Posted on 06/12/2003 8:23:48 AM PDT by bedolido
1. We can make the dogs eat vegetarian burghers, compost the trash, effectively argue for tax hikes with our Fascist neighbors, and slip a little weed into the brownies for the Hillary For President party, all without missing a single minute of C-Span.
2. We realize the evil of the Patriarchy and its affect on innocent children. And we can see through your relatives' Republican blather in a heartbeat.
3. We not only chase away bad dreams, we remember all the psychedelically inspired dreams from college and weave them into quilts and dresses (and bring them to the Multicultural Festival at the middle school) (and all this without the guilt and shame that all too often encumbrances more conservative relationships).
4. We realize what a gift from the Goddess we really are. (and you won't forget it)!
5. We know better than to actually come out and say "no" to an impressionable child.
6. We're not hung up on middle class standards of morality and cleanliness (in fact, you can often spot us naked in the backyard).
7. You won't see our sons playing with toy guns.
8. We know it's better to switch life partners every four or five years or so than to have loved and lost, or to never have loved at all ... or something like that (don't you think this thing we call "love" is pathological anyway)?
9. We have moved beyond negotiation, and are now expert facilitators.
10. We are offended by corporate, not household dirt.
11. We can sweet talk dragons and slay environmental offenses.
12. We'll pick your battles for you (and make you fight them)! (ditto for your kids).
13. We love Saturday morning feminist/environmentalist whacko cartoons.
14. We only tolerate temper tantrums by female Democrat politicians.
15. We'll let any politician embarrass you as long as she or he is pro-choice.
16. We know the value of non-patriarchal, nonsexist, nonwestern toys.
17. We know how to make you like tofu hot dogs.
18. In fact, we can turn you into a total vegetarian any time we want to.
19. We're good at all the guilt trips that make you want to use our dirty bath water.
20. We not only know that our house and neighborhood is full of messes, we know it's the government's job to clean them all up.
21. If that fails, we can make you feel guilty enough that you'll clean them up.
22. We can make you believe it's your duty to be in two or three places at the same time (doing what we want you to do).
23. We've already aborted one tissue mass, so what's two or three more (especially when the government is paying for it)?
24. We're aware of the true dangers of commitment.
25. We are the scourge of the bigots in the neighborhood and at school.
26. We have the depth to appreciate -- anytime, anywhere -- the anguish and loneliness of the street, the circus, and the cafe dansant (and we can convince you of your inferiority in the whole matter).
27. We can make you too embarrassed to ask what a cafe dansant is.
28. We are everyday morality artists (especially when it's our turn to do the dishes).
29. We know an infinite number of recipes for soy frittatas and bulgur pancakes (and as many reasons why you should eat them).
30. We know all the local business people who should be in Multicultural Therapy (and how to get them there).
3l. We're wise to all the problematic myths and hatreds that rule lives of the people on your side of the family (and we're not shy about letting them know it).
32. Be assured that we can spot hatred and bigotry when we see it (and we know what you're going to do about it).
33. No one's watching men's sports in this house (Chuck Norris is out too)!
34. We (aggressively) shed the radiance of the practice of the siblinghood of all beings wherever we go.
35. We know how important it is for our in-laws' children to see us both practicing diversity and dissing intolerance.
36. If you're open-minded enough, we'll bring a lot of very bright people into your home (but you have to really want it).
37. We'll plaster your car with, "Turn off your TV, turn on life" bumper stickers.
38. You'll never miss another Daffodil Festival!
39. We'll let you know if you or your children are being rigid in the presence of liberated human beings.
40. We'll help you opt out of the patriarchy (real fast)!
41. Well, ... duh!
42. Quality quality time. Hello?
43. We're not afraid of consenting adults or ... or ... whatever it is that conservatives are so uptight about these days.
44. You and your children really do need and deserve more guilt in your lives.
45. You'll find no repression here.
46. We, of course, know that there is more than one way to walk the labyrinth.
47. There is no ketchup in our refrigerators.
burgh·er Pronunciation Key (bûrgr)
n.
1.A citizen of a town or borough.
2.A comfortable or complacent member of the middle class.
3.
a.A member of the mercantile class of a medieval European city.
b.A citizen of a medieval European city.
I nominate this piece for the FR "Put A Bullet In Your Head" Award.
Snidely
Forcing people to pay higher taxes is not Fascist? How do you "effectively argue" for tax increases? Why not set up another "Tax Me More" fund and have it voluntary.
Those are fightin' words! ;)
No, you're supposed to burn them in a barrell. lol
Hmmmm. ..interesting. Doesn't this raise the question in the mind of Mr. Lefty's child when he sees Leftist grown-ups "dissing" (liberal Jerry Springer word) conservatives and refusing to include them in his "diversity" application?
[innocent child's voice]...
"Mommy, Daddy -- why do you froth at the mouth when you see a liberty-loving American?"
Hmmmm. ..interesting. Doesn't this raise the question in the mind of Mr. Lefty's child when he sees Leftist grown-ups "dissing" (liberal Jerry Springer word) conservatives and refusing to include them in his "diversity" application?
[innocent child's voice]...
"Mommy, Daddy -- why do you froth at the mouth when you see a liberty-loving American?"
That one reminds me. Today while working in the antique mall, a man brought his 6ish little boy in. While Mom was looking at art glass, he took the boy by the hand and said, "Come on Carter, you and I are going to look for manly things like tools and guns!" He was obviously not of the liberal persuasion!
No, but there is a line in the canine platform that says dogs all have to eat meat and take a dump in the leaves.
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