HUMOR BREAK: Two Cows (very funny, with great anti-Hillary joke at end)

"Two Cow" Political Definitions ^ | 10/8/03 | Author unknown

[Wolfstar]

DEMOCRAT
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
You feel guilty for being successful.
Barbara Streisand sings for you.

REPUBLICAN
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
So?

SOCIALIST
You have two cows.
The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.

COMMUNIST
You have two cows.
The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
You wait in line for hours to get it.
It is expensive and sour.

CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.
You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.
The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government.

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.
The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, and then pours the milk down the drain.

AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one.
You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead.
You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have down sized and are reducing expenses. Your stock goes up.

FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.
You go to lunch and drink wine.
Life is good.

JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.
Most are at the top of their class at cow school.

GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour. Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.

ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows but you don't know where they are.
While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.
You break for lunch.
Life is good.

RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have some vodka.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You have some more vodka.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.

TALIBAN CORPORATION
You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two.
You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private parts.
Then you kill them and claim a US bomb blew them up while they were in the hospital.

IRAQI CORPORATION
You have two cows.
They go into hiding.
They send radio tapes of their mooing.

POLISH CORPORATION
You have two bulls.
Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.

FLORIDA CORPORATION
You have a black cow and a brown cow.
Everyone votes for the best looking one.
Some of the people who like the brown one best, vote for the black one.
Some people vote for both.
Some people vote for neither.
Some people can't figure out how to vote at all.
Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which is the best looking cow.

NEW YORK CORPORATION
You have 15 million cows.
You have to choose which one will be the leader of the herd, so you pick some fat cow from Arkansas

[Wolfstar]

This is a fresh and funny take on the "Two Cow" political definitions and jokes. I especially like the Hillary Clinton joke at the end.

[Support Free Republic]

Don't Let Liberals Get Your Goat
	Do your part for the Best Conservative Site on the Web Or mail checks to FreeRepublic , LLC PO BOX 9771 FRESNO, CA 93794 or you can use PayPal at Jimrob@psnw.com
STOP BY AND BUMP THE FUNDRAISER THREAD- It is in the breaking news sidebar!

[ovrtaxt]

I was getting a little upset at the Florida thing until I got to NY. hehhehe!

[Born Conservative]

Bump for later reading...

[SF Republican]

How come every time I look at that cow I see Chealsey Clinton?

[Quilla]

Cause she looks like a goat?

[theDentist]

FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.
A German walks by.
You surrender your cows to him.

[chuknospam]

LOL Btt

[RightWingMama]

Very funny!!

[Wolfstar]

Hehehehehe....

[dis.kevin]

Bump for later

[HeadOn]

Nicely done. I think I like yours better....

[struwwelpeter]

A vodka joke without the cows.

A Russian business plan: steal a case of vodka. Go get drunk.

Belarus business plan: steal a case of vodka, sell it, and use the money to buy potatoes to make samogonka. Go get drunk.

Ukrainian business plan: steal a case of vodka, sell it, and use the money to buy vodka. Go get drunk.

Polish business plan: go buy a better padlock on the vodka locker.

[b9]

udderly wunnerful ;o)

[EdReform]

Ping!

[Bon mots]

How come every time I look at that cow I see Chelsey Clinton?

By the way, that "cow" is actually a goat.
But so is Chelsea I think...

[joesnuffy]

Canadian Corperation
You have two cows
you wanted to trade them to a buddy for two cases of Molsens
You just had to try to teach them to play Hockey first
But their CCM skates fell apart
& One cow got injured and waited for days in the Ministry of Health Care and finally died
The other cow starved to death in the waiting room waiting for the first cow to get treated
So you said ah what the hell and traded the two dead cows to your buddy for two cases of Molsens
Its cold out...(nothing new) but you dont care cause on your pension you stay in a crowded Miami apartment for the winter and watch hockey on the TeeVee
And are in no real hurry to get back until it gets too dang hot in Miami

[Wolfstar]

Great joke. I love this kind of wry sense of humor.

[Wolfstar]

No happy cows up in red leaf land.