Failure to Find Saddam Proves He Never Existed

Scrappleface.com ^ | 5/3/03 | Scott Ott

[South40]

-- Six weeks after the invasion of Iraq, Pentagon officials are quietly beginning to acknowledge that their failure to find Saddam Hussein may be proof that the Iraqi leader never existed.

"We hate to admit it," said one unnamed official, "One of our main reasons for going in there was regime change. You know...overthrow a brutal dictator who tortured his own people. But at this point, we're not sure there ever was a Saddam Hussein. After all, if we don't have him dead or alive...who's to say?"

The military official said that the statues, murals and videos of Saddam Hussein are "circumstantial evidence which don't prove anything."

"I try to look on the bright side," he added. "Maybe we'll luck out and find a few chemical weapons so the war won't have been a total waste."

Experts agree that evidence of actual atrocities against Iraqis lacks the news value that potential atrocities against Westerners would have.

[South40]

Makes sense to me.

[Sloth]

LOL... awesome.

[EternalVigilance]

Hehehehe...

[buffyt]

Oh, man, this is RICH! I LOVE it. It sure does make a point doesn't it! Great come back for the Leftists when they say we didn't find any WMD so there never were any...we now have a great come back! LOL

You made my day, week, month, year!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ROTFLMAO... no wait My A is still there, oh darn!

[Excuse_My_Bellicosity]

This is great. It's a parody, but it's right on the mark.

To the same tune, I think it's pretty ironic that the liberal news networks are harping on the fact that looters have ransacked several nuclear facilities in Iraq and stole dangerous nuclear materials. Then, in the next story, they turn right around and make fun of Bush and our military for not finding WMD yet, probably because there isn't any. I have one question for these skiffy networks: IF IRAQ DOESN'T HAVE ANY WMD, THEN WHY THE HELL DO THEY HAVE NUCLEAR FACILITIES?

[StriperSniper]

I hope James Taranto picks up on this one for "The Best of the Web" on Monday.

[South40]

Glad you liked it B.

Check out the site; it's a good one.

-SoFo

[nicmarlo]

But, we were never in Iraq....those statues are all illusions!

[South40]

But, we were never in Iraq....those statues are all illusions!

True...

They were probably created in "conservative" Hollywood.

[NoControllingLegalAuthority]

I read somewhere, with the passage of time, not only will people question whether Elvis died but whether he really ever lived. Elvis and Saddam will join Paul Bunyon and Pecos Bill as myths and legends.

(I can't confirm Elvis ever lived. I never saw him.)

[nicmarlo]

They were probably created in "conservative" Hollywood.

Yes, and Scott Ritter was the Director. : )

[chainsaw]

I think they had better excavate that underground bunker they hit the first night. Who knows, naybe Elvis will appear.

[South40]

Pecos Bill is a myth?

[tubebender]

Scrappleface.com ^ | 5/3/03 | Scott Ott Baghdad Bob...

[Farnham]

Only if your from the East.

Otherwise, he's a Whopper - which every Texan knows are all true.

[csmusaret]

I guess this means there is hope for Scot Peterson afterall.

[NoControllingLegalAuthority]

While I can't yet confirm or deny the existence of Pecos Bill. I can report there are teams on the ground, in Texas, right now, attempting to find hard evidence of his legendary "Perpetual Motion Ranch," and searching for his(very large)smoking gun.

[sheilah]

Me too. If you can't find it. It does not exist. sheilah

[talleyman]

Oh no! What if the same logic were applied to Daschle's patriotism, the Left's support for our troops, the Demorats' integrity, Hillary's concern for children, NOW's concern for women, Jesse Jackson's non-profit status, the NY Slimes' objectivity in news reporting - most of the known universe would vanish!

"What you hear is a giant sucking sound..."