Posted on 02/12/2010 10:29:38 AM PST by NYer
An important but often unacknowledged angle of the abortion debate involves the serious effects that legalized abortion has on men.
A recent scandal surrounding John Edwards, former North Carolina Senator and U.S. presidential candidate, brought this issue into plain view. Mr. Edwards publicly acknowledged an extramarital affair with Rielle Hunter in the summer of 2008, a few months after pulling out of the presidential race. Even after admitting to the affair, however, he continued to deny having fathered Ms. Hunter’s daughter, Quinn, until January of 2010 when he finally admitted that he was, in fact, her father.
A former aide to Mr. Edwards has just published a tell-all book describing how Mr. Edwards tried to coerce Ms. Hunter to get an abortion. Commentator Jill Stanek analyzed the situation this way: “Fortunately, Hunter resisted this all too typical coercive attempt by a sexually exploitative and irresponsible man to abort his own baby. Of course Edwards is a pro-abort, which as we see is incredibly self-serving for men. Edwards was ready to sacrifice his own baby for political and personal expediency.”
Mr. Edward’s extramarital activities remind us how legalized abortion has the clear and pronounced effect of supporting sexual infidelity, providing “cover” and encouraging men to become less responsible and accountable for their personal choices. It enables men to justify and get away with sexual license.
Abortion hurts men in other, more direct ways as well. The fact that upwards of 3000 abortions occur each day in the U.S. implies the obvious corollary that about 3000 men lose a son or daughter each day to abortion. Some of these men may have encouraged or pressured their partners to abort; others may have strongly resisted; still others may not have known they were fathers until afterwards.
What is not widely acknowledged is that men can and do suffer emotionally and spiritually from their loss. It seems fair to say that men are not often encouraged to acknowledge their emotions around this issue -- whether relief, grief, anger, or resentment.
As post-abortion healing ministries like Rachel’s Vineyard have expanded in recent years, many women along with their husbands or male partners have come to seek help in dealing with the negative effects of their abortion. A growing number of men have found themselves regretting their involvement in an abortion, and various websites now include testimonies from men who have lost a child this way (cf. rachelsvineyard.org or priestsforlife.org).
Many of the testimonies are poignant, raw and searingly honest. Phil McCombs, a Washington Post Staff writer shared his own post-abortive struggles in a 1995 article in the Post:
‘‘I feel like a murderer, which isn’t to say that I blame anyone else, or think anyone else is a murderer. It’s just the way I feel and all the rationalizations in the world haven’t changed this. I still grieve for little Thomas. It is an ocean of grief. From somewhere in the distant past I remember the phrase from Shakespeare, the multitudinous seas, “incarnadine.” When I go up to the river on vacation this summer, he won’t be going boating with me on the lovely old wooden runabout that I can’t really afford to put in the water but can’t bring myself to discard, either. He won’t be lying on the grass by the tent at night looking at the starry sky and saying, “What’s that one called, Dad?” Because there was no room on the Earth for Thomas.’’
Another anonymous father wrote a letter, excerpted here, to his deceased son as part of his own journey towards healing and peace:
‘‘My Dear John Peter -- This past weekend I did something I should have done a very long time ago. I confessed to your death by abortion. John, you would today be a young man of twenty, vibrant and alive... Tears come again John, as they did Saturday night... In the fall, John, when the leaves fall from the trees I shall think of you, for you too fell from life. In the cold of winter, John, the snow shall remind me of you: for like the snow you were and are white and pure. In the spring, John, I shall think of you: for the birth of spring shall remind me that you, too should have been born into this world. John, I shall think of you in the summer: I shall imagine your laughter. I shall see you as you might have been, a little boy running and playing, scraping your knees from a fall. I shall miss, John, all that I might have gained from your life. My Little One, John Peter, I can only now ask you to forgive me as Jesus and God have done. May you rest in the arms of God -- Dad’’
The deep emotional scarring of both men and women that follows in the wake of legalized abortion should be a growing concern for all of us, and should challenge us to craft a more just society where every man, woman and child is unconditionally protected, respected, welcomed and loved.
Ping!
I stood in my living room and thought about my child, who never had a chance, because I never had a say in the decision.
Yeah, I still miss that child of mine and wonder what he or she could have done.
Yeah, abortion hurts men...it hurts really bad!
It still hurts.
Oh no. That was a horrible thing that was done to you and your child. I am so sorry for your hurt, and the life that was lost.
I’m so sorry for your loss. Your child knows you had nothing to do with his/her destruction and loves you for your grief.
I’m very sorry.
Overall, not bad; but”responsibility” (or, more appropriately, the lack thereof) isn’t really fleshed out here. Male support of abortion reflects two linked advantages: unlimited promiscuity and at least limited immunization from child-support. Win/win for consciousless males.
More appallingly, however, instead of supporting both existing and potential legislation that would have reduced male promiscuity (in and out of wedlock) while more adequately binding them financially to their progeny, feminists chose the lowest path possible: we want a full share in the same irresponsibility and depravity available to the MOST ethics-challenged of the opposite sex. Then we’ll be equal.
And we wonder why the culture’s deteriorating.
That’s kind of harsh to say to someone who’s mourning the loss of his baby to abortion.
Not all aborted babies come about because of extramarital sex. Sometimes a wife aborts her child, for a variety of reasons.
Yes, abstinence is 100 percent effective. But there’s more to this issue than that.
You know men have souls and hearts too, they grieve the loss of their son or daughter, and they have anger if it was done without their consent and guilt if they were.
Abortion is not an inconsequential act that is easily forgotten as the current culture would like young people to believe
It merely makes you the parent of a dead baby. Your dead baby.
Edwards isn’t a good example to use. He wanted Hunter to abort his baby.
@Redleg - I’ve been down that same bad road...informed after the fact by the ex-Mrs. Sox. “Genetics issue” was the excuse. It was a long time ago, and the betrayal has been forgiven. I’ve remarried and we have three children that I treasure. When I’m alone, however, my thoughts often turn to the one I never knew.
A great tragedy to those men who feel the loss....it’s a tragedy all way round.
But you did have a say in whether or not to produce a child and with whom.
While what you say is true, your timing sucks.
It may interest you to know that there is a place where you can find healing from this tragedy.
When you visit the site, on the link bar at the top, you will find For Men. That will take you to testimonials from other men and the opportunity to connect with others who have been victimized like you.
God speed!
See my post #19.
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