Fred Barnes: How Many Frenchmen Does It Take . . .

The Weekly Standard ^ | 02/13/03 | Fred Barnes

[Pokey78]

Nobody likes an ingrate and a tide of anti-French sentiment is sweeping the American street.

DO THE FRENCH have the slightest idea about how obnoxious they seem to many Americans? I suspect not, but then the French aren't all that self-aware in the first place. And the American press, hung up on anti-Americanism around the globe, has done little to inform anyone of the rippling tide of anti-French feeling here.

The simple fact is nobody likes an ingrate. It would be one thing if the French said they planned to sit out the war with Iraq. But it's quite another when the French actively try to undermine President Bush and prevent regime change in Iraq, as they're doing now. After all we've done for the French--saving their butts in World Wars I and II, taking over for them in Vietnam--this makes them ungrateful in the extreme--breathtakingly, unprecedentedly, and perhaps even unforgivably, ungrateful.

There's more than just anecdotal evidence of anti-French sentiment. There are polls. Gallup found that France's favorability among Americans has dropped 20 points in the past year. It's still at 59 percent, but that survey was taken in December. Since then, the French have gone out of their way to alienate the entire American population (except the hard-core left). My guess is a poll today would show that France is viewed far less favorably than in December.

But what about the anecdotal evidence? I give speeches and appear on TV and frequently criticize the French on Iraq, and I repeat every anti-French joke I've heard. I thought this might be politically incorrect. Au contraire. Americans of nearly all stripes appear to appreciate France-bashing. I haven't been chastised once, even after telling tough jokes zinging the French for their history of weakness, disloyalty, and fecklessness.

The jokes have taken on a life of their own. Americans love them. For instance, Jay Leno says it's no surprise the French won't help us get Saddam Hussein out of Iraq. They didn't help us get Germany out of France, either. Still, it's essential for them to join us in the war against Iraq. They can teach the Iraqis how to surrender.

And why are French streets tree-lined? So the Germans can march in the shade. How many Frenchmen does it take to defend Paris? No one knows. It's never been tried. What do you call 100,000 Frenchmen with their hands up? The army. How many gears does a French tank have? Five, four in reverse and one forward (in case of attack from behind). FOR SALE: French rifles . . . never fired, only dropped once.

Dennis Miller specializes in anti-French humor. "The only way the French are going in is if we tell them we found truffles in Iraq," Miller says. "The French are always reticent to surrender to the wishes of their friends and always more than willing to surrender to the wishes of their enemies."

That last one is more than a joke. It's shrewd commentary. It captures why the French make such poor allies. When they pulled out of NATO 40 years ago and declared Americans must close down their bases in France, Secretary of State Dean Rusk had a bitterly caustic response. Should we dig up the graves of American soldiers in Normandy, too, and take them home? No French answer was recorded.

[Pokey78]

Ping for the FredHeads.

[WomanofStandard]

Delightful! Thanks.

[MCH]

Excellent. There were a couple in there I hadn't heard yet.

Whereas in my youth "Pollack" jokes used to be all the rage, it looks like the moronic, ungrateful, arrogant, obstructionist and pathetic French have now assumed the position instead.

[Arm_Bears]

What do you call a Frenchman with a sheep under one arm and a goat under the other arm? Bi-sexual.

[MCH]

Sorry - I forgot to add cowardly and craven to the list of appropriate adjectives describing our wonderful French "friends".

[David1]

How can I be placed in the FredHeads list? I'm a big fan of Fred Barnes.

[JohnHuang2]

Fred Barnes MEGA PING!

[Pokey78]

All ya gotta do is ask, and I'll take that as asking.

You are now a FredHead.

[farmfriend]

Should we dig up the graves of American soldiers in Normandy, too, and take them home?

Yes!

[George W. Bush]

Fred's getting some fairly serious TV facetime lately with this stuff. Good for him.

[McGavin999]

Add me too Pokey, I love Fred. Thanks

[Quix]

A deceased pastor who served in France and Italy in WWII warned that France would be among the earliest to support the AntiChrist and must be watched closely. That was 35 years ago.

I think he had some insights many don't about France and the French.

Certainly their pride is akin to satan's in at least some respects. Pride goes before a fall. But then, since when did the French really care any more than the current Americans about the truths of The Bible?

[Pokey78]

Okey dokey.

[Congressman Billybob]

One of the delightful sidebar stories to the justified resentment of the French,is this: French newspapers, beginning with Paris Match, have been compelled to translate and print a classic phrase from Bart Simpson, popularized by Jonah Goldberg. It is "cheese-eating surrender monkeys."

As the saying goes, "C'est la guerre." And should we feel sorry for the French? Nah. Comme it dit en francaise, "Quelle dommage."

Congressman Billybob

Latest column, "Using the Old Noodle," not yet up on UPI, or FR.

[David1]

Thanks ;-)

[MeekMom]

Thank you Pokey

Had to send this off to family!

[HiTech RedNeck]

The Antichrist will not be a "secular" figure but a religious one.

[egarvue]

One of the delightful sidebar stories to the justified resentment of the French,is this: French newspapers, beginning with Paris Match, have been compelled to translate and print a classic phrase from Bart Simpson, popularized by Jonah Goldberg. It is "cheese-eating surrender monkeys."

"Les Primates Capitulards Toujours en Quete de Fromage"

[null and void]

One nice thing about the current situation is that the french are proving that Frogs do taste just like CHICKEN...