Snappy comebacks and one liners

strangecosmos

[damnlimey]

1) Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

2) The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.

3) I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.

4) Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.

5) I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn.

6) I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.

7) What am I? Flypaper for freaks?

8) I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.

9) I'm already visualizing the masking tape over your mouth.

10)Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.

11) I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.

12) It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.

13) Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.

14) No, my powers can only be used for good.

15) How about never? Is never good for you?

16) I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.

17) You sound reasonable...Time to up my medication.

18) I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.

19) I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.

20) I don't work here. I'm a consultant.

21) Who me? I just wander from room to room.

22) My toys! My toys! I can't do this job without my toys!

23) It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level I'm really quite busy.

24) At least I have a positive attitude about my destructive habits.

25) You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.

26) I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

27) Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.

28)I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.

29)Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, "Where the heck is the ceiling?!"

30)My reality check bounced.

31)On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.

[John SBM]

Great list. Here's a web site where you can put any of these on a bumper sticker. It's free to make them, post them to the web site and send them as emails. Here's your number 28:

Your Problem

[WhiskeyPapa]

Winstin Churchill, stting next to lady who says "if you were my husband, I would put poison in your coffee."

"Madame, if you were my wife, I would drink it."

Walt

[101viking]

My all time favorite when being asked for help:

I'd like to help you out, which way did you come in?"

[Artem55]

Always with the negative waves Moriarty, always with the negative waves!

[Roebucks]

Very snappy comeback if called a male chauvinist d*ck by a feminazi. WARNING: audio file....

[tacticalogic]

"We see our role as essentially defensive in nature. While our armies are advancing so fast and everyone's knocking themselves out to be heroes, we are holding ourselves in reserve in case the Krauts mount a counteroffensive which threatens Paris or...or maybe even New York. Then, we can move in and stop them. But, for one point six million dollars, we could become heroes for 3 days."

[Rightly Biased]

If dumb was dirt you'd be a half acre
You could tear up and anvil with a corn cob (my grand fathers favorite)

[joshtherockstar]

My favorite reply is So's your face. The best time I ever used it was when our nanny (she was 21 at the time)said the movie dumbo is so saddening and depressing. And I said So's your face" I thought I would die that day from laughing.......

[Hobittual]

I would love to agree with you, but then we would both be wrong.

[5Madman2]

Had a guy accuse me of being such a bastard that I must have pulled the wings off flies when I was a kid.

Told I did not do that. I said I pulled their legs off so they couldn’t land. Then I started buzzing and said how tired I was. He walked away bleach white.

Never spoke to me again. I was crushed :)