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New Governemt Sights for Terrorism (Censored Version)
http://www.dleepow.us/emergency.html ^

Posted on 04/03/2003 3:35:30 PM PST by Enemy Of The State

(Note: we did not create this material and its author is unknown to us. All we know is that we so approve!)

The US government has a new website, http://www.ready.gov/. It's another attempt at scare mongering in the style of the old "duck and cover" advice after WWII.

The fun thing is that these pictures are so ambiguous they could mean anything!
Here are a few interpretations:

 


If you have set yourself on fire, do not run.
 

If you spot terrorism, blow your anti-terrorism whistle. If you are Vin Diesel, yell really loud.

 


If you spot a terrorist arrow, pin it against the wall with your shoulder.

 


If you are sprayed with an unknown substance, stand and think about it instead of seeing a doctor.
 

Use your flashlight to lift the walls right off of you!
 

The proper way to eliminate smallpox is to wash with soap, water and at least one(1) armless hand.
 

Michael Jackson is a terrorist. If you spot this smooth criminal with dead, dead eyes, run the heck away.
 

Hurricanes, animal corpses and the biohazard symbol have a lot in common. Think about it.
 

Be on the lookout for terrorists with pinkeye and leprosy. Also, they tend to rub their hands together manically.
 

If a door is closed, karate chop it open.

 


If your building collapses, give yourself a bJ while waiting to be rescued.

 


Try to absorb as much of the radiation as possible with your groin region. After 5 minutes and 12 seconds, however, you may become sterile.
 

After exposure to radiation it is important to consider that you may have mutated to gigantic dimensions: watch your head.

 


If you've become a radiation mutant with a deformed hand, remember to close the window. No one wants to see that crap.
 

If you hear the Backstreet Boys, Michael Bolton or Yanni on the radio, cower in the corner or run like crazy.
 

If your lungs and stomach start talking, stand with your arms akimbo until they stop.
 

If you are trapped under falling debris, conserve oxygen by not farting.
 

If you lose a contact lens during a chemical attack, do not stop to look for it.
 

Do not drive a station wagon if a power pole is protruding from the hood.
 


A one-inch thick piece of plywood should be sufficient protection against radiation.

 

Always remember to carry food with you during a terrorist attack. At least you'll be able to enjoy a nice coke and apple before you die.

 

 


TOPICS: Political Humor/Cartoons; War on Terror
KEYWORDS: homelandsecurity; humor
Moderator: Pls. excuse my previous post of this.
1 posted on 04/03/2003 3:35:30 PM PST by Enemy Of The State
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To: Enemy Of The State
HAHAHAHAHAH!! Great!!!
2 posted on 04/03/2003 3:58:29 PM PST by IronJack
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To: IronJack
For the original version click the link below

Its hillarious!!

http://www.dleepow.us/emergency.html
3 posted on 04/03/2003 4:08:41 PM PST by Enemy Of The State
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To: Enemy Of The State
TOO friggin funny. BUMP!
4 posted on 04/03/2003 4:16:10 PM PST by Dr.Deth
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To: Enemy Of The State
A while back I saw this version on another site:


If Radiation knocks, don't answer the door...

5 posted on 04/03/2003 4:37:13 PM PST by backhoe ("Time to kick the tires & light the fires-- Let's Roll!")
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To: backhoe
ROTFL!
6 posted on 04/03/2003 4:38:42 PM PST by ladyinred
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To: ladyinred
I wish I could recall where I saw that posted- it was on another forum some months ago, and the members added titles ranging from mildly sarcastic to X-rated, but they were all knee-slappingly funny.
7 posted on 04/03/2003 4:57:21 PM PST by backhoe
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To: backhoe
hahahaha...Thats a good one!
8 posted on 04/03/2003 5:27:03 PM PST by Enemy Of The State
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To: HighRoadToChina; B4Ranch; maui_hawaii; t-shirt; Hopalong; Slyfox; Free the USA; Asclepius; ...
Laugh Ping!
9 posted on 04/03/2003 5:27:57 PM PST by Enemy Of The State
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To: Ignatz; curmudgeonII
Ping!
10 posted on 04/03/2003 5:29:45 PM PST by Enemy Of The State
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To: Enemy Of The State
ROTFLOL!
11 posted on 04/03/2003 5:33:14 PM PST by Redcloak (All work and no FReep makes Jack a dull boy. All work and no FReep make s Jack a dul boy. Allwork an)
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To: HangFire; diotima; Bob J; dead; feinswinesuksass; Mercuria; Thinkin' Gal; Senator Pardek; ...
LOL... I'm DYING over here!

12 posted on 04/03/2003 5:35:02 PM PST by AnnaZ
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To: Enemy Of The State
Yup, this is the proof that you are truly warped. I suspected it for quite a while, now we all know for sure. Honesty is the best policy. LOL
13 posted on 04/03/2003 6:15:21 PM PST by B4Ranch (Keep America safe! Thank the troops for our freedom. No slack for Iraq!)
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To: AnnaZ
Thanks for the ping! That was hysterical. My favorite:

Use your flashlight to lift the walls right off of you!

14 posted on 04/03/2003 6:17:40 PM PST by dead
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To: B4Ranch
yeah, it's pretty hard to hide from those of like mind ;) lol... Glad you got a laugh out of it.
15 posted on 04/03/2003 6:29:27 PM PST by Enemy Of The State
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To: dead
The tip they haven't hipped us to, however, is to always carry a flashlight when entering a building that may collapse. (...as I see no uses demonstrated herein for either duct tape or plastic sheeting.)

16 posted on 04/03/2003 7:13:25 PM PST by AnnaZ
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To: AnnaZ
Bwhahaha!

Bookmark BTTT;-)

Still ROTF...

17 posted on 04/03/2003 9:15:21 PM PST by HangFire
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To: AnnaZ
Hurricanes, animal corpses and the biohazard symbol have a lot in common. Think about it.

How many times have you heard me say this?

18 posted on 04/03/2003 9:17:29 PM PST by HangFire
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To: HangFire; AnnaZ
Too funny! My fave is the bust on Vin Diesel....that guy annoys me. But, you gotta love the mutant ones...."If you've become a radiation mutant with a deformed hand, remember to close the window. No one wants to see that crap." Wow.
19 posted on 04/04/2003 6:29:46 AM PST by Feiny
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To: HangFire; AnnaZ

If exposed to psychodelic gas, choke yourself until you pass out.

20 posted on 04/04/2003 6:33:40 AM PST by Feiny
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To: Enemy Of The State

When attacked by storm cloud, get on your knees & bark like a dog.

21 posted on 04/04/2003 6:38:03 AM PST by Feiny
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To: feinswinesuksass
LOL!!!
 
(What the heck're you doing up so early?!!)

22 posted on 04/04/2003 8:56:29 AM PST by AnnaZ
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To: HangFire
How many times have you heard me say this?
Just think... from now on all you'll have to do is flash a card at me. The government is here to help.

23 posted on 04/04/2003 8:58:31 AM PST by AnnaZ
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To: Enemy Of The State
Those are hilarious but sad to see that site is so anti-Bush.
24 posted on 04/04/2003 9:10:09 AM PST by mtbopfuyn
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To: AnnaZ
hahahaha been up since 5:20 can't sleep must freep
25 posted on 04/04/2003 2:56:31 PM PST by Feiny
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To: feinswinesuksass
"If you've become a radiation mutant with a deformed hand, remember to close the window. No one wants to see that crap."

Still LOL;-)

26 posted on 04/04/2003 4:44:38 PM PST by HangFire
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