Posted on 09/28/2005 9:11:34 AM PDT by pabianice
Movie theater revenues are down 10% in the past three years because of home video technology and because movie quality has objectively continued to decline. We Freepers occasionally review a movie here for fun and to warn others not to waste their money.
So, for a change of pace, let's discuss really bad movies we've seen for one reason or another. I propose three classes of bad movie:
Class 1. A bad movie you sit through because of peer pressure
Class 2. A really bad movie you force yourself to watch because, darn it, you paid for it!
Class 3. Horrifyingly bad movies you simply leave, dragging yourself up the aisle with your arms because your legs have gone numb from shock.
Examples:
Class 1: "The Incredible Lightness of Being" -- stupifyingly bad writing and performances, polished off by a plot involving a serial adulterer physician ruining the lives of all around him for his own sexual gratification – won numerous awards in Europe
Class 2: "The Strawberry Statement" -- I still remember the poster: "The Vibes Were Good, but the Times Were Bad" -- horrifyingly bad performances around a story of beautiful, gentle hippies going to college in San Francisco and lovingly protesting the Vietnam War, only to have the experience ruined by Cylon-like police in riot gear gassing and clubbing them to death during a sit-in for peace; also includes some of the worst dehumanization of women ever portrayed on the screen
"Coming Home" -- what can you say about a movie with Jane Fonda that tells the tale of a maimed vet coming home from the Illegal Vietnam War on Terror to win the heart of a military officer's wife who realizes that her Marine husband is actually a monster (who's also lousy in bed, of course) and so leaves him for the maimed (but good in bed despite the loss of most of his appendages) and virtuous war-protesting vet; movie ends with Marine drowning self by walking into the ocean to atone for his evil acts of national defense
“War of the Worlds” (2005) – This is one big mess of a movie; Aliens have already visited Earth in the distant past to leave their Tripods but then wait until we have atomic weapons and armies before they decide to come back and wipe us out; they arrive at nearly the speed of light in capsules that burrow underground and would be instantly vaporized by the impact; they need human blood to fertilize their Martian Kudzu (“Soilent Red is People!”); it never occurs to the Martians that they need to get flu shots before invading another planet; as the aliens sicken, they conveniently lower their shields so as to be suddenly defenseless against anti-tank rockets; the list is almost endless; the 1954 movie was far superior
"Getting Straight" -- yet another Vietnam vet comes home to attend college and is faced with a school faculty who are all repressed homosexuals and psychotics who determine to drive him out of college; he's saved by heroine who encourages him to Stiock it To the Man!; story ends with the vet kissing his male teacher on the mouth, creating a riot on campus, and then having sex with the heroine on the staircase as the riot and tear gas swill about them in a wonderful collage of color and self-congratulation -- ah!
Class 3: "The Happy Hooker" -- no plot, no production, no acting, but lots of frontal nudity and smashed beds
"Darling" -- critically acclaimed piece of crap about a beautiful, talented, rich woman with the IQ of an end table struggling to make her way in a world of rich men who throw themselves at her feet and take her to fabulous vacation spots
Special Category – What Would Have Been Good Movies But Ruined by One Bad Scene: “A Few Good Men” – Very entertaining story about good and evil in uniform ruined in the courtroom climax, when LTJG Caffee says to the colonel: “I’m a Navy officer, and you are under arrest, you son of a bitch!” Those last five gratuitous words by a screenwriter clueless about the military instantly makes Caffee guilty of disrespect towards a superior officer (a court martial offense) and lower him to Jessup’s level
Nice summation of a horrbile movie.
AI was Leonard-Pinth Garnell bad.
Nicholas Cage wasn't in Broken Arrow, but you have reminded me of a truly horrible film. It had Travolta and Cage (I think?) and was called "Face/Off" (I think?) where they change faces somehow. I've tried to forget it, so the details are very vague.
Aw cmon! Mars Attacks is incredibly funny...I'm series!
You haven't seen a bad movie if you have not experienced this gem!
Leonard, PT. 6: http://movies.yahoo.com/shop?d=hv&id=1800088131&cf=info&intl=us
Class 2: "Planet of the Apes" from 4 years ago. I thought it was just terrible, but I stayed because I was really pregnant and it was the last movie I was going to see for quite sometime. The Matrix sequels were horrible but at least I saw them on cable.
Class 3: "Pet Semetary" not that it was bad but I am not a horror movie type of person and I left after the boy got hit by the truck. I just couldn't take it.
Let me also say that my husband is a very gifted movie goer. He is consistently able to fall asleep during the promos. We do not go to movies anymore. He did take our son to see Shrek 2 and Scooby Doo Doo 2. He will agree to take the kids to see those because they are short and he doesn't sleep through those (that I know of.)
WOTW is easily one of the 5 est films SS has ever made. Background story wasn't the point. Tension was.
Sid and Nancy was great, good acting, good directing by Alex Cox, but not a movie you want to see over and over. (Nancy screaming Siiiiiid! is grating!)
should be 'best'
I apologize. It was "Face/Off" that I was referring too.
Class II: Chariots of Fire and Room with a View. How either of these movies won AA's is a mystery to me. Also, anything by Woody Allen after Annie Hall.
Face Off was a blast! It was a fantasy directed with bravura by the same guy who did Broken Arrow (John Woo)
It was Christian Slater with Travolta, not Cage, who manages to be in cheesey movies a lot too. Howie Long was in it as well. Yes, I do have too much time on my hands.
Class 3: "I Heart Huckabees". Maybe I'm not existential enough, but it seemed to be 2 hours of long-winded, self-indulgent, faux-intellectual tripe.
Not Nick Cage -- Howie Long. And that alone should have warned you to stay away.
Movies misrepresented by their trailers: The village.
I, and several others, didn't go see it because we thought it was a horror flick.
I saw it a few weeks ago on DVD and really enjoyed it. It's much more a psychological suspense film and a beautiful movie, with lovely music and art direction.
Yeah, I had tension all right. Praying to God it would end soon. I mean how much sh*t can happen to one guy in one day.
How bout this category- "The Date Killer". This is a movie that is so bad, you feel guilty that your date paid 8.50 for you to see it, and what makes the situation "killer" is that they recommended something else but deferred to your "good" judgment. Three come to mind:
Event Horizon
Titan AE
Eight Crazy Nights
Band of Brothers and Saving Private Ryan seem to indicate otherwise. If it's a good movie they will watch. I sure did.
IMO, WWII was the biggest single event that ever occurred.
Class 3: My Life As A House
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.