Urban Possum Varmit...Freeper needs advice on how to get rid of possum living under porch.

8/9/03 | self

[Lancey Howard]

Without reading all the posts so far, here is how to get rid of the possum:

1) Dump used cat litter where you believe the animal lives. This will cause it to vacate.

2) Dump a bunch of Wrigley chewing gum where you believe the animal lives. This will kill it.

[jjbrouwer]

How can you tell if a redneck is married? There are tobacco spit stains on both sides of his pickup truck.

[Mad Dawgg]

"Urban Possum Varmit...Freeper needs advice on how to get rid of possum living under porch.

Set the porch on fire!

[Tijeras_Slim]

Never bring a racoon to a knife fight.

I've had bad luck even on ground squirrels with CB stuff. Now I just blaze away with Long Rifle ammo. The new neighbor asked, "Did you hear shooting?", I said "Yeah, I did."

[Lowcountry]

We had a possum in our garage that got so bold as to start waiting at our door for us to bring down the cat food. I got him treed one night next to our porch and told my son to go his new Daisy BB gun. It was his first time shooting something besides a paper target. My son must have shot that critter at least 50 times from 10 feet(You have never seen such a sadistic grin!!)

Anyway, that didn't phase the fat rat. I got my next door neighbor to come over with his 44 pistol. Shot the booger twice from the roof before he started to climb down the tree. By the time we got to the ground he was just walking off. Instead of shooting him again I took a baseball to his head with two tremendous blows before he went stiff.

When I came out the next morning, he was gone. The next week a neighbor down the street told me that he had just seen a possum limping badly near the woods. All I'm saying is that those animals are just about indestructable and they really do play possum. Oh, one more thing - they are uglier than Hillary!!!!

[oceanperch]

LOL His tagline sported for quite awhile that he had on up his pant leg.

......I am the last to get jokes ect.. and I still wonder what he meant by that....like getting a tune stuck in your mind I ponder that tag line everytime I see or hear the word Armidello(sp).

[Overtaxed]

I called animal control but the lady who came out did not know anything and nearly fell through my ceiling. Don't call them.

It's agin our code to call animal control. Among the Havahart, pellet gun, 12, and 22, we kin usually take care of our critter problems.

[chuckwalla]

Call Janet Reno. She is looking for work.

[Tuscaloosa Goldfinch]

Well, thank goodness, that rules me out as a redneck! LOL

[wardaddy]

I'll ask for that at Freidmans. I guess it would work ok in a Colt Cowboy wheelgun.

[Tuscaloosa Goldfinch]

I am slow at that as well. Maybe he'll tell us what he meant?? :-)

[Willie Green]

Here is the formula for getting rid of possums:

That only works south of the Mason-Dixon line.
Imagine lives in Connecticut,
ya gotta convert to metric by multiplying "x" by pi and subtracting 32.

[Tuscaloosa Goldfinch]

gotta run!

[wardaddy]

I have the scars on my hand from an encounter with one some years back....fortunately, I had a Bowie knife in the other hand. They will chew you up.

Worse animals that look sweet but will gnaw you up are beaver. I had a friend blow a dam and went over and grabbed up one he thought was dead in the water and it latched on to him....over 100 stitches later...he shook it off.

My "fight" was with a boar coon who was fearless and he and his pack were tearing screens off my houseboat at night and creating mayhem...no fear of humans. He had already hissed at me so the next time I took my knife.

The rest his history. He gnawed me and I cleaved him. End of story. I was lucky, he was not.

I don't mind coons if they stay outta my garbage cans or home. Some are so brazen, they'll walk right in if you leave the door open.

I live in suburban Nashville in the hills. We have coons, possums, deer, bobcats, and coyotes everywhere. Deer say hello to me when I go to get in my car in the morning as they are nibbling breakfast off some tree or bush....little do they realize how lucky they are I'm not a neighborhood bowhunter.

[Maigrey]

Would that work for a 'coon? My mom's got one in her attic.

[wardaddy]

I sort of figured leaving him alive period was altruistic enough.

[jigsaw]

Tell the critter that the Dems are meeting under your neighbor's porch.
He'll leave.

[Squantos]

ROTFLMAO............yeah I did ! I plan on moving far enough away from neighbors to use a barrett 82A1 if need be.Stay Safe Slim !! (BTW is it hot over there ?.....104 here yesterday)

[F.J. Mitchell]

Too bad. Three years is going to seem like an aternity for an eleven year old. Wonder if they met at a family reunion?

LOL! Nice tooth, huh.

You're not a Foxworthy fan, are you?

[Ursus arctos horribilis]

Catch it, (they are easily caught, stomp your foot and they will faint dead away into playing possum) then put it under a #2 wash tub for a week, feed only fresh veggies and clean water. Thump it in the head with a hammer, then gut and skin. Fix it with sweet taters and carrots as a roast, ummnn good. Am I series? Are grits groceries?