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George Bailey Found Dead, Suicide Suspected
movementarian ^

Posted on 12/09/2002 7:10:58 AM PST by Sir Gawain

News
BEDFORD FALLS - Local entrepreneur George Bailey was found dead this morning, washed up on the bank of the river. Preliminary toxicology results show that he had a blood-alcohol content of .1%, which is higher than the legally allowed .08%. This may have contributed to his deciding to jump off of the bridge. Bailey, a well-known local businessman, and all around doormat is survived by his wife and four children.
Not a Wonderful Life.
Bailey, now deceased.


Widow, Mary Bailey told reporters, “George was very upset with his uncle for misplacing a large amount of money, as well as his general inability to make the Bedford Building and Loan into a profitable business. George was such a kind soul, he even sacrificed his own dreams and money to send his brother to college.”

Bedford Falls’ self-made millionaire, Sam Wainwright also fondly remembered his high-school chum, George. “Hee-Haw, I’m really going to miss ol’ George. I think he was mighty upset and regretted his decision not to jump in on the ground floor of my plastics business. It’s a darn shame.”

It turns out that there is no end to the people who were shocked at hearing that George Bailey had tragically killed himself. After multiple testimonies and personal benedictions, it became evident that much of Bailey’s popularity was due to his almost superhuman ability to sacrifice himself for a cause without expecting anything in return. His latest adventure into altruism pushed his business on the verge of total failure in order to please the people of Bedford Falls.

Local taxi driver Bert lamented that “George would do anything for anybody. He never cared about himself. Heck, he sacrificed his dreams and humanity for most of the people in this town.”

In fact, only one person in town, Mr. Potter, a cartoonishly evil businessman in the classic style of the 1920’s Plutocrats, had the only negative comment about George's demise. “George Bailey kept me from owning and running this town lock, stock, and barrel. Now that he’s gone I can take action to shut down his puny building and loan company along with all the other inefficient businesses here. It has been a thorn in my side for far too long. I think I'll burn down some trees to, to celebrate -- maybe even a big spruce.”

It is quite obvious that the mewling throngs of Bedford Falls will sorely miss the self-sacrificing George Bailey. If an honest and charitable man like George cannot make it in this cruel world, who can?


TOPICS: Political Humor/Cartoons
KEYWORDS:
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1 posted on 12/09/2002 7:10:58 AM PST by Sir Gawain
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To: Billthedrill; christine; Cyber Liberty; dead; Victoria Delsoul; Fiddlstix; glock rocks; ...
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2 posted on 12/09/2002 7:11:23 AM PST by Sir Gawain
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To: Sir Gawain
If only Bert and Ernie had been watching closer that night!
3 posted on 12/09/2002 7:13:12 AM PST by ewing
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To: Sir Gawain; Future Snake Eater
Kent Brockman: Springfield has been infiltrated by a strange and almost certainly evil cult calling themselves the movementarians... what?

Welcome Movementarians continue to improve our lives. Hail perfect leader and new CEO of KBBO broadcasting.

4 posted on 12/09/2002 7:23:41 AM PST by weikel
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To: Sir Gawain
I suspect foul play. And my top suspect would no doubt be former Little Rascal's film star Alfalfa Schweitzer, who harbored a grudge for years against Bailey. Ever since that time at the High School dance when Bailey rudely interrupted that compelling story he was telling Mary about his big cross country race. This then forced him to open up the pool underneath the dance floor spilling the dancing couple into the water. Ironically this actually brought George and Mary together and has eaten away at Alfalfa ever since. Rumor has it that it spurred him and his cronies to start a "He Man Woman Haters Club."
5 posted on 12/09/2002 7:24:23 AM PST by The G Man
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To: weikel
Six degrees of separation... did he any of the Clintons???
6 posted on 12/09/2002 7:25:28 AM PST by rintense
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To: Sir Gawain
I guess Bedford Falls will turn into a sleazy, Liberal run, Hell hole now!
7 posted on 12/09/2002 7:25:56 AM PST by Destructor
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To: The G Man
Police also suspect Alfafa may have come to an untimely end after the Bailey suicide into the river..
8 posted on 12/09/2002 7:27:16 AM PST by ewing
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To: Destructor
Open up the Gin Joints and the Brothels before Clarence gets back!
9 posted on 12/09/2002 7:28:30 AM PST by ewing
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To: Sir Gawain
Sounds like Ayn Rand's version of the story.

I bet reruns of "A Wonderful Life" used to put a toad in her egg nog.

10 posted on 12/09/2002 7:28:31 AM PST by Aquinasfan
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To: The G Man
I believe you're on to something! LOL


11 posted on 12/09/2002 7:28:43 AM PST by MadelineZapeezda
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To: Sir Gawain
Cult Movies film critic Dan Peary wrote that It's a Wonderful Life was that rare film where liberal and conservative philosophies intersect (e.g. the class conscious progressivism of liberals, and the patriotic voluntarism of conservatives).
12 posted on 12/09/2002 7:30:00 AM PST by Commie Basher
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To: Sir Gawain
Harry Potter pushed him! ...maybe that is Henry Potter.
13 posted on 12/09/2002 7:30:17 AM PST by Diverdogz
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To: Commie Basher
So Potterville is big business gone unchecked by liberal governmental regulation?
14 posted on 12/09/2002 7:32:44 AM PST by ewing
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To: Destructor
It has. It became Ithaca.
15 posted on 12/09/2002 7:34:35 AM PST by Emile
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To: ewing
Pottersvill is conservative big business principles without conservative moral values. Potter represents the worst of conservatives. He represents those that say I'm conservative fiscally, and moderate on moral issues.
16 posted on 12/09/2002 7:36:07 AM PST by kjam22
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To: Sir Gawain
Merry Christmas, Sir Gawain :)
17 posted on 12/09/2002 7:36:22 AM PST by Fiddlstix
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To: ewing
No, Potter is a big businessman unchecked by Christian charity -- the best sort of regulation. George Bailey forever!
18 posted on 12/09/2002 7:36:57 AM PST by B-Chan
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To: kjam22
Good point, Potter is definitely a RINO..
19 posted on 12/09/2002 7:38:53 AM PST by ewing
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To: B-Chan
I liked the part where the author said that Potter was going to find some forests to clear cut..
20 posted on 12/09/2002 7:41:09 AM PST by ewing
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To: Sir Gawain
I'd have trouble playing the piano with Zu-Zu petals stuck in my ear. Good riddance.
21 posted on 12/09/2002 7:42:37 AM PST by budwiesest
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To: Destructor; Emile
I guess Bedford Falls will turn into a sleazy, Liberal run, Hell hole now!

It has. It became Ithaca.

> chuckle < <|:)~

22 posted on 12/09/2002 7:44:36 AM PST by martin_fierro
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To: Sir Gawain
Preliminary toxicology results show that he had a blood-alcohol content of .1%, which is higher than the legally allowed .08%.

Fascinating comment. I thought that it was only the legal limit for driving, not illegal period to have a BAC over .08%. I love reporters.

23 posted on 12/09/2002 7:45:05 AM PST by ican'tbelieveit
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To: Sir Gawain
Now Biff is in charge?
24 posted on 12/09/2002 7:46:02 AM PST by js1138
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To: ican'tbelieveit
But George had illegally drunk driven his car into a tree before he jumped off the bridge..I smell a press coverup and conspiracy!
25 posted on 12/09/2002 7:48:03 AM PST by ewing
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To: ewing
He jumped because Violet Bick was going to go public with a paternity suit!
26 posted on 12/09/2002 7:51:10 AM PST by kjam22
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To: kjam22
That must have been some hard liqour at the bar on an empty stomach to get .1 blood alchol level the next morning!
27 posted on 12/09/2002 7:52:27 AM PST by ewing
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To: Sir Gawain
Bwahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaa
28 posted on 12/09/2002 7:54:33 AM PST by TomServo
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To: Sir Gawain
...the Bedford Building and Loan ...

Thought it was the Bailey Building and Loan?

29 posted on 12/09/2002 7:57:14 AM PST by N. Theknow
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To: ewing
..I smell a press coverup and conspiracy!

Good Point!
We must look into that

30 posted on 12/09/2002 7:58:25 AM PST by Fiddlstix
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To: kjam22
That right, Violet could bribe him like Michael Jordans mistress..
31 posted on 12/09/2002 7:58:25 AM PST by ewing
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To: TomServo
Mary should have married Sam Wainwright!
32 posted on 12/09/2002 7:59:00 AM PST by princess leah
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To: Fiddlstix
The Mothers Against Model T Ford Drunk Driving will be up in arms..
33 posted on 12/09/2002 7:59:49 AM PST by ewing
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To: Diverdogz
I think his name was Henry Potter or Harold?
34 posted on 12/09/2002 8:00:47 AM PST by ewing
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To: Sir Gawain
A simple insurance scam. Follow the money, sez I...
35 posted on 12/09/2002 8:01:08 AM PST by Billthedrill
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To: Sir Gawain
IMHO, It's a Wonderful Life is the greatest movie ever.
36 posted on 12/09/2002 8:01:17 AM PST by L.N. Smithee
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To: budwiesest
I think Zu-Zu is still alive and livng somewhere in the Midwest..
37 posted on 12/09/2002 8:01:51 AM PST by ewing
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To: L.N. Smithee
It is a great movie. I bought it on DVD the other day. A classic.
38 posted on 12/09/2002 8:02:24 AM PST by kjam22
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To: princess leah
One word..the future is plastics!
39 posted on 12/09/2002 8:03:10 AM PST by ewing
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To: Billthedrill
The local paper hasn't yet seen the insurance scam angle yet..
40 posted on 12/09/2002 8:04:57 AM PST by ewing
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To: Emile
Not exactly Ithaca.

About 20 years ago Spielberg produced and Joe Dante directed a film called "Gremlins". They designed the sets for the town to be an updated version of Bedford Falls.

Few people got the joke.

41 posted on 12/09/2002 8:17:47 AM PST by Publius
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To: L.N. Smithee
Never fails to choke me up at the end.

However, the Saturday Night Live skit where they show the lost ending of IAWL, where the Uncle remembers that he had the money in the paper, and all the people at George's house turn into an angry mob who set out to kill Potter is absolutely hysterical!
42 posted on 12/09/2002 8:18:29 AM PST by Gigantor
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To: princess leah
HEE-HAW!and Merry Christmas!
43 posted on 12/09/2002 8:18:38 AM PST by Rebelbase
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To: Gigantor
That was a great skit..with Dana Carvey as Potter!
44 posted on 12/09/2002 8:24:01 AM PST by ewing
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To: Rebelbase
This suicide happened over 50 years ago. Mr. Potter long ago turned over Potterville to his illegitimate son, Harry Potter, who now rules it with an iron wand, along with his goddess like wife, Hermione.

I once spent a couple of days with Frank Capra--a very interesting man.
45 posted on 12/09/2002 8:25:50 AM PST by FreedomFlyer
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To: Sir Gawain
The Christmas season really is a lovely time of year for suicide and murder....
46 posted on 12/09/2002 8:26:03 AM PST by woofie
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To: The G Man
As a grown man the actor who played Alfalfa worked at what became Reno Ace Hardware in South Hutchinson Kansas. A friend of mine who worked there in the late 70's found him in an old picture of past employees he found there. Just a bit of useless info I thought you all needed.
47 posted on 12/09/2002 8:32:12 AM PST by Rogerf
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To: ewing
I think his name was Henry Potter or Harold?

Henry F. Potter

48 posted on 12/09/2002 8:39:25 AM PST by kjam22
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To: onedoug; I Drive Too Fast
Ping
49 posted on 12/09/2002 8:44:05 AM PST by windcliff
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To: Sir Gawain
Authorities say four college students are missing for more than a month now. All from different areas outside of Bedford Falls, there is no indication that these incidences are related. Search and rescue teams are checking the states main waterways and drainage ditches.
50 posted on 12/09/2002 8:47:25 AM PST by discipler
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