Posted on 05/31/2003 2:42:54 PM PDT by sourcery
WHERE did THAT come from? I have read the entire thread to this point and all I see are a number of people discussing overlapping issues framed through their own perceptions and doubtless based in their own experiences. I don't see any man-haters; just a lot of frustrated people who care.
Its really tough right now. BTW, I used to play golf alot. I play about 5 times a year now, nothing to write home about. At one point, I was playing in the low 80's. Those days are long gone. Fishing is my other outlet, but the weather has sucked here in Jersey, making things even more strained. Thanks agaon....GG
That seems to be the consensus. After swallowing life for so long, 3 more years seems like an eternity. I know your advice is what is best. I just hope I have the strength to follow it. Thanks again for your input, as I know its the right thing to do...
Are you joking or are you trying to be obnoxious?
It is not my business, but why do you want to write anything at this moment? What do you expect to achieve?
The KNOWN possible outcome of sex is a child. Anyone not ready to accept that responsibility should refrain from having sex - PERIOD.
If a man father's a child, in or out of wedlock, he is 50% responsible for bringing that child into the world, thus 50% of the responsibility is his. I don't care if the guy is unemployed or a multi-millionare. He still has that responsibility.
Now, I will not argue with the fact that the system in place to supposedly collect child support "for the children" is extremely flawed. A local woman who is divorced received a check from the State of Arkansas for a wopping 64 cents for that month's child support! In her case, the father really is a deadbeat. He was a slimeball when they were together (her fault for picking the ex-husband as a sperm-donor) and has proven himself to be nothing better since that time. Yet he can make these minimal payments to the state child support office each month and it keeps them from garnishing his wages. This is called a corrupt system.
My stepfather was once severely behind on his child support to his ex wife. She was an extremely abusive woman (once actually striking my step-father in the head with a meat tenderizer hammer - causing lovely injuries). Yet the idiot courts at that time (nearly 30 years ago) placed the children in the mother's custody. The ex-wife then proceeded on a personal defamation mission - causing my step-father to loose several jobs. He had very good grounds for a lawsuit against her, but wanted to do what was right for the kids. Unfortunately his reputation was rapidly being eroded. He finally moved out of state to try to get away from the harassing phone calls from this woman (He kept answering machine tapes that I have heard - she was obviously a raving lunatic). She would track him down and then call his employer and harass them. Eventually he would loose another job - thus the income required to make child support payments. After his 3rd move - this time to Arkansas, the ex-wife finally lost contact for a few years. In that time, he had quit making his child support payments. The youngest child was the only one still young enough to receive the payments, but he didn't want to contact his ex-wife because he knew she would start her campaign against him yet again.
Michigan Child Support Enforcement finally tracked him down a few years later - garnishing his wages until he had paid an enormous "back support" bill. Much of the bill was not even backed up by the original support order. They also had charged him interest on the support payments in arears. The hounding of Michigan's support enforcement nearly cost him another job, even though the payments were being made. It finally took the actions of a good attorney to call the dogs off.
And guess what - after the dust cleared (and he has a very good relationship with one of his daughters) he discovered that the children never saw a single penny of all the money sent to them. In fact, the mother continued to lie to them telling them even in adulthood that he never paid a penny. The children never received the Birthday, Christmas, Easter, etc. cards and gifts sent. They received nothing.
I have often disagreed with my Step-Father over the 16 years I have known him, but he has always been very honest and to-the-point. His life was devastated by the child support system over and over (as well as by the ex-wife).
You know what? Regardless of the situation, he did marry that other wife. He did choose to father chidren with the woman. He WAS responsible for supporting those children.
My primary beef with the child suport system - support amounts are often set arbitrarily with no real consideration (or flexibility) to the real-world variations in income. In a family setting, a father's income is subject to the same risks. Yet suddenly when divorced (or never married to begin with) the same exact level of child suport is demanded, regardless of the circumstances. Should allowences be made when the father looses his job? How about if he is disabled? The answer is yes. Unfortunately, many child support systems do not take such circumstances into consideration. Another obstacle - those worst of times, when the father is out of work or disabled, he doesn't have the financial resources to hire a lawyer to even try to get the child support adjusted. Thus the father winds up owing back support, often with major interest added as well as fines.
I hope this post has made some sense - I am up past my bed time and I am exhausted. Maybe I will revisit this thread tomorrow when I have had a bit of rest. Goodnight all.
Nonsense. All one has to do is "pick carefully" ? To continue with the metaphor, ever heard of the wolf in sheep's clothing? I married her.
All fertile persons have a sacred obligation to the children they might have, to choose the other parent with all due care.
Oh, I believe I have a sacred obligation to my children. Too bad the courts don't see it that way. To them, I'm a walking wallet. They garnish my wages like a criminal and they charge me $35/month for the privilege. And what accounting does mom have? None. She gets that money tax-free, can spend it on whatever and whomever she chooses. Oh, but dads are dead-beats, right?
The "family court" system is so stacked against fathers, it's sickening. You have zero idea what it is like. The courts start with 100% custody for mom and work back from there. How is that fair? Where are my rights to equal protection under the law?
I do however believe since men have the most to lose, financially, they ought to be more careful than they are.
Financially? perhaps. Emotionally, absolutely. Never again will I be able to read to my children every night. To lie on their beds and talk about all the things they did that day or allay their fears. I come home to an empty house and empty rooms. Because one person decided that breaking up the family was in her own best interest. And the anti-father courts made it all nice-n-legal.
You know, the trouble with women like you is that men can do no right. We're either twirling our moustaches and tying women to the railroad tracks or too stupid to know that we've married a betraying b_tch.
This was my exact situation. My children were/all that mattered. So I stayed through the emotional affairs and the marriage counseling. In the end, she admitted that if weren't for the fact that she would get custody, she wouldn't have bailed on the marriage. My children are devastated, particularly my 11y/o daughter. We are soul-mates.
All I can tell you is, hang in there, brother. Divorce sucks. With kids, it's awful. However, your son can request to live with you. Get a good attorney. Don't be swayed by big ads in the yellow pages. Go to Martindale Hubbell online and look for one that specializes in divorce/custody.
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