Posted on 04/29/2014 2:33:52 AM PDT by NYer
From a reader…
QUAERITUR:
Dear Fr. Z,
I came upon your blog after a very disappointing encounter at church today and in a way, I was looking for some kind of comfort. Please bear with me as I attempt to express both thoughts and feelings.
I have not gone to confession in a long time, so long that I don’t even remember the last time I went. I have lost my way and today’s homily and the celebration of the Feast of the Divine Mercy made me realize that it was time for me to go to confession.
After gathering my courage, I waited in line for over 2 hours in the heat of the noonday sun only to be refused confession by the priest. Frustration. Disappointment. Anger. So many emotions and questions as to why the priest could be so cold even after I said that I have lost my way and that I want to reunite myself with Christ.
After I told him of my intentions, he asked if I was married (yes), if it was at a church (no), if my husband was catholic (no, which is why we were married by a pastor and not in a Roman Catholic church). After hearing my responses he said I was in grave, mortal sin since I wasn’t married in a church and refused to hear my confession but instead offered to pray for me.
It is hard for me to believe that our God would turn someone in my predicament away. I have heard and read the gospels and Jesus never turned anyone away. Does this mean I can never receive the Sacrament of Penance and shouldn’t bother taking communion until I force the man I love to convert to my religion and get married in a Roman Catholic Church? It sounds so contrived!
If the answer is yes then it’s probably time for me to seek a different religion, one that will accept me and my husband with open arms and show me the loving grace and forgiveness of our Father.
My husband has been going to church with me since we married in 2009 and as I walked away in near tears explaining to him what happened, he commented “and you wonder why a lot of Roman Catholics are leaving the church” and I walked in silence, I couldn’t even defend my own religion.
Im hurting Father Z, I want to repair my relationship with God through confession but what am I to do? Should I try a different parish? I feel more lost than when I started.
Please help me Father Z, Im hurting and so desperately want to reunite myself with our God :’(
In John 6, Jesus presents His followers with a difficult teaching: we must eat the flesh of Christ and drink His blood in order to be saved. “Many of his disciples, hearing this, said, ‘This saying is hard, and who can hear it?’” They left Him.
I am sorry you had a bad experience, especially this past Sunday when the Church, according to the ordinary calendar, celebrated God’s mercy. It sounds as if the priest was less than helpful. As I remind people in my Tips for making a good confession, priests also have bad days. On a day when they are hearing many confessions, after having said a couple Masses, priests can get tired.
That said, while Father’s tone was unhelpful, what he said essentially is true. Someone who is living in an objective state that cannot be reconciled with Catholic teaching cannot receive the sacrament of reconciliation until and unless their objective state changes. Essentially, Father was giving you the truth. What is more pastoral than that? He could have stated it much better, however.
It would not have been helpful to you in any way had Father given you absolution and said, “Go in peace.” You would still be in that objective state of sin.
As the disciples learned, sometimes Jesus’ and His Church’s teachings are hard. The solution isn’t to soften them. The solution is not to look for someone who twists Jesus’ teachings to suit our opinions. The solution is to change our lives to fit Christ’s and the Church’s guidance. That includes his tough words on the Eucharist, on marriage, on relationships, on suffering….
What Father probably should have, first, acknowledged that your return to the confessional was through a prompting of the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit is at work in your soul in ways that you might not be fully aware. It is good that you returned to confession. It took courage and strength to respond to what the Holy Spirit was asking, namely, to examine your life thoroughly and then lay out your sins before the priest and seek forgiveness. Father should have told you that, because of your marriage situation, you can’t receive absolution today, but that he’d be willing to meet with you later in the week (or, if he was a visiting priest, encouraged you to set up an appointment with the pastor) to look for a solution to your situation.
There may be a couple possible solutions, that would be best discussed face to face. Your husband would not need to convert to Catholicism in order to have your marriage celebrated in the Church, a dispensation or permission could be sought (and these are usually granted).
You are disappointed now. Do not be discouraged. The Holy Spirit who led you to the confessional in the first place does not give us discouragement. That’s what the Enemy prompts. God wants to right your relationship with the Church and with Himself. Anything that seems like an easy solution to a difficult situation probably won’t resolve anything.
Were you to, as you say, go elsewhere and find a different religion, knowing that the Catholic Church is the Church Christ founded, what would you have solved? You would only be compounding your problems and endangering your soul. Should we seek out a religion that fits our lives, or should we instead seek out the religion that is true and change our lives to fit the truth?
After Christ’s gave his “hard teaching” in John 6, many disciples left Him. He asked those who remained, “Will you also go away?” St. Peter responded, “Lord, to whom would we go? You have the words of eternal life.” Embrace the truth, even when the truth hurts. The hurt is momentary and, in the long run, good for you. If the priest you encountered in the confessional was not helpful, seek another one who will help you to rectify your marriage situation and lead you back to regular reception of the Sacraments.
Well, where do you see a fault?
while Father’s tone was unhelpful, what he said essentially is true. Someone who is living in an objective state that cannot be reconciled with Catholic teaching cannot receive the sacrament of reconciliation until and unless their objective state changes. Essentially, Father was giving you the truth. What is more pastoral than that? He could have stated it much better, however.It would not have been helpful to you in any way had Father given you absolution and said, “Go in peace.” You would still be in that objective state of sin.
The problem is, any of those reasons/exceptions/excuses the Catholic church gives should be picked up by the priest in the pre-Cana classes.
If the priest didn’t pick up on the fact that there were those kinds of problems, he certainly wasn’t doing his job.
It also is a strike against a single priesthood as single men DO NOT KNOW what it takes to be married.
As far as the mental capacity or age exception, what priest is going to be marrying someone who is so mentally deficient that they can’t handle the marriage or someone who is so vastly underage that they don’t qualify? Any priest who lacks discernment and integrity to refuse to marry such persons does not belong in the office performing such functions.
Whatever happened to *for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, til death do us part*?
Annulment makes a mockery of marriage when it treats it so lightly. Those people stood before God and made a vow to each other before Him as their witness.
That's pretty hard to argue with. Can't blame you for not wanting to go there.
So what was the woman supposed to do? Divorce her husband? Make her sin?
Her question was a valid one.Does this mean I can never receive the Sacrament of Penance and shouldn’t bother taking communion until I force the man I love to convert to my religion and get married in a Roman Catholic Church? It sounds so contrived!
And does *forcing* someone to become Catholic mean anything? Would it make it a *valid* marriage if he went through the motions and pretended to be Catholic?
You won’t get a straight answer out of a Catholic to a simple yes or no question.
You know that.
We’re working on that on another thread and you’ve seen the results there.
The woman had to separate from her husband till such time that they marry in the Catholic Church, or remain divorced. Divorce, by the way is not a sin; fornication is.
They could have been married in the Catholic Church while the husband was Protestant on a dispensation from the bishop, almost always available. That she did not do that puts her in a state of sin, which she cannot be absolved from while living with the man.
The priest and the RCC and take it and put it somewhere. She's legally married, she is not in a state of sin. Separating from her husband, which goes against clear Scriptural command would be sin.
And you claim divorce is not a sin? Pray tell, show us where in the CCC it says that. Then why annulments?
1 Corinthians 7:3-5 The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
1 Corinthians 7:10-16 To the married I give this charge (not I, but the Lord):the wife should not separate from her husband (but if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband), and the husband should not divorce his wife.
To the rest I say (I, not the Lord) that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her. If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace. For how do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?
Why do you teach things contrary to Scripture? Why does the Catholic church teach things contrary to Scripture?
That's forcing people to sin. Real sin. Not the made up stuff the Catholic church has called sin.
Is every Pre-Cana class conducted by a Priest? Please try and learn the facts before you rush to comment.
THEY WERE NEVER MARRIED IN THE EYES OF THE CHURCH!
And does *forcing* someone to become Catholic mean anything? Would it make it a *valid* marriage if he went through the motions and pretended to be Catholic?
Show me from this thread or Canon Law where the spouse must become Catholic! Go ahead I dare you! You clearly did not read a single posting on this either from the other Catholics or myself. How many times was "Dispensation from form mentioned"?
Keep bearing false witness and telling us that you are a Christian.
I agree it is best not to go there!
I see a dodge.
Yes or no is quite sufficient.
Is THIS a yes or a no?
This is SO deflective on SO many levels...
The passage from I Cor 7:10-16 is talking about {assuming is the case of} a “normal” marriage, a marriage where there is no abuse. It must be, or else one would be forced to conclude a woman (or a man) who divorces their spouse because they are suffering regular, physical abuse has “sinned”. IOW, I seriously doubt our Lord expects a woman to stay married to a man (live with a man)’who beats her on a regular basis.
Besides this isn’t even the circumstance here. Annalex was saying that the woman in the OP should separate from her husband until and unless they either get a dispensation for their marriage or they get their marriage convalidated. Which isn’t in contradiction with Scripture in fact is supported by it (I Cor 7:3-5). (Assuming both agree to the separation)
This CHALLENGE from one who, apparently, cannot reply to my question with a simple yes or no?
You have no credibility.
You have no credibility.
Your question was answered in several posts on this thread. I don't think that my answering it one more time will make a difference for you. I myself posted Canon law on the topic as did several others.
I also think it is very indicative that You of all people should try to make comments out not answering questions.
No; it was NOT!
It was danced around.
#66
Is this REALLY infallible doctrine of the Church?? |
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