Posted on 03/17/2014 2:43:57 AM PDT by markomalley
A radio listener recent wrote me about an interview I did on EWTN Radio with Barbara McGuigan. I mentioned that I had been doing a teaching on dating and modesty at a Theology on Tap Session. At that session I charged the men not to leave that night until they had asked a woman out on a date.
This intrigued the listener who wanted me to expand on this just a bit and what if anything she could do to get the twenty-somes in her family (both male and female) to start dating again. Here is something of the response I penned:
Yes I suppose it was on EWTN Radio’s Open Line show on Valentine’s Day that you heard me. As for what to say, it is difficult. The culture of course is dismal today when it comes to meeting something and something we used to call “dating.”
I was telling the young people, at that theology on tap meeting that, back when I was in high school and college, we used to do something called “dating”.
This strange and currently lesser known behavior involved a young man picking up the phone, or perhaps asking a girl in person, to go I’m something known as a date. This involved an actual activity such as the two of them having dinner together, or going to a movie together, or perhaps some other function, together (as in, just the two of them).
He would ask her and she would either agree to go out with him, or not. If she did, he would actually get into his car, and go to her house, and ring the doorbell. He might even meet her parents if she still lived at home. Then he would actually take her somewhere, such as to dinner, and he would spend money, his own money, on her. He was then supposed to bring her back to her own home at a reasonable time. Perhaps if it went well, she might give him a quick kiss, and agree to see him again.
Of course, I say a lot of this and jest, but what makes it strangely funny is that, although most young people of heard of the dating I’m describing, many seldom experience it with any real frequency. Back when I was in High School and College, the goal was to have a date every Friday or Saturday. Frankly very little was on T.V. Friday nights, since it was presumed that most young people would be “out on dates.”
We are living in a very strange world. At any rate, the first thing I think we can do is tell funny stories like these. When I do so, I hope to tweak the young men into some change of behavior where, instead of just hoping to see certain women at group functions they actually seek to court a particular woman, and even more, search for a wife.
As a priest in Washington DC, I talk with a lot of young women and am shocked that so many of these very beautiful women are seldom asked out by men. It’s just crazy! What’s wrong with young men? If I were still young and dating I’d be asking them out!
Some folks blame pornography and surmise that many men prefer fantasy to real women. Others blame the breakdown of the Church and family that used to help facilitate meeting and dating through dances and other socials. Others blame the hook-up scene (hooking-up is NOT dating) wherein men and women gather more in groups, arriving independently and “hooking up” with whoever. Promiscuity also devastates marriage, since there is very little incentive for men to commit to marriage when they get one of its central motivators (sex) for free. And if marriage isn’t a real priority, why court a woman. And is marriage and courting are unnecessary why date?
Perhaps you can state other reasons. I don’t want to be unfair to men. These are complicated issues. But traditionally it was men who took the initiative and most traditional Catholic girls still feel like that is how it should be.
But frankly, I also have to tell a lot of young women today that, like it or not, they’re going to have to take some initiative. For example, if they see a young man who they would like to ask them out, perhaps they can go right up to him and say, “It’s alright to ask me out.” or, “Ask me out you fool.” Or, “when are you going to get around to asking me to dance?”
Back when I was in school, I had several young women who wanted to signal me that they were interested. They would often send words through one of their friends who would say something like, “She likes you, ask her out.” And in many cases, I would oblige!
My college sweetheart got things started with me that way. I was really surprised she wanted to go out with me, she was so very very pretty, I didn’t think she’d be interested in an ordinary guy like me. I also figured she probably had lots of other suitors. So this was important information for me that she was interested, and I acted on it immediately. I practically ran up to her and asked her out.
I am interested in your thoughts, especially if you’re a young adult. What’s going on here? Ultimately I think its pretty serious since it is tied in with the cultural demise of marriage and also the rise of promiscuity. Help me, nearing “codger” status, to understand the causes, and also venture some solutions.
Do schools still have dances on Friday night?? If they are, there is probably DIRTY DANCING and TWERKING happening...YUK!
It's not just marriage that our generation is taught to give up on easily. It's anything that requires "work".
That's a large reason for our entitlement economy. Work is hard. Getting a government check is easy.
“Why so she can spend a few years with him and then change her mind and get half his money for the next 20 years.”
That door swings both ways, Baby. Although, usually in those situations, the wife supplies the money at the outset of the relationship by working her ass off to put Hubby through school and into a professional career. Then he’ll change HIS mind after a year or two and dump his wife for some chickie in his office.
And, BTW, after 20 years in a marriage, it’s not “his” money; it’s “their” money.
Roving genes - Oh, I don't know. I don't think that has anything to do with it. Good examples are the important element.
Catholic marriage - I think this actually appeals to some of the more desirable young ladies. Even the atheist girlfriend found it admirable that my son's faith was so important that he would not marry someone over the issue. It intrigued her and caused her to start to study the Catholic faith.
She's still an atheist at this point. And my son broke up with her. But who knows what seeds were planted?
Dating as evangelism. LOL!
“... the very lucky minority of women on campus...”
Women have the power. They just don't recognize it. Many of my son's friends cad about (or at least enter semi-exclusive or exclusive unchaste relationships) because, well,... they can. The young ladies are willing (some are even eager). But interestingly, many of the young men are willing to have chaste relationships with young ladies, if that's what the young lady insists upon. However, the young men will generally not turn down free sex if they sense it's on offer.
My son has friends who are “doing it” with their girlfriends, and friends who are not. The ones who are “doing it” are doing so at the implicit or even explicit invitation of the young ladies.
My own sense is that many of these young people want precisely what my son has, but don't realize it, and don't think it's realistic, because they think that the members of the opposite sex want something else. The girls think the boys all want sex, and the boys think the girls want disposable relationships, and just want to be treated like men. Equality. Reproductive rights (what do you need "reproductive rights" for if you're not going to have sex??). No "gender" differences to be recognized.
It's a lot of groupthink.
sitetest
I dunno what to think...the young people I know are out and about, circulating, dating etc.
I think you’re on to something, there.
A conversation starter that gets all the lovely lady freepers wondering if the nice guy that I am is worth $6,000,000... or is just yet another internet Sasquatch. I have a feeling I will be waiting a really long time for someone like SkyDancer to ever take notice of the likes of me... Bwhahahah!
Anyways... full disclosure, it's from the cartoon The Venture Bros.
See:
The Venture Bros.: Just Some Vets Camping - YouTube
and directly where the picture comes from...
And I still COURT my wife after 41 years. Open doors for her, her car doors, tell her how beautiful she is at 68 (believe me - she is. I hear it from others all the time), and much much more.
Guess what? It works. Keeps the flame alive - and produces great results! And I just love doing it......and she loves it!
Good on you!! Most men think that once we've won the heart of our spouse and have married them, the courtship is over. Not true!
Women like being pursued. The most successful marriages are the ones where the husband keeps pursuing and winning his wife's heart. The best part is what she does in return when she see's her husband putting her first.
Married 27 1/2 years to the same woman here. That doesn't happen with me sitting on my ass doing nothing. We have "date nights" also. Where ever we go, she has my undivided attention, and yes I do still open doors for her (even when not on date night.)
I am not THAT old, but count me as also horrified by this “hook-up” culture which has overtaken college campi.
When I was in college, you aspired to date. Often for the wrong reasons....hormone-driven infatuation with the prettiest girls. But you did, and you did attempt to build some kind of relationships with women in the process.
Today it is so cold and impersonal, I have no idea what these kids see in it.
Ping!
Sadly, young women’s drive for sex, and love through sex, is probably almost as strong as young men’s—but the emotional fallout for the women is much greater. Too often American women find this out on their own. And, their disadvantage in sex ratio on campus is significant and growing.
I do think there has been found a genetic link to the propensity toward infidelity in men, and in our culture-optional society I imagine men do quite a bit of self-selection in choosing their culture. (E.g., the churched and the unchurched)
We have been together for 32 years (last month) and I still do those things.
My generation didn't date. Honestly, I know guys my age (late 30’s) that have had many serial one night stands, but have told me they have never had a relationship.
People don't know how. It is either right to bed, or there is something “wrong”. I ran into this when I was single. Had one girl break it off because I didn't try to get her into bed by the second date (she was sure I was gay).
Dating stopped in 1973, in my hometown. With birth control and abortion, there were a slew of girls who would put out. It quickly became accepted. My friends were victims of date rape. Prom was the worst. The clergy, I hate to tell the good Msgr, have been absent for us for forty years. It is the start point, in many ways, to the attack on the family
Their rejection of Humanae Vitae continues to this day. Homosexuality is taking over st Patrick’s day. Where is the USCCB? Vying for illegal immigrants rights. They are being led by Jose Gomez, anigrant, who has no legal right as an immigrant, I don’t care if he IS an archbishop, to effect public policy
The priests could embrace Humanae Vitae and understand the effects of BC and abortion on our children
Ugh. The flames and smoke coming out of my ears are going to draw emergency response. Id better stop
Which Catholic college is your son studying at? All the Catholic colleges in California are dens of iniquity with youths romping around like dogs in heat and with leftist professors who tear down faith, God, and Jesus.
My son isn't at a Catholic college. He's at a large, secular school in a large metropolitan area.
sitetest
I’m in my 40s and I don’t know anyone who was ever supported by their ex wife. Not saying this is untrue. Just hardly the norm for most men. In fact most women are marrying down educationally.
Parenting is important of course. Parents have been slacking for years though and not just this generation.
Personally i do not believe people change but the times change, we have went from the horse and buggy days in the life time of many of us here on Freeper ( depending on circumstances ) to the space age.
I believe what goes up must come down, as in Babel.
bkmk
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