Humor Break! California Recall is held early!

Grudge Match ^ | 24 Aug 03 | Grudge March staff

[Mr. Silverback]

The Scenario

"I'm sorry, sir, but you've been disqualified from the recall ballot."

Cruz Bustamante, Lieutenant Governor of California, stares in disbelief across his desk at the Secretary of State of California, Kevin Shelley. "Impossible! How?"

"You're not alone. Most of the slate has been disqualified. One of our interns discovered a forgotten proviso in California's recall election laws."

Shelley hands over a manila folder. Bustamante reads inside, with deepening wrinkles on his brow. "… candidate must be a recognized figure in the entertainment media, including motion pictures, television, publishing …" He turns a page, then snaps the folder shut. "When did this pass?"

"1971 or '72, sir, under Governor—"

"Reagan," Bustamante shrugs. "Figures. Okay, if I'm out, who's still in?"

"Under all of the requirements listed, we're down to five nominees." Shelley produces a sheet. "We have Arnold Schwarzenegger, Gary Coleman, Leo Gallagher—"

"Huh? Oh, the watermelon guy. Go on."

"Larry Flynt and Don Novello."

"Don who?" Bustamante says.

"You know him. The guy who plays Father Guido Sarducci. He—"

They both get the same look in their eyes and shake their heads. "Separation of church and state," they say in unison. Shelley borrows a pen from Bustamante, and crosses out the fifth name.

"So that's four candidates left." Shelley tries to smile. "The good news is, the ballots will cost a whole lot less to print."

Bustamante is unimpressed. "And the bad news is, instead of becoming Governor, I could have one of these guys as my boss in two months."

"Well, look on the bright side. If you're looking for career opportunities in movies, TV, live comedy, or pornography, some positions have just opened up."

So which pop-culture personality produces a political plurality?

Arnold Schwarzenegger
vs.
Gallagher
vs.
Gary Coleman
vs.
Larry Flynt

[Mr. Silverback]

Yo can go here to vote and for additional commentary by Paul "Grand Poobah" Golba, Dave "Half" Nelson, Mark "Izzy Dazzlin" Wentz and Hugo award nominee Shane "CallMeShane" Tourtelotte. There is an option for "Geez, even Gray Davis is better than these jokers", and the vote totals when I voted were: Arnold Schwarzenegger:714, Gallagher:158, Gary Coleman:160, Larry Flynt:111,and Gray Davis:246 votes. The final results will be posted on September 8th.

If you're sitting there wondering, "What the heck is Grudge Match?" go here for a brief explanation.

[Mr. Silverback]

Please consider pinging your lists for a little fun. Heck, make that a lot of fun!

[Mr. Silverback]

Forgive the "abuse" of the ping list, but I figured y'all wouldn't want to miss a chance to vote in the California Recall.

If you want on or off the weekly Useful Idiot Caption-A-Rama Ping List, please notify me here or by freepmail.

[Sloth]

[Mr. Silverback]

That's a big LOL, good buddy!

[DoctorZIn]

PING!

Your One Stop Resource For All The California Recall News!

Want on our daily or major news ping lists? Freepmail DoctorZin.

[Dubya]

LOl.

[facedown]

He's got my vote:

The anti-watermellon guy.

[Mr. Silverback]

I voted for Gary, but if it came to a real fight, you'd have to go with Gallagher. He's way better armed!

[Johnny Gage]

umm.. wouldn't the porn starlet Mary Carey be included in that lust... er, I mean LIST.

[Eaker]

Did they forget Mary Carey???

[humblegunner]

Separated at birth:

Larry & Jabba.. equally qualified as candidates.

[Mr. Silverback]

Yeah, I thought of that, too.

[Mr. Silverback]

The anti-watermellon guy.

Just thought of something--May I surmise that your dream presidential ticket for 2008 is R. Lee Ermey and Gallagher?

[Mr. Silverback]

Did they forget Mary Carey???

umm.. wouldn't the porn starlet Mary Carey be included in that lust... er, I mean LIST.

After some discrete digging, I discovered that she agreed to "go on a date" with any Grudge Match commentator that voted (at the planning meeting in the Grudge Tower boardroom) to leave her out of this match, which she described as "mondo icky." The vote was unanimous.

Good thing I no longer do match commentaries, I think my wife would be unhappy.

[facedown]

May I surmise that your dream presidential ticket for 2008 is R. Lee Ermey and Gallagher?

It would make for some interesting press conferences!