School Bullying – “Its Not Cool to be Cruel”

Not to long ago in the Raleigh New and Observer there was an article about a woman who was filing a lawsuit against the schools as a result of her sons suicide. From the N&O “The lawsuit says _______, who was small, short and thin for his age, was teased mercilessly. ___________ was thrown into a locker by other students two weeks before his death. As a result of his condition, school officials and ____________ signed an Individual Education Plan for __________ saying he would be escorted to and from gym class and would not be left alone in the cafeteria or the gym, according to the lawsuit.” The boy had ADHD and ODD and was teased and bullied on a daily basis. As a parent I was appalled but not surprised. Kids with ADHD also tend to be easy targets because they have some of the following traits. · trouble paying attention · inattention to details and makes careless mistakes · easily distracted · loses school supplies, forgets to turn in homework · trouble finishing class work and homework · trouble listening · trouble following multiple adult commands · blurts out answers · impatience · fidgets or squirms · leaves seat and runs about or climbs excessively · seems "on the go" · talks too much and has difficulty playing quietly · interrupts or intrudes on others The above traits make a child a prime target for bullying which lends itself to self esteem problems and eventually childhood depression. He will not only be bullied from his classmates but the teacher will often reprimand him in front of the class for being disruptive and not handing in his assignments. This kid may go for years and never get a student of the week award or the positive praise and recognition they so dearly need.

{Too often, bullying is dismissed as an expected rite of childhood. Children who are teased are often told to “ignore it,” but it’s not that simple. Bullying can take a terrible toll on the lives of school children, especially those diagnosed with AD/HD. The fear, anxiety and social isolation suffered by the victims of bullying can result in a loss of productivity in school and unknown psychological distress.

Some experts feel that victims have lower self-esteem than bullies themselves. For these students, school is no longer a safe haven. Rather, they are fearful playing on the playground and going to and from classes. Even mild forms of verbal abuse have resulted in absences from school, lower grades and overall anxiety. Children and adolescents can sustain short- and long-term psychological damage caused by parents and school personnel failing to intervene when they witness bullying.

Bullies want to dominate others, and students with AD/HD are easy targets. Bullies may engage in a number of aggressive behaviors from verbally taunting other children, calling them names and spreading vicious rumors among their classmates, to threatening other children, sometimes even carrying out such threats. Bullies often engage in physical aggression toward others and may steal money and valuable items from their victims. While all of these acts are pernicious, the act of bullying is characterized by the persistence of these attacks – they are frequent and ongoing. } “AD/HD and Bullies: What You Need to Know” By Barry E. McNamara, ED.D, and Francine J. McNamara, M.S.W., C.S.W. Attention! Magazine, Sept./Oct. 2000

After all, we as parents often tell our kids it’s just a part of growing up. The majority of the teasing may start out innocent enough but when it occurs on a repeated and daily basis by a group of individuals the consequences can be devastating. Here is an excerpt from a note that Eric Harris, one of the two attackers at Columbine High in Littleton Colo: “Your children who have ridiculed me, who have chosen not to accept me, who have treated me like I am not worth their time, are dead.” Why is it that he failed to inform his teachers and his parents of the abuses that he was subjected too on a daily basis. Because he felt that he had exhausted every avenue! A number of sources state that over 95% of the incidents of bullying in the schools occur when the teachers and no adults can witness the action. The majority of the abuse occurs in the hallways, bathrooms, lunchrooms, and the playground areas.

We as parents need to speak out in order to evoke a needed change in our schools and our current policies concerning how we deal with this very serious issue. If we don’t advocate for the rights of our own kids who else will! Grow up toughen up, fight back it’s a part of life. Watch it! That’s what I told my boy for a long time and I am now regretting it! Is it a part of life when that kid is being bullied by a group of five or six and he has to fight not one, but to stand up to a group of 5 or more. Is it fair for us to let these kids allow social isolation in the schools where a child has to sit alone in the cafeteria because the group of bullies won’t allow the student to sit at their table? When the bullying occurs on a daily basis and the child suffers social isolation, verbal and physical abuse and we allow it to continue without advocating for the rights of our own children we are guilty of child abuse.

Our whole focus in the schools now is on EOG tests and even though we claim to have character education programs the majority of teachers don’t have enough time in the day to implement them. This is especially true in schools where inadequate discipline on the part of the administration means that the teachers must attempt to deal with these issues within the classroom.

The teachers now must “Teach the Test” or suffer the consequences. Little or no effort is placed on building our kids social skills. While I realize that there are some outstanding schools that do focus on social skills and have good character education programs there are many more that do not. Here are a few of the traits that we so sorely need in our schools, Responsibility, Perseverance, Caring, Self-discipline, Citizenship, Honesty, Courage, Fairness and Respect.

There are many kids out there today who would rather die than face another day of the abuse that they have to put up with in the schools. Put yourself in their shoes and imagine what it would be like if you had to go to the workplace under similar conditions! Not a pretty thought. Why is it so many parents are moving their kids from their base schools and opting for charter, magnet and home schooling?

Ive never met a bully that suffered from "low self-esteem" They are usually some jock that gets his ass kissed on a daily bases and thinks he can do what ever the hell he wants too. The problem is elevating the status of atheletes above all else.

It's not cool to be cruel.

Good idea, BAD slogan. Using the negative "don't" is always poor suggestive choice. Example: tell yourself, "Don't forget the car keys!" and your subconscious registers the concept, "forget," and you'll go on forgetting your car keys. Tell yourself: "Remember the car keys," and your subconscious mind registers the concept, "remember." Suggestive language is very powerful. It works -- I used to "lose" my car keys all the time; the last time I forgot my car keys was a long time ago, thanks to a friend's little tip on the power of positive suggestion.

I suggest a better slogan would be along the lines of (and these are just suggestions!!),

Be cruel -- you're the fool.

To be kind is The Kind.

parents do need to teach that. and they also need to drop the crap in schools where a kid isnt allowed to deffend himself. the kid shouldnt have been treated any differnetly than anyone else. he should have been taught to make a stand, and the teachers should have let him do it. the faculty should have turned a blind eye to the small one taking one or two of them down, let him establish himself, then let him know how far he is allowed to go. i used to be there. i was once picked on like that. i beat the heck outta some kids for my 7th grade. spent some time in detention. no one picked on me from then on. people need to get over thinking that school is about feeling good. its about finding yourself. and if we keep holding kids hands when they should be growing up, they wont be able to cope, and then things like suicide happen. kids are as cruel as they can be to each other. grown men happen to operate the same way, only globally. you gotta let your kid make a stand.

I have a friend whose daughter was being picked on by a boy classmate in elementary school. She reported it to the teacher and didn't get any help. One day the boy pushed her to the ground. Having been properly taught self defense by her parents, she got up and bloodied his nose. She was then suspended from school.

My friend and his wife went to see the school principal, who informed them that regardless of the provocation a physical response was inappropriate. My friend asked the principal why he was trying to train the girls to become victims for rapists and killers? The principal had no response.

The next day, my friends enrolled their daughter in a private school. She attended private schools through high school and is now an honors student at the University of Texas.

"They are usually some jock that gets his ass kissed on a daily basis"

One like that was giving me a hassle in sixth grade one time,and was alot bigger than me.Unfortunaly for him,my friend,a girl,bigger than me, abruptly stepped up and landed a punch that knocked out a few teeth.He never did live this down.She was tough,and we stayed freinds for many years.

From what I remember of school, the "in-crowd" kids have parents who mix socially with the faculty. Combine parents who want their little darlings to have anything and everything their heart desires, with faculty who let them get away with murder and it's no wonder some turn into insufferable bullies.

Gee, the same thing happened to me. The only dfference however, was when my parents were asked why I punched this boy in the mouth (he needed 6 stitches!), my father answered "Because I told her to."(btw, my dad was in the Corp.) My parents also threatened to sue if the school even thought about suspending me...and that made the Asst. Principal get quiet real quick. Later on, Private school was the way to go.

From a young age I taught my sons where the 'doorbell' was. They learned quickly that ringing the 'doorbell' pretty well stopped any BS. Their question to me was always, "What does it take to cross the line where I ring the doorbell, Dad." That's where the old saying, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me." They knew that as soon as the other crossed the physical line, the limits were off. A lesson obviously over libs heads completely. Get within a mile of their sensitive ears and they snivel. It's quite obvious why they have no idea how to deal with a REAL enemy.

Nam Vet

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