Wanted: Assistant to the President. (Cincy/VA Freepers, Anybody want to work for PETA?)

Cincinnati Enquirer ^ | December 15th 2002 | classified ad

[Jhoffa_]

Assistant to the President

Wanted to perform all administrative duties in President's office. Excellent qualifications/solid exp req'd. Meticulousness, reliability, confidentiality, respect for animals. Must be willing to relocate to the VA area. Competitive salary/benefits. Apply:

PETA, Attn:HR
501 Front St.
Norfolk VA 23510
fax: 757-628-0789

[Jhoffa_]

"Confidentiality"

I wonder what nuclear secrets PETA would be so concerned about to list this as a primary requirement.

?

[Young Rhino]

I think a "Ronald McDonald" may just fax a resume tonight. :-)

[Jhoffa_]

Yeah, I kinda thought some freepers might know people who were interested.

:)

[TaRaRaBoomDeAyGoreLostToday!]

I'll take the job. Give me 2 weeks. My first order of business will be ceasing the 500 dollar fine if 'one' 'disturbs' turtle eggs along a beach. And the 500 dollar fine will also cease to those shooting red foxes.

How assinine is a society that 500 bucks pays to kill a baby human being and your fined the same for killing low scale food chain members.

[TaRaRaBoomDeAyGoreLostToday!]

Oh and I will end the ban of DDT and let the world know that PETA created the West Nile Virus epidemic with this assinine measure.

[Jhoffa_]

How assinine is a society that 500 bucks pays to kill a baby human being and your fined the same for killing low scale food chain members.

Oh, I know..

That's why I simply can't understand Conservatives who won't touch the abortion issue with a ten foot pole.

If you frame it in plain language, the argument itself becomes ridiculous.

[Young Rhino]

Ronald was kind enough to provide me with a copy of his resume that he faxed for the job tonight. Wonder if he will get called for an interview? :-)

Ronald McDonald
One Kroc Drive
Oak Brook, IL 60523

Telephone: 630/623-6198 e-mail: ronald@mcd.com

Qualifications for Assistant to the President

Professional Summary

Decades of experience as a professional clown who just loves animals, preferably well-done.

Areas of Expertise

McMagic Clowning With Colors Food, Folks & Fun

Career Highlights

q Caught Hamburglar trying to escape.q Given key to the city by Mayor McCheese.q Designed flashy wardrobe consisting of bright red and yellow.q Moonlighting as weatherman Willard Scott.q Cleaned Grimace’s garage.q Helped Birdie build a treehouse.

Employment History

1955 to present. Professional clown.

Education

M.A., Hamburger University (magna cum laude) 1973 B.S.., Culinary Institute of America 1969

[Jhoffa_]

LOL!

I just knew you guy's could do something with this ad..

No smarm is witheld on FR.

[TaRaRaBoomDeAyGoreLostToday!]

If anybody's pi$$ed that I shoot a red fox, I will tell them it is my right to choose the mink stole I wear to keep warm.

[Bubba_Leroy]

I would be perfect for this job. I LOVE animals. Especially when you barbeque them over a mesquite fire.

[Jhoffa_]

I don't believe in being cruel to animals or anything, but these PETA guy's are just over the top.

I honestly think that if they stopped with cruelty and left hunting and such alone their message would have almost universal appeal.

As it is they just alienate everyone, then out come the Gestapo tactics and it becomes self perpetuating.

[Jhoffa_]

LOL!

You should note that under: "Other skills, interests"