Posted on 05/02/2003 12:36:42 PM PDT by Sir Gawain
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Hi everyone. It's me, Jay Jackson-Johnson, Broken Newz' resident liberal and sane voice of reason among all of these radical right-wing extremists. Well, the response to my column has been overwhelming. You've just been inundating me with letters and all sorts of nurturing comments. I'll answer all of your questions in my column, but you'll have to be patient. It may take a week or two. Please keep sending those letters to AskALiberal@brokennewz.com. OK, everyone, take a deep breath, recite your mantra, and get in touch with your feelings. Dear Jay, What goes through your mind when you are demonstrating and cops try to stop you? Say you are beating some helpless right-wing fascist and the cops try to stop you with evil violence... Also, why do you guys hate oil so much? Don't y'all use it in spiritual observances and such? Daniel Newell Dear Daniel, Whenever I'm demonstrating I always think of those poor Palestinian suicide bombers and their families. How horrible it is that those meanie Israelis force those nice Palestinians to blow themselves up. And as far as right-wing fascists go, none of them are "innocent" as you so quaintly put it. Just look at that beastly Trent Lott! Now, concerning oil, we liberals don't hate oil; we hate the people who use oil. And heavens no, we reformed Buddhists do not use oil in our spiritual observances. We use recyclable essence of yak bladder. Hey Ask A Liberal, What do you think about this Niger/Iraq Deal for uranium ore to use in Iraq's nuclear program? The Bush Administration made mention of the deal repeatedly in the past and now according to some UN weapons inspectors, the reports the US and UK had were forgeries. Since I am a believer in my government first and foremost, I cannot accept the word of people that couldn't find a haystack inside a needle. Also, a French company headed up the mining operations in Niger. Oh yes, let's trust the French to tell the truth! Yea right! Your Conservative Friend,
Dear Philip, First of all, "Hey" is for horses. I think you need to be "re-educated." And we do not use the "N" word in this column. I don't know about people in Tennessee, but in San Francisco (the "real" America) we believe that the word "Niger" is very offensive to African-Americans. And of course, the documents that the US and UK had were forgeries. Iraq is in the Third World and people from the Third World never lie. If Saddam says there aren't any weapons of mass destruction that's good enough for me. And stop saying nasty things about the French. The French are opposed to the powers of colonialism, like McDonald's. Dear Ask A Liberal, Sincerely, Hank Sauls, Citizen-At-Large Dear Hank, Alas, Hank, you are right. The extreme right-wing never plays fair. They control the Presidency, the Congress, the Supreme Court and they take their marching orders from the Tri-Lateral Commission and the Elders of Zion. I'm not surprised that the arch-war criminal Bush has hired a hit squad to assassinate you. My life partner, Krishna Running Water, and I live under constant threat of being killed by the Delta Force and by agents of the Mossad. And all the right-wing nuts out there own at least 26 guns apiece. All we liberals have is the purity of our convictions to protect us…. Oh, no, it's Henry Kissinger! He's at my front door with Green Beret assassins. Help!!!!!!!!………………
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LOL
You're out taking wildlife photos and you see Hillary Clinton fall in the swift-moving river. Next to you is an inner tube and a rope, but you only have time for one thing.
The question is - what f-stop do you use?
Well, hi Mr. Ed, LOL.
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