George Bailey Found Dead, Suicide Suspected

movementarian ^

[Sir Gawain]

BEDFORD FALLS - Local entrepreneur George Bailey was found dead this morning, washed up on the bank of the river. Preliminary toxicology results show that he had a blood-alcohol content of .1%, which is higher than the legally allowed .08%. This may have contributed to his deciding to jump off of the bridge. Bailey, a well-known local businessman, and all around doormat is survived by his wife and four children. Bailey, now deceased. Widow, Mary Bailey told reporters, “George was very upset with his uncle for misplacing a large amount of money, as well as his general inability to make the Bedford Building and Loan into a profitable business. George was such a kind soul, he even sacrificed his own dreams and money to send his brother to college.” Bedford Falls’ self-made millionaire, Sam Wainwright also fondly remembered his high-school chum, George. “Hee-Haw, I’m really going to miss ol’ George. I think he was mighty upset and regretted his decision not to jump in on the ground floor of my plastics business. It’s a darn shame.” It turns out that there is no end to the people who were shocked at hearing that George Bailey had tragically killed himself. After multiple testimonies and personal benedictions, it became evident that much of Bailey’s popularity was due to his almost superhuman ability to sacrifice himself for a cause without expecting anything in return. His latest adventure into altruism pushed his business on the verge of total failure in order to please the people of Bedford Falls. Local taxi driver Bert lamented that “George would do anything for anybody. He never cared about himself. Heck, he sacrificed his dreams and humanity for most of the people in this town.” In fact, only one person in town, Mr. Potter, a cartoonishly evil businessman in the classic style of the 1920’s Plutocrats, had the only negative comment about George's demise. “George Bailey kept me from owning and running this town lock, stock, and barrel. Now that he’s gone I can take action to shut down his puny building and loan company along with all the other inefficient businesses here. It has been a thorn in my side for far too long. I think I'll burn down some trees to, to celebrate -- maybe even a big spruce.” It is quite obvious that the mewling throngs of Bedford Falls will sorely miss the self-sacrificing George Bailey. If an honest and charitable man like George cannot make it in this cruel world, who can?

[Sir Gawain]

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[ewing]

If only Bert and Ernie had been watching closer that night!

[weikel]

Kent Brockman: Springfield has been infiltrated by a strange and almost certainly evil cult calling themselves the movementarians... what?

Welcome Movementarians continue to improve our lives. Hail perfect leader and new CEO of KBBO broadcasting.

[The G Man]

I suspect foul play. And my top suspect would no doubt be former Little Rascal's film star Alfalfa Schweitzer, who harbored a grudge for years against Bailey. Ever since that time at the High School dance when Bailey rudely interrupted that compelling story he was telling Mary about his big cross country race. This then forced him to open up the pool underneath the dance floor spilling the dancing couple into the water. Ironically this actually brought George and Mary together and has eaten away at Alfalfa ever since. Rumor has it that it spurred him and his cronies to start a "He Man Woman Haters Club."

[rintense]

Six degrees of separation... did he any of the Clintons???

[Destructor]

I guess Bedford Falls will turn into a sleazy, Liberal run, Hell hole now!

[ewing]

Police also suspect Alfafa may have come to an untimely end after the Bailey suicide into the river..

[ewing]

Open up the Gin Joints and the Brothels before Clarence gets back!

[Aquinasfan]

Sounds like Ayn Rand's version of the story.

I bet reruns of "A Wonderful Life" used to put a toad in her egg nog.

[MadelineZapeezda]

I believe you're on to something! LOL

[Commie Basher]

Cult Movies film critic Dan Peary wrote that It's a Wonderful Life was that rare film where liberal and conservative philosophies intersect (e.g. the class conscious progressivism of liberals, and the patriotic voluntarism of conservatives).

[Diverdogz]

Harry Potter pushed him! ...maybe that is Henry Potter.

[ewing]

So Potterville is big business gone unchecked by liberal governmental regulation?

[Emile]

It has. It became Ithaca.

[kjam22]

Pottersvill is conservative big business principles without conservative moral values. Potter represents the worst of conservatives. He represents those that say I'm conservative fiscally, and moderate on moral issues.

[Fiddlstix]

Merry Christmas, Sir Gawain :)

[B-Chan]

No, Potter is a big businessman unchecked by Christian charity -- the best sort of regulation. George Bailey forever!

[ewing]

Good point, Potter is definitely a RINO..

[ewing]

I liked the part where the author said that Potter was going to find some forests to clear cut..