James Lileks: Thinking About D.C., Unfondly

The Minneapolis/St Paul Star Tribune ^ | February 20, 2005 | James Lileks

[quidnunc]

Well, I'm not running for Senate, either. Not that anyone asked. But I want to get that out of the way, since everyone seems to be grabbing a few minutes of spotlight time by lifting their hems and showing a flash of political ankle. It's not that I wouldn't be a great senator. I would. I have more qualifications than Al Franken, inasmuch as I — what's the phrase I'm looking for? Right: I live in the state I'd like to represent. …

The enforced collegiality. Every senator always refers to the others as "esteemed colleagues" or "good friends," or "the love of my life, politically speaking" even if five minutes earlier they were wrestling in the hallway and trying to stab each other with letter openers. You never hear a senator say, "Well, I beg to differ with my esteemed friend who is helping us do the work of the people, and by that of course I mean a lying reactionary pail of toad scum."

The noble sense of purpose. Everyone who goes to Washington has that Frank Capra moment, where they gaze at the Capitol dome and imagine themselves making an impassioned speech, face shining, tie askew. History will judge us by the things we do today, gentlemen. And history, God help us all, is as fair as she is terrible. Or something like that. Everyone in the chamber suddenly remembers his own youthful idealism, gets misty, feels a Sousa march welling in his breast; then they burst into applause and vote overwhelmingly for your rider to the telecommunications deregulation bill amending the penalties re: the revised timetable of the 2006 deadlines. Or something like that. No one read the actual bill. That's the staffers' job.

-snip-

[Congressman Billybob]

Fine piece of work. D*mn I love sarcasm in the morning.

Congressman Billybob

Latest column, Confessions of a "Salivating Moron"

[LibFreeOrDie]

"And it's not even a real East Coast city. It's a training-wheels version for people who hope to move to Boston and really drain the joy out of other people's lives.

Ha! He's got Boston right...

[TheRatHunter]

And it's not even a real East Coast city. It's a training-wheels version for people who hope to move to Boston and really drain the joy out of other people's lives.

Quote of the Week!

[Rummyfan]

LOL!!!

[hosepipe]

I rather liked...
"everyone seems to be grabbing a few minutes of spotlight time by lifting their hems and showing a flash of political ankle."

[BobS]

Lileks gets better:

"Thank you for coming before us today, and taking time to answer our questions. We appreciate that so very much. It's all we can do to keep from jumping over this desk and kissing you full on the lips, you big brute, because we have so much genuine admiration and respect for you, despite the fact that you represent some ideas most of us here find incompatible with basic human decency or the 14th century, let alone the 21st, but more to the point, a lot of us are increasingly worried that you represent a view, common in this town, that [twelve minutes of additional windup deleted for space] and so if there are two things you can tell this committee, they would be: Given your sins, how do you sleep at night? And with whom? Careful how you answer that last one; we have pictures."

[Nick Danger]

There is so much truth to this. Anyone who heard Senator Sessions deliver the keynote speech at Friday night's Ronald Reagan Banquet (where the SwiftVets were honored) could not help but be amazed.

Here was a United States Senator basically saying, "I would like to thank David Keene for kicking me and punching me until I finally read this Law Of The Sea Treaty, because there is some really nasty stuff in there and this thing should never get ratified. But here it is, on its way, on a 19-to-nothing vote out of committee, apparently by Senators who haven't read it either."

He then went on to enumerate all of the horrible things in that treaty — it would basically set up a sea-going world government with executive, legislative, and judicial branches, plus a "Secretariat" (whatever that is). And with the power to insert itself into virtually any matter that even remotely affects "the sea."

Even Clinton wouldn't sign the damned thing. But here it was, on its way to ratification by 100 Senators who hadn't even bothered to read it.

Well, now at least Jeff Sessions has read it. We can only hope that his warnings dissuade enough of the rest of them from voting for it that it goes to a watery grave, and fast.

In the meantime, folks, keep those cards and letters coming in to the Senate... NO on the Law of the Sea Treaty.

[Feiny]

This one may win the title of "favorite Lileks column".

[Feiny]

Loved this:

"If I could work from home here in Minneapolis and send out a lifelike robot to do my public appearances, that would be fine. Especially if the robot concluded news conferences by vaporizing a few impertinent reporters and walking through a stone wall before flying off; people like that sort of thing in a senator. "

[AnnaZ]

Darnit! I already had given that label to a column of his a couple of weeks ago. Can't blame the guy for being brilliant, I guess.

[popdonnelly]

The problem with D.C. is that there are a few people who are important, and many, many people who think they are important, but aren't.

[meema]

bump to check later when there are more comments. Good one, Nick.
Thanks for posting this, quid!

[EternalVigilance]

I was at the CPAC press conference opposing the 'LOST'.

Jeane Kirkpatrick was eloquent in pointing out the she and the Reagan foreign policy team killed this thing in 1982...or thought they had.

Senator Inhofe was present and spoke out against it, which was encouraging.

We need to make sure no Republican Senator ultimately votes for this piece of socialist trash.

People need to realize that this 'treaty' also sets up a UN taxing authority for the first time, too...

[Feiny]

I know...that is why I pinged you.

[AnnaZ]

And that is why I thank you.

 

= )

[visualops]

It's a training-wheels version for people who hope to move to Boston and really drain the joy out of other people's lives.

Lileks can really turn a phrase.

[Constitution Day]

Lileks Ping!
If you'd like to be added or removed, just drop me a line...

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