Fans Howl in Protest as Judge Decides X-Men Aren't Human

the wall street journal ^ | 1.20.03 | NEIL KING JR.

[freepatriot32]

Judge Judith Barzilay huddled late last year with a telepathic professor and a cast of mutants to ponder an age-old question: What does it mean to be human?

In her chambers at the U.S. Court of International Trade, in New York, the judge examined Prof. X and the rest of his band of X-Men, all of them little plastic figures at the heart of a six-year tariff battle between their owner, Marvel Enterprises Inc., and the U.S. Customs Service.

[freepatriot32]

Judge Barzilay, through a spokesman, said that she would let her 32-page decision speak for itself. But she described in her ruling how she subjected many of the figures to "comprehensive examinations." At times, that included "the need to remove the clothes of the figure."

your tax dollars at work

[shadowman99]

I read only part of this story, yet I fear I will forever be lessened by having done so.

[Billthedrill]

Wow. Next time I hear about some court's docket being overcrowded this little drama is going to come to mind.

[Gothmog]

Cry Havok (and Polaris) and let loose the dogs of war! As if Warren Worthington did not have enough money! What Cyclopian reasoning!

[Miss Marple]

My dear late mother-in-law had a saying she often used that seems terribly appropriate to this whole story:

"Some people don't have enough to do."

[Dionysius]

They don't become human until they are removed from the carton.

[ECM]

Thanks for reminding me how much of a geek a guy in his late 20s can be.

Namely, me.

[EBUCK]

your tax dollars at work

Idiot bureaucrats at work with nothing better to do than create laws difernetiating dolls and toys. The judge has no choice but to determine the identiy because some jackass made that moron law.

[KC_Conspirator]

But what about Wolverine, the muscular X-Man with the metal claws that jut out from his fists?

What an outrage! This judge is not fit for the bench! Everyone knows his claws are made out out adamantium, not just simple metal!

[Physicist]

your tax dollars at work

No, your tax and tariff code at work.

[akorahil]

Judge Barzilay conceded that the closest call was the Mole Man, who once blinded the Fantastic Four with searing beams of light. The judge found him to be "stout and thick," with "exaggerated troll-like features" and very pale skin

Now I know what Helen Thomas is doing on her off time...

[Once-Ler]

Dirty stinkin' mutants! Homo Superior must be eliminated from the Earth before they take over.

[anymouse]

I wonder if the parent company of WSJ and the distributor of the new "X-men" sequal are the same? Such transparent hype should be beneith the WSJ. Besides the preview trailers seem to be enough to get this jaded movie goer interested in this film.

[Gothmog]

We were just ahead of the curve

[Gothmog]

She must have been drinking Thunderbird!

[mewzilla]

Where's Magneto when ya need him?

[Outlaw76]

Whoever is handling publicity for the X-Men movies should get a big pay raise.

The next movie will feature the X-Men geting hunted down by Anti-Mutant, Pro-Human groups. I wonder if this judge will be in the credits.

[TheBigB]

Didn't Magneto remove all the Adamantium from Wolverine's skeleton a few years ago?

[Gothmog]

What a Collosul mistake! If I were the Feds I'd be screaming like a Banshee!

[steve-b]

"The war has begun."