Posted on 08/29/2007 8:04:23 AM PDT by Alex Murphy
One morning a man came into the church on crutches. He stopped in front of the holy water, put some on both legs, and then threw away his crutches.An altar boy witnessed the scene and then ran into the rectory to tell the priest what he’d just seen.
“Son, you’ve just witnessed a miracle!” the priest said. “Tell me where is this man now?”
“Flat on his fanny over by the holy water!” the boy informed him.
You’d like this one:
Why do Presbyterians smile when there’s lightning? Because they think God’s taking their picture for his needle-point photo album!
I was raised Methodist; now I’m Presbyterian. Why the shift? I guess it was predestined. .
Three fellows have just died and are at the pearly gates. St. Peter tells them that they can enter if they can answer one simple question: “What is Easter?”
The Jewish man replies, “Oh, that’s easy, it’s the holiday in November when everyone gets together, eats turkey, and is thankful...”
“WRONG,” replies St. Peter, and proceeds to ask the second man the same question, “What is Easter?”
The Methodist replies, “Easter is the holiday in December when we put up a nice tree, exchange presents, and celebrate the birth of Jesus.”
St. Peter looks at the second man, shakes his head in disgust, looks at the Presbyterian and asks, “What is Easter?”
“I know what Easter is. Easter is the Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish celebration of Passover. Three days later - Easter - Jesus comes out of the tomb...and if he sees his shadow there will be 6 more weeks of winter.”
Good humor.
(But the theme was holy water.)
Why don’t protestants have holy water?
A protestant moved into a completly Catholic comunity. Being good Catholics they welcomed him to their comunity. But, also because they were good Catholics they did not eat red meat on Fridays. So, when their neighbor, receiving his
paycheck on Fridays, began barbequuing some juicy stake, they began to squirm.
They were so anoyed that they went to talk to him about it. After much talk they conviced him to become Catholic. The next Sunday he went to the priest and the priest sprinkled holy water on him and said :
You were born Protestant -
You were raised Protestant -
But now you are Catholic.
And so, the next Friday, the neighbors sat down to eat fish and were disturbed by the smell of roast beef from the neighboring house. They went over to talk to the new Catholic because he new he was not supposed to eat beef on Fridays. When they saw him, he was sprinlking catchup on the beef saying :
You were born a cow -
You were raised a cow -
But now you are fish.
I have found a reputable distributer of Lourdes Holy Water, who are a charitable organisation providing Lourdes water and souvenirs far cheaper than all the other websites out there, this was the website:
www.directfromlourdes.com
I was very happy with their service and they even lit some candles for me at the grotto and sent me some free gifts with my order.
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