How do I deal with pain from the past? (About Forgiveness) [Catholic Caucus]

Roman Catholic Spiritual Direction ^ | August 9th, 2010 | Father John Bartunek

[Melian]

I think it’s forgiveness just to not wish ill to the persons who hurt you.

You don’t have to be buddies; just don’t wish harm on them. You can pray for them to recognize the error of their ways and to reform in time to achieve salvation.

[Melian]

When they don’t ask for forgiveness, we can say, “Forgive them, Lord, for they know not what they do.”

[mlizzy]

With an attempt to keep it brief, when I was in the hospital (it was a common occurrence) suffering in regard to an inner ear (vertigo!!) ailment (my gift?), a man I used to date came to the hospital to tell me my sister was telling everyone I was a drug addict, and that's why I was in the hospital. I never was involved with drugs (and she knew it) outside of a very small amount of pot smoking, but my sister was quite involved, even mainlining speed.

A neighbor who has known me for sixty years now, a deeply Christian woman, told me recently, when I was excluded from information regarding my mother's last weeks in the hospital (the nurses wouldn't give me updates because I wasn't allowed to be on that "list"), that jealousy is not a good trait. That's all she needed to say. Now, to check our family trees. Surely we must be related! Although you really should give that figurine back to your father. *smiles*

[chesley]

A prayer of David is below. Does not sound much like wishing them well to me. and despite my earnest prayer and struggle to do so, even after eleven years, I cannot bring myself to wish her well.

I don’t actively wish her ill, either. but a feeling of schedenfruede (?sp) would probably overcome me if I heard she had some trouble. Especially if it was caused by her acting as she had before.

And it will happen. Not everybody is as forgiving as I am, or as powerless as I was.

Psalm 17
8 Keep me as the apple of your eye;
hide me in the shadow of your wings
9 from the wicked who are out to destroy me,
from my mortal enemies who surround me.

10 They close up their callous hearts,
and their mouths speak with arrogance.
11 They have tracked me down, they now surround me,
with eyes alert, to throw me to the ground.
12 They are like a lion hungry for prey,
like a fierce lion crouching in cover.

13 Rise up, LORD, confront them, bring them down;
with your sword rescue me from the wicked.
14 By your hand save me from such people, LORD,
from those of this world whose reward is in this life.
May what you have stored up for the wicked fill their bellies;
may their children gorge themselves on it,
and may there be leftovers for their little ones.

[chesley]

By the way, you mentioned my tagline.

It's the title of a cookbook. I'm even thinking of buying it. You can get it on amazon, of course

[Salvation]

**What do you do when the hurt continues?**

What does the Bible say? 70 times 7 times to forgive them.

**In other words, its not just a hurt from the past, you have close family who still hurt you, even seem to enjoy causing you pain?**

Did you see the postings from a couple people above where this continues to happen? Can you pray for them?

**At what point is enough enough?**

Only you with God’s help, can answer that question.

**Can you forgive and yet try and limit your exposure to them, even if its your own parents?**

Absolutely. After staying away for awhile — try just calling or stopping by to say “Hello” and “God bless you.”

If that works you can continue to extend your visits.

And always know, that God knows the truth in all things.

[chesley]

Thanks, I’ve long ago worked through my grief and anger.

A burning desire for justice, now. That still remains, but I’ll let God and her own evil heart take care of that.

Also, if the opportunity ever came to help her, I would decline.

[TheConservativeParty]

As for the question of how many times we must forgive, I’d bet God would say “every time”. He does that for us when we ask forgiveness. Not so easy for us mere mortals to forgive every time.

Peace

[janereinheimer]

I agree with you completely.

To say we have to “learn” to forgive delays having to take responsibility for choosing not to.

[Jaded]

Thanks.