Posted on 12/16/2007 7:39:55 AM PST by 2ndDivisionVet
1) 50 Cent was hired to rap the sermon and give the service “street cred.”
2) When a recent visitor asked about advent services, a confused volunteer gave her directions to the nearest pharmacy.
3) Thanks to a new title sponsor, the service was renamed “The Starbucks Christmas Eve Extravaganza at Springfield Community Church”
4) Hannah Montana offered to sing in the service but was told she is “too over the hill.”
5) The sign language translator was sacked and replaced by someone who instant messages the sermon text to the PDAs of the hearing impaired.
6) The entire Christmas Eve service was sacked in favor of an American Idol-style contest to determine who will sing in the ensemble next year.
7) The lyrics to “Hark, the Herald Angels Sing” were changed to “Yo, the Bling Wings Sing.”
8) Someone on the programming team suggested scheduling breaks in the service every 10 minutes so people can update their blogs. The idea was shot down by another team member saying “Who wants to wait 10 minutes? Plus I can Twitter from my iPhone during the sermon.”
9) Discussion groups were organized to take place in the church’s coffee bar after the service. Topics include “Immaculate Conception: God’s Endorsement of In Vitro Fertilization?” and “Is God sexist for not sending wise women or is the Bible sexist for not mentioning them?”
10) While shaking the senior pastor’s hand after the service, a member of 3 years exclaimed, “Dude! So, you’re the dude who does the sermons I listen to on my iPod. Nice to meet you.”
11) Correction, that wasn’t the senior pastor shaking hands it was a holographic projection of him transmitted from the church’s other campus.
12) This year’s Christmas Eve service is being held in rented facilities thanks to the pyrotechnics display in last year’s Christmas eve service.
13. Blunts in the basement.
LOL This is hilarious but sadly not all that far from reality
And it always seems the worse the musician, the longer the songs.
“And it always seems the worse the musician, the longer the songs.”
I must sincerely disagree. That should read: ‘And it always seems the worse the musician, the louder the songs.”
There I think that takes care of it.
I accept your brillant observation.
so mry & j r lookin for a in but THERE ALL FULL so mry sez OMG teh bebes comin!!1! & j gos OMG NFW!! & they end up in the brn! eeeeee3w!1!!
Well, Rick Warren was right about that part, at least (the words on the Starbuck’s cup). If people quit obsessing on themselves at whatever particular moment they’re in, and focused on God and their life in Christ, they’d be a heck of a lot better off and the world would also be much better off.
But the problem is that churches are not sure of this message. They think they need to “lure” people, but all they need to do is preach the truth, and the Truth will lure people as it has for 2,000 years.
Any organ which CAN be moved into a dark corner SHOULD be moved into a dark corner. Huge pipe organs are awesome. Chintzy 1970s-era synthesizers are disgustings. I’d rather hear a kazoo and a banjo at mass performing Latin hymns. Burn the organ, smash the drums, put away the guitar and get a piano.
Nice recapping of the nativity story. NFW indeed.
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