[Ecumenical] Lent through Eastertide - Divine Mercy Diary Exerpts: Suffering and Its Role

Suffering and Its Role

In order to purify a soul, Jesus uses whatever instruments he likes. My soul underwent a complete abandonment on the part of creatures; often my best intentions were misinterpreted by the sisters, a type of suffering which is most painful; but God allows it, and we must accept it because in this way we become more like Jesus. There was one thing which I could not understand for a long time: Jesus ordered me to tell everything to my Superiors, but my Superiors did not believe what I said and treated me with pity as though I were being deluded or were imagining things. (38)

Suffering is a great grace; through suffering the soul becomes like the Saviour; in suffering love becomes crystallised; the greater the suffering, the purer the love. (57)

One day [during an illness] I complained to Jesus that I was being a burden to the sisters. Jesus answered me, You are not living for yourself but for souls, and other souls will profit from your sufferings. Your prolonged suffering will give them the light and strength to accept My will. (67)

[During much suffering]. Forgive me, Jesus. May Your will be done in me. I will suffer silently like a dove, without complaining. I will not allow my heart even one single cry of sorrowful complaint. (25)

The heaviest suffering for me was that it seemed to me that neither my prayers nor my good works were pleasing to God... greater darkness hid God from me... A saintly priest wanted to help me, but I was so miserable that I couldn't even define my trouble, and that vexed me even more. A deathly sadness penetrated my soul to such an extent that I was unable to hide it... I lost hope. The night was growing darker and darker. The priest to whom I went to confession said to me....that in my present situation I was more pleasing to God than if I were filled with the greatest consolations. "It is a very great grace, Sister" he told me, "that in your present condition, with all the torments you are experiencing, you not only do not offend God, but you even try to practice virtues. I am looking into your soul, and I see God's great plans and special graces there; and seeing this, I give thanks to the Lord." but despite all that, my soul was in a state of torture; and in the midst of unspeakable torments, I imitated the blind man who entrusts himself to his guide. holding his hand firmly, not giving up obedience for a single moment, and this was my only safety in this fiery trial. (68)... When I feel that the suffering is more than I can bear, I take refuge in the Lord in the Blessed Sacrament, and I speak to Him with profound silence. (73)

Once when I was being crushed by these dreadful sufferings, I went into the chapel and said from the bottom of my soul, "Do what You will with me, O Jesus; I will adore You in everything. May Your will be done in me, O my Lord and my God, and I will praise Your infinite mercy." Through this act of submission, these terrible torments left me. Suddenly I saw Jesus, who said to me, I am always in your heart. An inconceivable joy entered my soul, and a great love of God set my heart aflame. I see that God never tries us beyond what we are able to suffer. ...one act of trust at such moments gives greater glory to God than whole hours passed in prayer filled with consolations. Now I see that if God wants to keep a soul in darkness, no book, no confessor can bring it light. (78)

Once when I saw how much my confessor was to suffer because of this work [spreading the devotion to the Divine Mercy] which God was going to carry out through him, fear seized me for the moment, and I said to the Lord, "Jesus, this is Your affair, so why are You acting this way toward him? It seems to me that You are making difficulties for him while at the same time ordering him to act." Write that by day and night My gaze is fixed upon him, and I permit these adversities in order to increase his merit. I do not reward for good results but for the patience and hardship undergone for My sake. (86)

One day I saw interiorly how much my confessor would have to suffer: friends will desert you while everyone will rise up against you and your physical strength will diminish. I saw you as a bunch of grapes chosen by the Lord and thrown into the press of suffering. Your soul, Father, will at times be filled with doubts about this work and about me. I saw that God himself seemed to be opposing and I asked the Lord why He was acting this way toward him, as though He were placing obstacles in the way of his doing what He himself had asked him to do. And the Lord said, I am acting thus with him to give testimony that this work is Mine. Tell him not to fear anything; My gaze is on him day and night. There will be so many crowns to form his crown as there will be souls saved by this work. It is not for the success of a work but for the suffering that I give reward. (90) O my Lord, I can see very well that from the time when my soul first received the capacity to know You, my life has been a continual struggle which has become increasingly intense.... every morning during meditation, I prepare myself for the whole day's struggle. Holy Communion assures me that I will win the victory; and so it is. ...... The courage and the strength that are in me are not of me, but of Him who lives in me - it is the Eucharist. O my Jesus, the misunderstandings are so great; sometimes, were it not for the Eucharist , I would not have the courage to go any further along the way You have marked out for me. (91)

Once during an adoration, the Lord demanded that I give myself up to Him as an offering, by bearing a certain suffering in atonement, not only for the sins of the world in general, but specifically for transgressions committed in this house. Immediately I said, "very good; I am ready." But Jesus gave me to see what I was going to suffer, and in one moment the whole passion unfolded itself before my eyes. Firstly, my intentions will not be recognised; there will be all kinds of suspicion and distrust as well as various kinds of humiliations and adversities. I will not mention everything here. All these things stood before my soul's eye like a dark storm from which lightning was ready to strike at any moment, waiting only for my consent. For a moment my nature was frightened. Then suddenly the dinner bell rang. I left the chapel, trembling and undecided. But the sacrifice was ever present before me, for I had neither decided to accept it, nor had I refused the Lord. I wanted to place myself completely in His will. If the Lord Jesus himself were to impose it on me, I was ready. But Jesus gave me to know that I myself was to give my free consent and accept it with full consciousness, or else it would be meaningless. Its whole power was contained in my free act before God. ...... And so I answered immediately, "Jesus, I accept everything that You wish to send me; I trust in Your goodness." At that moment, I felt that by this act I glorified God greatly. But I armed myself with patience. As soon as I left the chapel, I had an encounter with reality. I do not want to describe the details, but there was as much of it as I was able to bear. I would not have been able to bear even one drop more. (190)

Once, I took upon myself a terrible temptation which one of our students in the house at Warsaw was going through. It was the temptation of suicide. For seven days I suffered; and after the seven days Jesus granted her the grace which was being asked, and then my suffering also ceased. It was a great suffering. I often take upon myself the torments of our students. Jesus permits me to do this, and so do my confessors. (192)

In suffering, I must be patient and quiet, knowing that everything passes in time. (253)

And the Lord said to me, My child, you please me most by suffering. In your physical as well as your mental sufferings, My daughter, do not seek sympathy from creatures. I want the fragrance of your suffering to be pure and unadulterated. I want you to detach yourself, not only from creatures, but also from yourself. My daughter, I want to delight in the love of your heart, a pure love, virginal, unblemished, untarnished. The more you will come to love suffering, My daughter, the purer your love for Me will be. (279)

Once when I was suffering greatly, I left my work and escaped to Jesus and asked Him to give me His strength. After a very short prayer I returned to my work filled with enthusiasm and joy. Then, one of the sisters said to me, "You must have many consolations today, Sister; you look so radiant. Surely, God is giving you no suffering, but only consolations." "You are greatly mistaken, Sister.... for it is precisely when I suffer much that my joy is greater; and when I suffer less, my joy is also less."... I tried to explain to her that when we suffer much we have a great chance to show God that we love Him; but when we suffer little we have less occasion to show God our love; and when we do not suffer our love is neither great nor pure. By the grace of God, we can attain a point where suffering will become a delight to us, for love can work such pure things in pure souls. (303)

True love is measured by the thermometer of suffering. Jesus, I thank You for the little daily crosses, for opposition to my endeavours, for the hardships of communal life, for the misinterpretation of my intentions, for humiliations at the hands of others, for the harsh way in which we are treated, for false suspicions, for poor health and loss of strength, for self-denial, dor dying to myself, for lack of recognition in everything, for the upsetting of all my plans. ...(continued..343)

Oh if only the suffering soul knew how much it is loved by God, it would die of joy and excess of happiness! Some day, we will know the value of suffering, but then we will no longer be able to suffer. (963)

Trials sent by God to a soul which is particularly loved by Him. Temptations and darkness; Satan

The soul's love for God is still not such as God would have it. The soul suddenly loses the tangible perception of God's presence. Various defects and imperfections rise up within it, and it must fight them furiously. All her faults lift up their heads, but the soul's vigilance is great. The former awareness of the presence of God gives place to coldness and spiritual dryness; the soul has no taste for spiritual exercises; it cannot pray, either in the old way, or in the manner in which it had just begun to pray. It struggles this way and that, but can find no satisfaction. God has hidden himself from it, and it can find no consolation in creatures, nor can any of these creatures find a way of consoling it. The soul craves passionately for God, but sees its own misery; it begins to sense God's justice; it seems to it that it has lost all the gifts that God had given it; its mind is dimmed, and darkness fills it; unspeakable torment begins. The soul tries to explain its state to the confessor, but it is not understood and is assailed by an even greater unrest. Satan begins his work.

Faith staggers under the impact; the struggle is fierce. The soul tries hard to cling to God by an act of will. With God's permission, Satan goes even further: hope and love are put to the test. These temptations are terrible. God supports the soul in secret, so to speak. The soul is not aware of this, but otherwise it would be impossible to stand firm; and God knows very well how much He can allow to befall a soul. The soul is tempted to unbelief in respect to revealed truths and to insincerity toward the confessor. Satan says to it, "Look, no one understands you; why speak about all this?" Words that terrify it sound in its ears, and it seems to the soul that it is uttering these against God. It sees what it does not want to see. It hears what it does not want to hear.....one should make every effort to find, if it is at all possible, a well-informed confessor....All these trials are heavy and difficult. God does not send them to a soul which has not already been admitted to a deeper intimacy with Him and which has not yet tasted the divine delights. ...... God often prepares a soul in this way for His future designs and great works. He wants to try it as pure gold is tried. But this is not yet the end of the testing; there is still the trial of trials, the complete abandonment of the soul by God. (96 -7)

The Trial of trials, Complete Abandonment - Despair

When the soul comes out victorious from the preceding trials, even though it may stumble here and there, it fights on valiantly, humbly calling upon God, "Save me, I am perishing!" And it is still able to fight on. At this point, however, the soul is engulfed in a horrible night. It sees within itself only sin. It feels terrible. It sees itself completely abandoned by God. It feels itself to be the object of His hatred. It is but one step away from despair....prayer is an even greater torment for it, as this prayer seems to arouse God to an even greater anger. ..The soul is drawn to God, but feels repulsed. All other sufferings and tortures in the world are as nothing compared with this sensation into which it has been plunged; namely, that of being rejected by God. No one can bring it any relief; it finds itself completely alone; there is no one to defend it. It raises its eyes to heaven, but is convinced that this is not for her - for her all is darkness, and it seems to it that it has lost forever the God it used to love so dearly. ...... In the midst of this, the evil spirit adds to the soul's suffering, mocking it: "Will you persist in your faithfulness? This is your reward; you are in our power!" But Satan has only as much influence over the soul as God allows him, and God knows how much we can bear........ The soul no longer looks for help anywhere. It shrinks into itself and loses sight of everything; it is as though it has accepted the torture of being abandoned......This is the agony of the soul..... [Saint Faustina goes on to explain how it ended].

When my soul began to sink into despair, I felt that the end was near. ....... After some time, one of the sisters came into the cell and found me almost dead. She was frightened and went to find the Directress of Novices who.... ordered me to get up...My strength returned immediately , and I got up...[she] recognised .. the state of my soul and spoke to me about the inscrutable mercy of God, saying, "Do not be distressed...I see now... that God is calling you to a high degree of holiness; the Lord wants to draw you very close to Himself since He ahs allowed these things to happen to you so soon. [This] is a sign that He wants you to have a high place in heaven....."When I went into the chapel, I felt as though my soul had been set free from everything, as though I had just come forth from the hand of God. I perceived the inviolability of my soul; I felt that I was a tiny child.

Suddenly I saw the Lord interiorly, and He said to me, Fear not, My daughter; I am with you. In that single moment, all the darkness and torments vanished, my senses were inundated with unspeakable joy, ..the faculties of my soul filled with light. ....What I have written is very poor compared to the reality. I cannot put it in words; it seemed to me that I had come back from the other world. I feel an aversion for everything that is created; I snuggle to the heart of God like a baby to its mother's breast. I see everything differently now..... This is a completely spiritual suffering. (98 - 104)

My daughter it is time to take action; I am with you. Great persecutions and sufferings are in store for you, but be comforted by the thought that [m]any souls will be saved and sanctified by this work. (966)

Know...that your silent day-to-day martyrdom in complete submission to My Will ushers many souls into Heaven. And when it seems to you that your suffering exceeds your strength, contemplate My Wounds and you will rise above human scorn and judgment. Meditation on My Passion will help you rise above all things. (1184)

This soul, who is pleasing to God, is being crucified by numerous sufferings, but I am not at all surprised, for this is how God treats those He especially loves. (1253)

In a suffering soul we should see Jesus Crucified, and not a loafer or burden on the community. A soul who suffers with submission to the will of God draws down more blessings on the whole convent than all the working sisters. God often grants many and great graces out of regard for the souls who are suffering, and He withholds many punishments solely because of the suffering souls. (168)

And the greater the sufferings, the more I see that I am becoming like Jesus. This is the surest way. If some other way were better, Jesus would have shown it to me. Sufferings in no way take away my peace. On the other hand, although I enjoy profound peace, that peace does not lessen my experience of suffering. Although my face is often bowed to the ground, and my tears flow profusely, at the same time my soul is filled with profound peace and happiness.. (1394)

When the sisters got up at eleven o'clock at night to keep vigil and welcome the New Year, I had been writhing in agony since nightfall, and this lasted until midnight. I united my sufferings with the prayers of the sisters who were keeping vigil in the chapel and atoning to God for the offences of sinners. (1451). When the clock struck twelve, my soul immersed itself more deeply in recollection, and I heard a voice in my soul: "Do not fear, My little child, you are not alone. Fight bravely, because My arm is supporting you; fight for the salvation of souls, exhorting them to trust in My mercy, as that is your task in this life and in the life to come." After these words, I received a deeper understanding of divine mercy. Only that soul who wants [to be damned] will be damned, for God condemns no one. (1452)

When night fell, the physical sufferings increased and were joined by moral sufferings. Night and suffering. The solemn silence of the night made it possible for me to suffer freely. My body was stretched on the wood of the cross. I writhed in terrible pain until eleven o'clock. I went in spirit to the Tabernacle and uncovered the ciborium, leaning my head on the rim of the cup, and all my tears flowed silently toward the Heart of Him who alone understands what pain and suffering is. And I experienced the sweetness of this suffering, and my soul came to desire this sweet agony, which I would not have exchanged for all the world's treasures. The Lord gave me strength of spirit and love towards those through whom these sufferings came. this then was the first day of the year. (1454)

After Holy Communion the Lord said to me, If the priest had not brought Me to you, I would have come Myself under the same species. My daughter, your sufferings of this night obtained the grace of mercy for an immense number of souls. (1459)

Taking the form of an apparition he said, "Do not pray for sinners, but for yourself, for you will be damned." Paying no attention to Satan, I continued to pray with redoubled fervour. for sinners. The Evil Spirit howled with fury, "Oh, if I had power over you!" and disappeared. I saw that my suffering and prayer shackled Satan and snatched many souls from his clutches. (1465)

..there is no way to heaven except the way of the cross. I followed it first. You must learn that it is the shortest way.... I am giving you a share in those sufferings because of My special love for you and in view of the high degree of holiness I am intending for you in Heaven. A suffering soul is closer to My heart. (Jesus to suffering souls -1487)

The Lord visited me today and said, My daughter, do not be afraid of what will happen to you. I will give you nothing beyond your strength. You know the power of My grace; let that be enough. (1491)

..it is You Jesus, stretched out on the cross, who gives me strength and are always close to the suffering soul. Creatures will abandon a person in his suffering, but You, O Lord, are faithful...(1508) [I suppose that is why we should never try to get consolation from a person - but rather, obtain it from God]

Today, during Mass, I saw the Lord Jesus in the midst of His sufferings, as though dying on the cross. He said to me, My daughter, meditate frequently on the sufferings which I have undergone for your sake, and then nothing of what you suffer for Me will seem great to you. You please Me most when you meditate on My Sorrowful Passion. Join your little sufferings to My Sorrowful Passion, so that they may have infinite value before My majesty. (1512)

1938. Today the Lord said to me, I have need of your sufferings to rescue souls. ....Almost all night I had such violent pains that it seemed all my intestines were torn to pieces. I threw up the medicine I had taken.....I thought it would be the end of me....O my Jesus, do with me as You please. Only give me strength to suffer. Since Your strength supports me, I shall bear everything. O souls, how I love you! (1613)

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