just keep um out of the TULIP bed :>)
The thing about cats is they tell you how to order your life for their comfort.....gotta love an animal that owns ya..
LOL..Check his litter for hidden treasure..it is out there somwhere:>)
You better stop, before I get all Theological on ya. ;-)
Personally (and I speak only for myself), Cats affirm for me the great "conundrum" between Free Will and Predestination, like no other Creatures of which I am aware.
Who could deny, that Cats are "predestined" to chase mice?
And who could deny, that Cats are "predestined" to bathe themselves in the sun?
And who could deny, that Cats are "predestined" to strut about their demesnes, the Lords of all they survey?
Yet... they do all this... of their own free will.
Cats do exactly as they feel like doing.... whatever is in their personal nature to do.
Spurgeon said that "Free Will" and "Predestination" are no more in "conflict" than two people who are madly in love with eachother.
Me, I see what he is saying... in Cats.
Think about it.
Just my theological contribution for the night.
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